Anyone diagnosed Bipolar?

[Nighthawk]

I am now starting to believe some of my son's diagnosis. I was very familiar with adult symptoms, but I'd never really recognized my son as having them. I saw him on the bus to Manicville though on thursday. I am thinking his running away is also a symptom of a manic state. He gets agitated right beforehand, and dosen't seem to be able to control himself. It would also explin why he always gets so far away so quickly. He is also more irrational in that state. Just like a belligerent drunk-- 10 ft tall & bullet-proof, combative. this really stinks. I'd kept hoping it was something else.

 

[Automaton]

Hello jiveRock.

I was diagnosed bipolar NOS a few years ago.

For me... the journey has been an odd one. I live med-free, and manage through a variety of lifestyle/health/dietary things. I am mostly pretty stable these days, and have been for a while. The sharp episodes I used to have are now more indistinct. My theory is that I just got to the point where my brain broke so badly that it was get better or die. I just couldn't continue like I was.

It started off with a few years of depressive episodes, then paranoia, mania, mixed episodes, and finally trauma pushed me into psychosis.

Since that episode (which lasted a year - no meds, due to no access to help), I haven't had any substantial periods of unwellness.

But I have always remained very sensitive. And I think, if anything, I have simply re-framed my understanding of reality. I still have a very wide emotional range, reactive and non-reactive. I still have sensory problems, weird emotional reactions and body reactions, and paranoia. I still have persistent insomnia, hypomanic and depressive days. My memory is shot to hell. I usually have some degree of word salad going on - yes, I hide it well. None of it has really gone away. I just keep trying to meter my life, and acknowledge whatever my wonky brain is saying without internalizing and believing it. I try not to let myself get too stressed or too off-course.

The last few weeks have been very trying on me. Fortunately I am lucky enough to have really, really good support from those who love me. It makes all the difference in the world when *someone else* will acknowledge the crazy stuff you're feeling without internalizing it, as well. Fellow mad people are my refuge. And we can spot each other across a room, or across a planet.

My way isn't for everyone. Hell, it probably isn't even for a substantial chunk of people. But it seems to be working ok for me.

I don't know where you're at right now, jive... but sometimes, when my mind is doing something that, from appearances, is simply to make my life hell, I try to see it through another lense.

I look at that over-reactive part of me as a child that is trying to communicate something important, and doesn't have the language or social skills to do so accurately. The result is a bunch of crazy non-sensible BS.

The reason we have "the terrible two's" is because two-year-olds are at the juncture in their development where they understand most of what you're saying, but don't have the skills to respond. It's frustrating to them that they can't communicate effectively, and they act out.

That's how I see my mind. I experience things for which there are no mainstream words. And my mind doesn't have the words and expressions it needs to convey a wider range of experiences than what most people will experience.

I meditate on it, and just listen. Don't internalize - just listen, and let it go.

It helps me sometimes.

 

[Nighthawk]

Hang in there MN! It amazes me how much people can be going through and still live an outwardly fairly 'normal' life. (((hugs)))

 

[Automaton]

Hang in there MN! It amazes me how much people can be going through and still live an outwardly fairly 'normal' life. (((hugs)))

Heh, my life is far from normal. But I'll tell you what allows me to cope well, and be reasonably happy and functional despite the fact that nearly all my senses are wacky and my emotional pendulum just kind runs in a circle.

Single Dad Laughing: The disease called "Perfection"

I gave up trying to be perfect, and trying to hide who I am. I only spend time with people who are willing to accept who I am - I refuse to "play perfect." And I do the same for them in their imperfection, in return.

I don't let the pressure to be "normal" make a dent in me. And surprisingly enough, doing that lead me to be able to live a more normal life. Or at least, a life that I'm happy with, whether it's normal or not.

Releasing yourself from that pressure makes everything a lot easier. Being able to openly say that I started smoking to help me when I was psychotic and just let the chips fall where they may releases me from the pressure to hide the word salad and memory problems I have as a result of that episode. I do occasionally mix around words and forget what I was talking about in my videos. So what? I'm not perfect.

 

[Nighthawk]

Very powerful link there. I gave up perfection a while back. But I somehow keep striving for 'better', it's the same thing really. Smoking kept me from drinking, helped me stay saner. I didn't make any apologies about it. My mother spends her life being enraged that the world doesn't live up to her imagined vision of perfection. I certainly never measured up.

 

[jiveman]

great post mistress, very interesting read. you've got a great perspective on things and i was amazed at how clearly you described everything that goes on with this. i have very similar things that go on with me.

i use that technique of "recognizing what's going on in my head and body without internalizing or believing it" daily. i have to be careful because i actually drove myself close to insanity with it, sort of overblown dissociation a few years back, but it is necessary to deal with things most of the time.

all in all, i'm pretty stable too. i'm starting to mature into that now that my life is more together and orderly. i do agree that we sort of get forced to become stable or die. perspectives change in a way that you're able to perform your life duties despite all of it.

recently the mixed state/full blown mania has been too much to deal with. i deal with the major depression just fine, i have too much to live for nowadays, but mania can become a bit too self destructive. i've got a doctors appointment tomorrow to see if i can just get an anti anxiety med or something to help me use my natural remedies/techniques. def not goin on all the mood stabilizers again if i don't have to, but i think its becoming evident that some kind of safety net is necessary at the moment for certain occasions. god it's scary when you get hit with the intense mania after going so long with just hypomania. the hospital was on my mind, and i don't like that.

i'm managing, and proud of myself for not self medicating all day long haha
tomorrow will be nice to see what happens with the doc, so it's all good. recently switched doctors so hopefully he understands things well enough.

best of luck.

 

[son et lumiere]

My advice to you is dont feel guilty or weak for being on meds. You have a chemical inbalance. I've had a couple friends who had the mindset that they wouldnt take meds for their bi polar and it forced me to not be friends with them even though they are still in my thoughts and prayers. It's really hard to be around someone off their meds. Once you get stable you will notice a huge difference and not ever want to go back to not being off meds. It's really ignorant when you hear someone say that you don't need meds for your chemical inbalance.

 

[Automaton]

My advice to you is dont feel guilty or weak for being on meds. You have a chemical inbalance. I've had a couple friends who had the mindset that they wouldnt take meds for their bi polar and it forced me to not be friends with them even though they are still in my thoughts and prayers. It's really hard to be around someone off their meds. Once you get stable you will notice a huge difference and not ever want to go back to not being off meds. It's really ignorant when you hear someone say that you don't need meds for your chemical inbalance.

Pardon me, but some of us do pretty well off meds. Not everyone does. But please don't presume to tell me what kind of person I am.

The brain is a wonderful organ. It reacts to more than just chemicals, trauma, and genetics (which is all that our other organs react to).

It also reacts to sensory input, emotional input, self-guided thought processes, and literally every single thing you think, do, see, and feel, every day. All of it produces tangible chemical changes in the brain.

Also keep in mind, FDA-approved drugs are not the only substances on earth that have a positive effect on mood disorders. There are plenty of supplements, chemicals, etc that are scientifically proven to have a large impact on a person's mental health, even though they don't have Big Pharma's seal of approval on them. Also keep in mind, just because the FDA approved them doesn't necessarily mean they are highly or generally effective. A lot of them time, and for a lot of people... they aren't.

There is a lot more I could get into here, but I'll simply stop at this: There is no difference in recovery rate between people who go on meds, and people who use alternative wellness methods. Psych 101 (literally - I learned this in Psych 101).

What it comes down to is this. Just as it would be presumptuous and ignorant for me to tell you that you must vape 18mg or you're an idiot, it is equally so for you to tell other people how they should deal with recovery. Especially since scientific fact doesn't back you up.

Everyone's recovery is unique. Meds, no meds, standing on your head and singing Snooker Loopy, I don't care how someone gets well. All that matters is that they do.

What works for me may or may not work for you. What works for you may or may not work for me.

 

[VeeDubb65]

I think the worst part is not being able to sustain relationships because you normally go into them in a manic state, charming them to bits, full of life, only to leave them high and dry when you get low and can't help but inform them of how they're nothing like you--that it makes you uncomfortable having them around you, etc.

So strange. I wish I could handle the meds sometimes so I could stay even keel, but they made me too much of a zombie. I had to toss 'em. (and I tried every combo out there, trust me. It wasn't about finding the right combination, meds just aren't my thing)

I picked out those two points because I thought I could share a little with you. First of all, no, I'm not bi-polar. However, my ex-wife was diagnosed with bi-polar about a year after we got married, so I can understand the relationship problems. In my defense, it wasn't the bi-polar that caused the divorce, but that's a whole different topic.....

Part of the relationship deal, is that you need to be honest with people about it. I don't mean tell every woman on the first date, but before things get too serious, it's got to be something you talk about, and you need to understand that 3/4 will jump ship when they find out, and half the ones who stay probably have hero issues and think they can "fix" you, which is just wrong.

In any case, try not to let that discourage you. We've all got things we have to get around, and this is yours. For me, it's telling them that out of 7 kids in my family, I'm the only one who has never been in prison, my parents are raising 2 of my nieces and nephews, and the first time I took my ex-wife to meet my family, one of my brothers threatened to do something to her that I can't repeat on this forum without getting banned. That scares away a lot of women.... Thank God my fiancé understands that I am not my family. Sooner or later you'll find one who understands that this illness is not the sum and total of who you are.


As far as the medication, I said my ex-wife was diagnosed as bi-polar. I didn't say she was bi-polar. Bi-polar disorder is one of the most over-diagnosed mental illnesses out there, probably second only to depression. I'm not saying you don't have a psychiatric disorder, but maybe you should get a second or third opinion about just exactly which one you have. If you really have something else, like borderline personality disorder as my ex was eventually re-diagnosed with, you'd find that the meds for bi-polar did no good, and a fair bit of harm.

Think of it like trying to treat a stomach ache with headache medicine. All the aspirin, ibuprofen, acetaminophen, and naproxen sodium in the world won't help the stomach ache, and several of those really will make a stomach ache worse.


Now, let's say you get a second opinion from an independent psychiatrist, (no psychologists, no general practitioners), and it's really bi-polar, and you really can't handle any of the meds. You might consider going to a really experienced behavioral psychiatrist, and explaining your situation. Behavioral therapy will never cure something like bi-polar, but it may help you to find ways to cope that you would have never thought of on your own.

 

[Automaton]

As far as the medication, I said my ex-wife was diagnosed as bi-polar. I didn't say she was bi-polar. Bi-polar disorder is one of the most over-diagnosed mental illnesses out there, probably second only to depression. I'm not saying you don't have a psychiatric disorder, but maybe you should get a second or third opinion about just exactly which one you have. If you really have something else, like borderline personality disorder as my ex was eventually re-diagnosed with, you'd find that the meds for bi-polar did no good, and a fair bit of harm.

Think of it like trying to treat a stomach ache with headache medicine. All the aspirin, ibuprofen, acetaminophen, and naproxen sodium in the world won't help the stomach ache, and several of those really will make a stomach ache worse.


Now, let's say you get a second opinion from an independent psychiatrist, (no psychologists, no general practitioners), and it's really bi-polar, and you really can't handle any of the meds. You might consider going to a really experienced behavioral psychiatrist, and explaining your situation. Behavioral therapy will never cure something like bi-polar, but it may help you to find ways to cope that you would have never thought of on your own.

Very true. Psychiatry is still in its infancy, and to be perfectly honest, the more I learned about psychology, the less seriously I took it.

At this phase in medical knowledge, psychiatric diagnoses are, more often than not, nothing more than a description applied to a constellation of symptoms. There are probably a dozen different causes and courses for what we currently throw until the "bipolar" umbrella. And so, I just don't take that sort of language very seriously.

I do know that I am psychologically different from most people. And this has meant I have had no help from anyone in trying to figure out how to cope with myself. Coping being different from medicating, mind you.

It is entirely possible that what was dubbed as psychosis in my case was extreme PTSD. It is entirely possible that what got dubbed as bipolar in my case is BPD, or CPTSD, or simply the result of someone who has walked through life being the target of xenophobia all her life. Take your pick.

This is why approaches to wellness are so multi-dimensional, and there is no way to apply one method to every single person who happens to have a certain constellation of symptoms.

 

[jiveman]

son, you make a good point in regard to SOME people, but yea, everyone's different of course. i don't feel guilty or weak, i just experienced loss of memory, skin irritations, hot flashes, dizzy spells, tunnel vision, unhealthy weight fluctuations, and a various other physical symptoms from most meds that made it unbearable. i don't trust big pharm though, so i'll always be hesitant. i noticed so many negative effects from every med i've been on to treat this that I don't believe the trade-off worth it. still holding out until it becomes unbearable, while diligently working on cognitive-behavioral/natural remedies.

as far as what veedub said, very true. i have no idea what my diagnosis means or if it's relevant to anything. i don't take my diagnosis seriously. i just know there's evident fluctuations in mood/energy levels that are far beyond the norm which greatly interfere with my life.
who knows what it is. i do hope it's something that goes away at some point, and i'll keep believing that's entirely possible. i've been diagnosed bipolar I Rapid Cycling from two separate pyschologists, and the third one diagnosed me ADHD, which i kind of laughed about and walked out as he pushed adderal on me. who knows. i should have given him the time of day, but i don't know, that was just a bit too ridiculous for me.

all i know is that i actually enjoy my life now and have many things to keep me motivated, as opposed to in my youth, so that makes it a hell of a lot easier and is the reason why i'll eventually work it out

 

[Xanax]

I am bipolar. Diagnosed obv. And I've been off and on medications growing up. Did the depakote-lamictal study and was kicked out, then I was prescribed effexor and some other drugs but for the past 2 years I've been med-free and it feels good. My depressive episodes come on once every 3 months or so, and only last a week or two. Some people have it way worse. But I find that I'm able to deal with it. My highs are much more frequent but last only a day each time.

 

[jiveman]

I am bipolar. Diagnosed obv. And I've been off and on medications growing up. Did the depakote-lamictal study and was kicked out, then I was prescribed effexor and some other drugs but for the past 2 years I've been med-free and it feels good. My depressive episodes come on once every 3 months or so, and only last a week or two. Some people have it way worse. But I find that I'm able to deal with it. My highs are much more frequent but last only a day each time.

that effexor was a ..... to get off for me haha still don't know how i escaped from the grips of that stuff. was coming off lithium at the same time though so who knows.

glad to hear you're managing as well as you are. don't be surprised if one day things pick back up and start getting more intense. lol seems to be the case more often than not, so be prepared.

 

[Xanax]

that effexor was a ..... to get off for me haha still don't know how i escaped from the grips of that stuff. was coming off lithium at the same time though so who knows.

glad to hear you're managing as well as you are. don't be surprised if one day things pick back up and start getting more intense. lol seems to be the case more often than not, so be prepared.

Oh my god effexor was HELL. I was sooooo sick for such a long time after coming off. I had those brain shivers for probably a year after coming off. I can't tell you how much I puked. Bleh. Among other very strange things I didn't think could happen to my body. Never again, right?

And yeah, I know things can get bad very quickly and unexpected. I'm prepared, so is my family hehe.

 

[Lisa B]

I am bi-polar as well, I am heavily medicated but I need to be and was very hard to accept that I needed them. The side effects can be awful but without them I can not function at all. Mine is almost all depression with a few manic periods I try not to think about. Most of the time I just turned into a ball of fear, I couldn't go out, working was pure hell until finally I couldn't do that anymore either. I am on permanent disability because of it, my kids all moved in with their father because I couldn't take care of myself let alone them properly. Two marriages down the drain, very little to do with my family because they don't understand and we had watched our mother go down this path without the proper help, so I think it was just too painful for them. I finally met my 3rd husband who met me at my worse but managed to see through the disease and see me. He is wonderfully supportive and takes me anyway I happen to be, together we have found the right doctors and after years of trying I am finally on a combination of meds that actually help me. I can go out now and be around people, it is difficult sometimes but I can do it with his support. A few years ago I couldn't have ever even written this, so progress again. For me it isn't about curing the disease it is learning to live with it and not letting it destroy my life.

 

[Xanax]

I wonder what bipolar cavemen were like. Hmm. Interesting.

 

[Lisa B]

I wonder what bipolar cavemen were like. Hmm. Interesting.

Likely a lot better off then us, they didn't have a "society" to fit into.

 

[jj2]

Lisa, it's sounds like you met one amazing guy there, and you may tell him I said so.

Glad he has helped you so much.

 

[Lisa B]

Lisa, it's sounds like you met one amazing guy there, and you may tell him I said so.

Glad he has helped you so much.

Thank you jj, I make sure I tell him that a lot too. We have been married almost 8 years now and he takes me as I am, good or bad, nuts or somewhat sane. He doesn't judge me and takes an active role in helping me use my coping skills and goes in with me at every doctor's appointment. Not many of us have that kind of support and I am truly blessed.

 

[son et lumiere]

Pardon me, but some of us do pretty well off meds. Not everyone does. But please don't presume to tell me what kind of person I am.

The brain is a wonderful organ. It reacts to more than just chemicals, trauma, and genetics (which is all that our other organs react to).

It also reacts to sensory input, emotional input, self-guided thought processes, and literally every single thing you think, do, see, and feel, every day. All of it produces tangible chemical changes in the brain.

Also keep in mind, FDA-approved drugs are not the only substances on earth that have a positive effect on mood disorders. There are plenty of supplements, chemicals, etc that are scientifically proven to have a large impact on a person's mental health, even though they don't have Big Pharma's seal of approval on them. Also keep in mind, just because the FDA approved them doesn't necessarily mean they are highly or generally effective. A lot of them time, and for a lot of people... they aren't.

There is a lot more I could get into here, but I'll simply stop at this: There is no difference in recovery rate between people who go on meds, and people who use alternative wellness methods. Psych 101 (literally - I learned this in Psych 101).

What it comes down to is this. Just as it would be presumptuous and ignorant for me to tell you that you must vape 18mg or you're an idiot, it is equally so for you to tell other people how they should deal with recovery. Especially since scientific fact doesn't back you up.

Everyone's recovery is unique. Meds, no meds, standing on your head and singing Snooker Loopy, I don't care how someone gets well. All that matters is that they do.

What works for me may or may not work for you. What works for you may or may not work for me.

I wasnt targetting you. It's your choice whether or not you want to on meds obviously. My point was more just don't feel guilty for being on meds. Some people have that outlook and they feel like they are made to feel weak for being on meds. Couldnt be further from the truth.