If you knew in advance that you would be creating a life that would experience unbearable suffering then what sort of person would you be to choose that for them?
That brought tears to my eyes, Kate. My son is 28 and has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia with severe anxiety disorder.
It started about 5 years ago when he told us Jesus was talking to him and telling him to jump off cliffs. This was after we found him jumping off the rocks on our hill. His face and arms and legs were lacerated and bleeding and he insisted he had to keep jumping off the cliff because Jesus told him to. He had been acting odd before that, but my husband and I didn't have a clue.
The last 5 years has been off and on hell for my son and my husband and I. When the doctor told us gravely disabled and most likely permanent, I just wanted to die. This was my son, the high school athlete who received a track scholarship to go to college, the most lovable kind-hearted person you would ever want to know. His sense of humor was funny and insightful. Why would this happen to him?
I was grieving for the son I lost and trying to adjust for the son I had. My son has gone through absolute torture with his spirits and demons. I can only listen and help him the best I can.
He has to rock 24/7 and chain smoke to keep the anxiety at bay. He's very much home bound because he has to be in his rocking chair. He's on a new medication that appears to at least help him cope and it's slowly bringing him back to us.
I bought e-cigs for him and me about 2-1/2 months ago and we both have been smoke-free since. I make sure his e-cig is working properly, he's stocked up on working parts, and he has the liquid he likes. I realize how fortunate we both are that these e-cigs are working for us. His color is now pink and not ashen or dusky. He no longer hacks and coughs everyday. I no longer cough or have shortness of breath. So it's been good for us all around. My husband doesn't mind the money I spend for myself and my son and supports us 100%.
My son at times looks at me and tells me that he's just waiting to die. He's had enough suffering. So your point is well taken.