Depressed and disappointed with myself. What's wrong with me?!?

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bluebelle

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Thanks. I hopefully will do it this time and for keeps. Looks like some time this afternoon will be the zero hour. I know when I hit that 24 hour mark again I will be feeling great about myself. :)

I give mattoci667 a lot of credit, wish I had had the intelligence and maturity to try and quit at his age. Was already smoking 9 years by then.

Makes me feel old just typing that. :)
 

alisab

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Thanks for the replies! Only problem is I already use 24mg lol. I had some 36mg but it was so strong I couldn't even taste it, just felt the hit with no flavor, although I did like the hit. The hit of 24mg is good and strong but somehow I'm still not satisfied. I don't know whats up with me! Thanks for the encouragement!

I don't know if this has been recommended up ahead but mix your 36 with your 24 and see if you can get the TH and taste too.
 

alisab

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OK, I have read through the thread and I have a little more to say. 1st, I have smoked 41 years - I have quit cold turkey a few times for 1 to 6 yrs off in that period and have gone back to cigs when I had a special combination of hurt and anger... Well, your trigger is whatever it is- there is really good advice here - have one ready for the "moment", stay involved with ECF, keep vaping regardless of your continuing to smoke cigs - I believe in time you will want the cigs less and less - DON'T beat yourself up - IMO, you are doing GREAT! You are being VERY responsible - your are being very honest and asking for help. I would put down a $100 bet that you will beat this sometime this year if you keep this up. Finally, what I needed to quit altogether (and I didn't do this immediately either) was higher voltage and 24 mg nicotine, together. Keep searching and experimenting and asking for input and you will beat this thing!
 
Thanks again everyone for the encouragement! It's Sunday, so I'm hoping to get my ... in gear and try to do all vaping again and see how long I can go, starting tomorrow. The longest I ever made it without a single puff of a cigarette was 2 weeks, so I'm going to try to beat that. The advice and encouragement really is helping me a lot, it's reminding me that plenty of people are in the same boat or have gone through it already and beat it. Thanks again, and I wish all of you luck as well! The thing that has helped me the most so far, honestly, is reading all these replies. So here goes for tomorrow!
 

Hotwire

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I've been having a hard time quitting and making do with vaping also.

I think when you start vaping you think you can drop the whole will power part as you have a new habbit to replace smoking with.

Doesn't work that way.

Even harder when e-liquid quality is so inconsitant between vendors, then add in maintaining your pv etc and the stress from all of that can drive you to a cigarette.

I am going to give it another try after failing miserably the past 3 weeks.

Have ordered what I hope will be decent quality liquids compared to the last shipment of utter cr@p I received and which are in some of my favorite food flavors and I think I have also identified the correct mg of nicotine for me now - 6mg -that won't give me insomnia at night (another reason I went back to the cigs is that I couldn't vape before bed without getting awful insomnia from the nic buzz) and also one strong tobacco flavor at 18mg that I am truly hoping will satisfy when drinking. If it doesn't, then hopefuly the only time I will smoke is when drinking, a time when will power to not smoke just falls down flat.

It will still be hard and I will still need willpower in droves. The pv mainly a 2nd best alternative rather than the pleasure a lot of vapers seem to find it to be. Reason probably is that I'm relatively young (34) and my health is not that badly affected by the 3 or 4 cigs I have at night (not even tempted during the day when at work, haven't been for years) and maybe 1 pack over the weekend IF DRINKING. Apart from lethargy and occaisional bronchitis, I don't get any wheezing, coughing or any other serious health problems and my Blood pressure is 64/63 and my lungs passed all doc's tests with flying colors also. So there is no extreme, pressing motivation for me to quit and where I live a pack of Dunhills is only the eqvt of $2.18usd a pack...

But still, the lethargy in the mornings (even after only 3 or 4 cigs the previous evening with a movie and a cpl of beers) and the occaisional bronchitis are not things I want in my life.

So my new tasty (fingers crossed) liquids with good flavors and the right nic mg for me plus the aid of direct dripping when at home and having a beer (one of my main times I smoke and I find direct dripping gives pretty satisfying hits) and using 18mg Dessert Ship in my pv (ego-t) when out at a bar drinking (the other main time I smoke and a time when dripping not for me) might do it for me.
 
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Skeeterkck

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I love electronic cigs. I love trying the different flavors, the different atties and batteries, the cleaning and maintaining equipment, etc. I love the whole process. But for some reason, my dumb ... keeps going back to the real thing, even though I HATE them. I don't understand.
I bought my first ecig in June of 2010. Used it for a week and went back to analogs. I tried another, the Vapor King, and again, I was on and off. January 1st, 2011, I decided this was it, like everyone else when they have tons of new years hopes. I bought an Ego and fell in love with it from day one, I just knew this was it. I made it 2 weeks, longer than I've ever made it without slipping up. I hated the smell of analogs and everything was going really well. Day 15, I played a show with my band and I'm so used to having a cigarette when I get off stage, I went ahead and said who cares, I'll probably hate the taste anyway, I'll let myself have it. I lit up...hated the taste, hated the way it stuck in my mouth and I drank tea, ate food, everything I could do to try and get that nasty taste out of my mouth. I convinced myself that after that, there's NO WAY I would go back to analogs, and even felt good about slipping up and reminding myself how nasty analogs really are.....fast forward 3 days and I'm buying a pack, completely returning to my old habits and my e-cig is sitting in my room collecting dust. Here's the problem...I have no idea why. I honestly don't. I used to smoke 3 packs a day, which I slowly cut down to around 2, and then about 1.5 packs per day. As soon as I bought that pack, I went back to my old habits and I've been smoking around a pack a day since then. I don't understand why, even though I love ecigs much more, they taste way better and I feel like .... when I smoke analogs, I keep going back!?? I'm so disappointed in myself and not only do I feel like a failure, I feel like a dumbass, because I don't understand for the life of me why I'm doing this to myself when I hate the cost, smell, taste, and hassle of analogs. Anyone got any advice or input or anything? Thanks in advance for any replies.

Matto, hey guy, don't be so hard on yourself. Life is not perfect and neither are we. It's like taking baby steps, "One Day At A Time". Okay so the longest you made it to was 2 weeks. Well you should commend yourself for making it that far. So you slipped up, so what. Try and try again. You will get there. Don't ever give up. Keep those e-cigs on you at all times and have a spare one on a battery charger. When you get off stage, you can vape while your other friends are smoking, it's okay. I had my last analog 2 weeks ago. I also have a pack of analogs in my desk drawer that has been sitting there for two weeks as well. I know that I can have one if I want to, but like you, I love the e-cig better with the Pina Colada mixed with mint or menthol. I also have the strawberry and I mix it too with the mint or the menthol. Don't think for a second that I didn't think about grabbing one of those analogs, because I have. I took my mind elsewhere and forgot all about wanting to smoke that analog. So keep trying, you WILL make it too. I have been smoking for the last 41 years. It is now time to stop. So here I am and I AM doing it. And so can you. Treat yourself to something special, when you have quit every 2 weeks or every month. Set yourself a goal and go for it.

The very Best to you,
Skeeterkck
 
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Skeeterkck

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Matto, hey guy, don't be so hard on yourself. Life is not perfect and neither are we. It's like taking baby steps, "One Day At A Time". Okay so the longest you made it to was 2 weeks. Well you should commend yourself for making it that far. So you slipped up, so what. Try and try again. You will get there. Don't ever give up. Keep those analogs on you at all times and have a spare one on a battery charger. When you get off stage, you can vape while your other friends are smoking, it's okay. I had my last analog 2 weeks ago. I also have a pack of analogs in my desk drawer that has been sitting there for two weeks as well. I know that I can have one if I want to, but like you, I love the e-cig better with the Pina Colada mixed with mint or menthol. I also have the strawberry and I mix it too with the mint or the menthol. Don't think for a second that I didn't think about grabbing one of those analogs, because I have. I took my mind elsewhere and forgot all about wanting to smoke that analog. So keep trying, you WILL make it too. I have been smoking for the last 41 years. It is now time to stop. So here I am and I AM doing it. And so can you. Treat yourself to something special, when you have quit every 2 weeks or every month. Set yourself a goal and go for it.

The very Best to you,
Skeeterkck

Grab a pack of gum too if need to when you get a craving. Also I have been told that very ice cold water will help with the cravings and the urge will pass. God Bless:)
 

Hotwire

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Small revelation tonight.

I am direct dripping my favorite flavor each time I want a ciggy and will allow myself only 1 cigarette, right before bed. Since I am 'kind of' enjoying the dripping - it's an 'okay' substitute to smoking - and I know I am having a cig before bed, it's working. As long as I get that one before bed.... (still love the taste of them)

Not perfect, but gets me down from 3 to 4 cigs a night (as mentioned in previous post, I don't smoke in the daytime during the week) to only 1 a night and is 10 less a week during the weekdays.
 

greenie

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I agree with hotwire. It is what worked for me too!

A 3 pk a day habit calls for some creative adjustments. I too would keep a pv with me at all times. If you must light up keep yourself to a x amount per day or per week, also start breaking the analogs in half before you light up, and before you light up use the pv.

Eventually as you wean yourself off the analog they will start to taste nastier and nastier until you light up one day, and realize you don't want it. You'll put it out and reach for the pv more and more. This will go on for awhile until one day, you won't need to buy anymore analogs.

Good luck, you can do it!
 

wolflrv

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Congrats on your progress and don't give up! It's worth it when you finally get to the other side! I started vaping in February last year and it took me till May to be smoke free. I was also a 38+ yr smoker and smoked 3 packs a day as well. Smoking was also hard-wired to my sobriety, so I was walking on eggshells most of my transitioning time. I also heavily subscribe to the belief that there are serious MAOI's in cigarettes that you aren't gonna find in ecigs. That was my biggest struggle and probably what keeps kicking you back to the analogs. I did try snus, but reminded me too much of dipping. If they work for you great, but I'd also suggest trying Java Stonewalls. They taste like a cup of coffee, dissolve cleanly and don't have that "gum burn" like the snus do. I basically kept vaping my brains out and when I'd have the serious rakin' cravin' attack for a real cigarette I'd grab a Java Stonewall instead and keep vaping. It helped my brain transition the habit part to the ecig, while still calming my MAOI needs, without resorting to actually smoking another analog. Bottom line is...this is not easy for some folks...I was one..and you sound like you're suffering too. Try the Java Stonewalls and keep fighting it hard...eventually you will win if you don't quit fighting. Good luck and hang in there...many of us here have been through what your going through!
 

Hotwire

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And do not push yourself too much, find your own natural pace and go with it and be happy with any reduction in the number of cigarettes per day you manage to attain on a regualr basis and take it from there. slow and steadt wins the race etc... Don't go through life trying to force square pegs through round holes so to speak.
 

Steef

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May I offer something??? Here is what worked for me...
I smoked for many years, enjoyed it right to the end..... Then I started working night(Graveyard shift)..... I was smoking some 15-18 hours a day on the weekends just to see my love of some 30 years..... Really started to feel it taking its toll after a few weekends.... You see where I'm going with this???

I don't know what your schedule might be, but I suggest try staying up for as long as you can, may take a few days to get the effect..... Smoke analogs to your hearts content ...... Oh yes,,, all the analogs you can stomach for as long as you can..... Now have all your stash, water, gum, E-juice and plenty of batteries.....

Throw the analogs away and start vaping as much as you can to make up for the cravings..... Sounds goofy I know but With the schedule I have I just got sick of the analogs and threw them away on the 1st of Jan with great success(Thank God and the folks from the ECF)

The bottom line, I just got sick of them..... Put them down and have been a steady vaper ever since......

Give it a shot, Best of luck!!!!

Good Vapes~~~~~~

Steef
 

maureengill

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Don't give up. Maybe your expectations are too high. I was a 2pack a day smoker and it took me a year and three months to give up all the smokes. I started by not smoking at all at work. Got me down to half a pack a day. I then started cutting out the cigs in the car in the morning...and had finally gotten down to 2 a day. I found that night time was my toughest time. The whole time I was still smoking usually 1-2 packs a weekend (don't know why I justified that, but I did). One Tuesday I went and purchased a pack of smokes, smoked 2 on tuesday, 2 on wednesday, and thursday night when I got home I wasn't having the "Jonesing" feeling I usually did...so I didn't smoke. On Friday it caught me that I hadn't smoked and wasn't bugging still. Friday night came and went. I decided Saturday morning that I was good and didn't need to smoke. It was weird, but happened. The number one thing is DON'T GIVE UP. If you want it...it will happen...be patient with yourself. I also found that with me variety is everything...I have 10+ 3ml samplers that I choose between during the day....variety is the spice of life. I also found that 5v worked for me when I am at the bar. I can't say that I haven't cheated, but I'd consider 2 cigarettes and 2 drags of a 3rd cheating and not going back to smoking...



I love electronic cigs. I love trying the different flavors, the different atties and batteries, the cleaning and maintaining equipment, etc. I love the whole process. But for some reason, my dumb ... keeps going back to the real thing, even though I HATE them. I don't understand.
I bought my first ecig in June of 2010. Used it for a week and went back to analogs. I tried another, the Vapor King, and again, I was on and off. January 1st, 2011, I decided this was it, like everyone else when they have tons of new years hopes. I bought an Ego and fell in love with it from day one, I just knew this was it. I made it 2 weeks, longer than I've ever made it without slipping up. I hated the smell of analogs and everything was going really well. Day 15, I played a show with my band and I'm so used to having a cigarette when I get off stage, I went ahead and said who cares, I'll probably hate the taste anyway, I'll let myself have it. I lit up...hated the taste, hated the way it stuck in my mouth and I drank tea, ate food, everything I could do to try and get that nasty taste out of my mouth. I convinced myself that after that, there's NO WAY I would go back to analogs, and even felt good about slipping up and reminding myself how nasty analogs really are.....fast forward 3 days and I'm buying a pack, completely returning to my old habits and my e-cig is sitting in my room collecting dust. Here's the problem...I have no idea why. I honestly don't. I used to smoke 3 packs a day, which I slowly cut down to around 2, and then about 1.5 packs per day. As soon as I bought that pack, I went back to my old habits and I've been smoking around a pack a day since then. I don't understand why, even though I love ecigs much more, they taste way better and I feel like .... when I smoke analogs, I keep going back!?? I'm so disappointed in myself and not only do I feel like a failure, I feel like a dumbass, because I don't understand for the life of me why I'm doing this to myself when I hate the cost, smell, taste, and hassle of analogs. Anyone got any advice or input or anything? Thanks in advance for any replies.
 
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OgreLokon

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By the way, on a side note, I'm not trying to be negative and I'm not sure if this is actually true, but it did give me quite a bit of a scare. I've noticed since I've been vaping like crazy that sometimes my vision is a little weird, like when you first wake up and your eyes haven't cleared and adjusted to the light yet, and it feels like I've got something in my eye so I have to wipe my eyes a good bit and my vision is blurry at times....imagine the lump in my throat when I read the other day that vaping has possibly been linked to cataracts! I read the article AFTER I had already noticed the difference in my eyes so I know that it's not just because I read it and convinced myself that it was true. I don't see where the relation would be but it's very well possible. Not to be negative nancy, lol, but just in case you guys haven't heard, I'd at least look it up and read through the article. I can't find the link at the moment but if I come back across it, I'll be sure to post it! Thanks so much again, everyone!

The vision issues in the morning could quite likely have to do with dehydration. Most of us know vaping requires more water intake because of the drying effects PG has. I get the same vision symptoms in the morning if I had a night of drinking before I went to bed.
 
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. :) The fact you are seriously working toward a total quit at the tender age of 22 is a sign something's RIGHT with you since as noted, most of us smoked ourselves silly at your age without giving it a second thought. I sure did.

Don't give up on your e-cig.

To me, I need a powerful, tobacco flavored juice, delivered in a throat-scalding hit. Rinse and repeat. To achieve this, I use a low-resistance atomizer and dripping. You already have an Ego -- try out a low resistance 306 atomizer from Avid Vaper : Electronic Cigarettes, E-Liquid and Accessories, or even a 510 atomizer (both fit the Ego perfectly). Throw down on it with some really high quality tobacco flavored juice... for me, nothing beats "Camule" (Camel) from NHaler. Get ready to have your skirt blown up with the hit!! It is so intense, enjoyable, and delicious that regular cigarettes will be a let-down.

But the great part is that your brain won't believe this, and you'll insist on still having some smokes. (I did.) Each time you do, you'll be disappointed, then walk back into the house and fire up the vape again immediately afterward, saying, "yecchhh." It will take a number of times of doing this before your brain is convinced. Ultimately you will be fine. It's just very hard to prove this to your brain with mere words -- it's experiential.

I kept having the odd cigarette here and there for nearly TWO YEARS of vaping!! I know of which I speak! :)

Be good to yourself. Find that flavor you love. (This can seriously take a long time but you will.) Check out low-resistance and dripping. And pat yourself on the back for staying on your journey!!
 
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