Depression

[Kizmara]

I have bipolar depression and this is so true, i def agree.
it's always looming somewhere, but it's just a matter of whether or not it's going to come my way, full force, on any particular day.

i was on an obscene amount of meds for a while, but i didn't want to be a zombie any longer so i just try to deal with it on my own. sometimes self medicating, but i make it work.

i'm bipolar I, and mostly in a mixed state, so i'm agitated, depressed, but on the move most days. can't sit still. so i guess that's a blessing because i can still function, though i usually feel very uncomfortable and sort of "on the edge" haha

the mania is worse for me, that hits me pretty often, but i've managed to keep from hospitalization for 2 years. sometimes i get close, but i'm getting pretty good at recognizing when i'm manic and sort of just ride it out and remind myself every second that what i'm thinking, i shouldn't act on.

Luckily I made a set of "rules" to live by when i was in a normal state of mind, so i keep this list of things I "don't want to do" in my head constantly. when i'm manic, i just go through the list, and though my mind tells me i want to or "need" to do some drastic or compulsive thing, i make it a point to follow these rules i set, "no matter what". like many say, you can't control your thoughts sometimes, but you can control your behavior.

Best of luck to all, and i'm glad to be here.

I think we all after a while learn coping mechanisms, and are able to recognize when our thinking is "off".

I know it's been with in the past 2 years that I have been able to accomplish this. When I'm having symptoms I just keep my mouth shut.

I'm a very direct person and a very sarcastic one at that. So on not so good days I have to keep my head down and forewarn certain co -workers and loved ones alike. "Today is not one of my better days."
They know exactly what that means.

I'm normally a recluse so it is an accomplishment that Im posting on the forum at all.

I wish you the best of luck, and keep t0 the common sense thoughts.

 

[jj2]

If any of you haven't read this post, you really should.

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/fo...y-rare-account-someone-who-chose-smoke-2.html

 

[DemonCowboy]

I think we all after a while learn coping mechanisms, and are able to recognize when our thinking is "off".

I know it's been with in the past 2 years that I have been able to accomplish this. When I'm having symptoms I just keep my mouth shut.

I'm a very direct person and a very sarcastic one at that. So on not so good days I have to keep my head down and forewarn certain co -workers and loved ones alike. "Today is not one of my better days."
They know exactly what that means.

I'm normally a recluse so it is an accomplishment that Im posting on the forum at all.

I wish you the best of luck, and keep t0 the common sense thoughts.

u sound a lot like me actually, except that i'm going recluse now as it seems i used to effectively "dodge the problems" now i'm heading again more towards the recluse side of things like i did in OK. luckily though i don't consider the net or any form of chat or forum posting a threat. (was an IRC addict in OK when it was rare i left my tin can and when i did, i talked to as few ppl as possible. but chat i 'd do for long stretches.)

found out recently because i was talked into trying for VR and had to have an eval done that i was showing avoidant features

long story short even 1's coping mechanisms can supposedly b bad. especially when (as i'm told mine are getting now) they get out of control.

so as it sits as of a recent psych eval i'm a major depressive R/O bipolar NOS R/O Attention Deficit Disorder and in the summary it was mentioned I might have or be developing avoidant personality disorder and PTSD (though having not served in the military, if my father was still alive he'd pry knock me on my ... and call me a nancy boy if i tried to tell him that...lol - well maybe he wouldn't now, i'm not as small as i was then.) but there i go on a tangent...lol

anywho, i can identify that ppl have their coping mechanisms even if poor 1's and that ppl can identify when they're not thinking or behaving as they "should", cause for me there are times i have to all but argue w/ myself on how i should behave.

If any of you haven't read this post, you really should.

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/fo...y-rare-account-someone-who-chose-smoke-2.html

yeah i noticed smoking helped a good bit, that's y i'm keeping tabs on the beta carboline thread to see if they can give me a definitive way to get it back w/o lighting back up. cause I definitely notice the difference some days. find myself pacing more, doubly so when stressed or thinking too much. and find myself craving when stressed and sometimes have trouble thinking of appropriate solutions to whatever's stressing me.

 

[jj2]

Demom & whoever. Before giving in and buying a pack of smokes, you should consider Snus.

 

[DemonCowboy]

Demom & whoever. Before giving in and buying a pack of smokes, you should consider Snus.

jj, hun, there's an N at the end not an m

back to the convo, i've not priced any of that or really looked to see where to get it locally.

 

[jj2]

jj, hun, there's an N at the end not an m

back to the convo, i've not priced any of that or really looked to see where to get it locally.

It's the keyboards fault, the M and N are too close together.

 

[Kizmara]

If any of you haven't read this post, you really should.

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/fo...y-rare-account-someone-who-chose-smoke-2.html

This is possibly why I have been unsuccessful at completely getting off cigarettes. I've been vaping since October and although I have weaned myself down to 7 or 8 a day. I feel like that is an accomplishment for me.

If I get under stress its not vaping I turn to its smoking.

I also have a freezer full of Swedish Snus and it has not helped either.

I have spent alot of money and experimentation to try to get this to work for me, but the first time my nickers get all bunched up I'll grab that cigarette like its the holy grail.

 

[Kizmara]

I just thought I'd share an experience I've had.

I went to the dentist last Thursday and had a surprise extraction. My appt. was late in the evening so I was sent out the door with nothing but a goodbye.

The next day I was in considerable pain and called to request something be called in.

I take meds for anxiety but the levels I have to take to get them to affect me is not worth taking them most of the time. They really don't do much for me.

Th Dr. calls me in some pain meds. I go pick them up and take one it works. No more pain.

So Monday comes and I'm still in pain so I decide to take 1/2 of 1 so I can still function. What I also discovered is that they made me calm inside. I didn't recognize what was happening at first because this was a new experience for me. I never realized that I was a pacing animal, like you see at the zoo on the inside.

I have not taken them any longer as I'm not in pain. I can feel the pacing coming back. But it gives me something to talk to my Dr. about and perhaps some options.

 

[Saintscruiser]

Kiz, I think your doctor can help you by changing your meds. Just tell him you're not willing to live like a caged animal anymore and what can he prescribe. When are you going?

 

[Kizmara]

Kiz, I think your doctor can help you by changing your meds. Just tell him you're not willing to live like a caged animal anymore and what can he prescribe. When are you going?

I'll be going back in September and I believe we will be having a very earnest conversation.

I'm not wanting them to prescribe me narcotics, but I'm sure that there are a host of other meds that will possibly give me that relief.

Strange how wonderful calm is when you've rarely had it, kinda like confidence, once you get it you never want to be with out it.

 

[Saintscruiser]

WOW, JJ....that story was powerful. Makes me feel like a king-sized WIMP. Bless her heart....she laid it all out for all to see...WHAT COURAGE! You can't help but admire her tenacity.

Kiz, I'm having problems too and need to talk to my doctor about it. I quit smoking a month ago....doing great with my Joy 510....or so I thought. The past couple of days, I've been missing my ol friend....the ANALOG, and it has me a bit concerned. Could it possibly be (ya'll are going to think me mad) that I'm grieving for my ol friend? I smoked analogs for 42 years. So I went through a check list. Do I want to smoke an analog...really? No. Do I miss burning holes in my clothes? No. What about the mess with the ashes? No, don't miss that. The smell in the house? No. I can only come up with 2 things it could be. 1) My nicotine level is too low and I need to rise it a bit. 26 mg's caused me to be hyper. I then switched to 18 mg's, and that did too. So, I cut it once more down to about 15 mg's and my heart wasn't pounding anymore, or so I thought. So since this happened, I started back on 18 mg's across the board until this subsides. OR 2) I'm going through an emotional withdrawal. Has this happened to anyone else? I mean, it's been a month and this happens....just out of the blue. This has me a rather low and more vulnerable than I was. Any ideas, ya'll? I won't go into all of the failures I would experience if I went back to smoking analogs.

 

[jj2]

"These moments" will creep in now and then---especially at the beginning.
Just think about it:
First there is all those good memories of our smoking days or how those first drags felt when we were tense or upset.
Then there's the fact that things were added to the analog so the nicotine was delivered to our systems faster.
Which brings us to other 3,996 other things that were in analogs that the body is no longer getting when we're making the switch that it still craves.

 

[Kizmara]

WOW, JJ....that story was powerful. Makes me feel like a king-sized WIMP. Bless her heart....she laid it all out for all to see...WHAT COURAGE! You can't help but admire her tenacity.

Kiz, I'm having problems too and need to talk to my doctor about it. I quit smoking a month ago....doing great with my Joy 510....or so I thought. The past couple of days, I've been missing my ol friend....the ANALOG, and it has me a bit concerned. Could it possibly be (ya'll are going to think me mad) that I'm grieving for my ol friend? I smoked analogs for 42 years. So I went through a check list. Do I want to smoke an analog...really? No. Do I miss burning holes in my clothes? No. What about the mess with the ashes? No, don't miss that. The smell in the house? No. I can only come up with 2 things it could be. 1) My nicotine level is too low and I need to rise it a bit. 26 mg's caused me to be hyper. I then switched to 18 mg's, and that did too. So, I cut it once more down to about 15 mg's and my heart wasn't pounding anymore, or so I thought. So since this happened, I started back on 18 mg's across the board until this subsides. OR 2) I'm going through an emotional withdrawal. Has this happened to anyone else? I mean, it's been a month and this happens....just out of the blue. This has me a rather low and more vulnerable than I was. Any ideas, ya'll? I won't go into all of the failures I would experience if I went back to smoking analogs.

I haven't had the pleasure of an cigarette free day. I do envy you that.
The closest I have come is here recently when I had those moments of calm.

I think for me it's still a symptom of self medication. But I would expect that craving a cigarette would not be unusual or unexpected. Just look at how far you've come. I would be proud of that.

I think that smoking is so ingrained in us after so many years of it, not to mention all the additives that are in them that when the body starts to detox from it all, it's hard to determine exactly how your body or your brain for that matter will handle it.

Just don't beat yourself up about it. Just stay the course and it will work itself out.

 

[Saintscruiser]

Thanks all. I thought I was losing my mind.................again!

 

[jj2]

Thanks all. I thought I was losing my mind.................again!

That happens a lot as you age!!!!!!!!

Oh wrong place.
Walks off looking for the Seniors thread.

 

[JerryRM]

Hi jj, I just joined the group and I might as well come clean too. Shortly after I got out of the service, I was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder (not service connected). I thought I could fight my way out of it, but the panic attacks and the depression just kept getting worse. Finally a few years later, I had to quit my job and go on disability.
Now I will read the rest of this thread, but I just had to say something first.

 

[Saintscruiser]

When I was younger, I couldn't imagine why my mom had to take pills to cope. I thought she wasn't depending on God enough. Having gone through, and still going through things associated with my disability for years, I had to apologize big time to her. It's easy to be on the other side when things are going fine. I can't tell you how many times I apologized to her about that. Now, the way I look at it is Praise God for medication that helps. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have it. And yet, there are still days that I'm very sad. Most of the time I'm on an even keel, but I have many overwhelming days. I feel like my right foot is nailed to the floor and I keep going in circles, accomplishing nothing, and things keep piling up, and you think, "What is wrong with me?"

 

[Nighthawk]

(((hugs))) saints & jerry! Been there. Still there. That's why we're here together.

 

[DemonCowboy]

*just nods along in agreement*

 

[Saintscruiser]

I forgot to add (DUH!) that my parents both died within the past 3 years. Mom died Oct 5 from lung cancer and copd. It wasn't pretty. She got as thin as a holocaust victim. I finally got the things of theirs out of storage this past June. It took me that long to deal with it. I'm one of those people that loved their parents and used to have fun with them all the time. Even though I washed, polished everything for the spare bedroom, I can still catch whiffs of her perfume when I walk in. My sister, who is older than me, hardly calls or comes over and I sometimes feel like an orphan. My husband has been wonderful and I'm so blessed to have him. I have one son and he and his family live in Colorado. I don't fly anymore. I see them very seldom. My maltese is my baby. I used to giggle at older ladies and their pampered pooches.......until I became one!