.
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Greetings to all Novitiates!!
With so many joining us, this thread is offered as a place of welcome and initial knowledge
Although we hope you are familiar with the Ritual of Arrival, here is the most recent update.
Sacred Text of Manual
The Ritual of Arrival
Chapter One
Verse one
All Hail Novitiate! By ordering you have made a life changing commitment.
Be comforted in the knowledge that soon all doubts of your decision shall be alleviated and your spirit overcome with joy! All of your questions will be answered, all of your hopes realized, and as you have dreamed...
Verse two
Be aware!
No matter when your mail is usually delivered, and probably has been delivered for years, the carrier with your ProVari will come at a different hour. This suckth big time, since one must sign for the package.
Verse three
You may wish to start your vigil immediately. Now is the time of fasting and waiting. You shall not sleep; you shall not eat, as it might maketh you sleepy; you must at all times have a clear view of the Mail of vape receptacle, least the postal carriage slip by unnoticed. Chasing said carriage and screaming unintelligibly in the ProVarinati tongue of pseudo-EngLatin is acceptable. Weeping is allowed, but only after the Sacred ProVari is in your hands and the tears are of gratitude. Bursting into tears because the tracking number hasn't updated in 3 hours is considered impudent.
This is also the time to charge batteries.
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.
Verse four
Be aware!
In days of yore, the Holiest of Holies did not come in a fancy box, it was simply swaddled in bubble wrap as a way for the ProVarinati to be reminded of our humble beginnings and not to take for granted the amazing gift that is bestowed upon the worthy. More recently, however, the Deities of ProVape answered the prayers for a presentation box. While some agreed that to remind us to be humble is important, they didn't feel Our Precious was being properly honored.
Verse five
You shall find our Blessed One to be smaller than you imagined and yet miraculously heavier! You shall be filled with awe that such power can be contained in a simple casing. And the threading, as attested to, is truly like buttah.
Verse six
You must place the Sacred ProVari on an altar and gently pass a silver* thurible filled with myrrh over it for 7 consecutive nights just past sunset. Then, and only then, you may kneel before a candle and read your Rewards Loyalty Program card (yes, we are rewarded for our loyalty!) upside down and the Secret Name of-which-we-do-not-speak (or post!) shall be revealed.
*If you don't have silver, aluminum is allowed. The ProVari is forgiving, but you may wish to check eBay, since there is often thuribles and myrrh available with free shipping.
The technical specs of the Sacred Text of Manual is available for download here: Keep this close at hand
Verse seven
Be aware!
Within 6 months, if not sooner, you will order another one for backup. Although it requires great bravery and strength against seduction, you might consider getting verified for the Land of Classifieds.
The brave and courageous Praetor, EddardinWinter, is the scribe of many reverent texts. He saith unto us:
Ahem...
It is the Psalm ProVarinati
Another is his very important instruction on the care and maintenance of our Blessed One: The Ritual of Cleansing and Anointing
In closing of this post, as the ProVarinati Princess, a title bestowed upon me during the Dark Times by the Lord of Eviction, as we created the ProVarinati, I respectfully ask that this thread turneth not into one of social intercourse, as there is a saloon, back alley and camp for that. I hope this thread to be for new ProVarinati who have questions or comments about their first experiences with Our Precious. More information, tips and poster updates will be added in the future.
Let the Merriment Commence!
.
Greetings to all Novitiates!!
With so many joining us, this thread is offered as a place of welcome and initial knowledge
Although we hope you are familiar with the Ritual of Arrival, here is the most recent update.
Sacred Text of Manual
The Ritual of Arrival
Chapter One
Verse one
All Hail Novitiate! By ordering you have made a life changing commitment.
Be comforted in the knowledge that soon all doubts of your decision shall be alleviated and your spirit overcome with joy! All of your questions will be answered, all of your hopes realized, and as you have dreamed...
You will GET IT!
Verse two
Be aware!
No matter when your mail is usually delivered, and probably has been delivered for years, the carrier with your ProVari will come at a different hour. This suckth big time, since one must sign for the package.
Verse three
You may wish to start your vigil immediately. Now is the time of fasting and waiting. You shall not sleep; you shall not eat, as it might maketh you sleepy; you must at all times have a clear view of the Mail of vape receptacle, least the postal carriage slip by unnoticed. Chasing said carriage and screaming unintelligibly in the ProVarinati tongue of pseudo-EngLatin is acceptable. Weeping is allowed, but only after the Sacred ProVari is in your hands and the tears are of gratitude. Bursting into tears because the tracking number hasn't updated in 3 hours is considered impudent.
This is also the time to charge batteries.
.
.
Verse four
Be aware!
In days of yore, the Holiest of Holies did not come in a fancy box, it was simply swaddled in bubble wrap as a way for the ProVarinati to be reminded of our humble beginnings and not to take for granted the amazing gift that is bestowed upon the worthy. More recently, however, the Deities of ProVape answered the prayers for a presentation box. While some agreed that to remind us to be humble is important, they didn't feel Our Precious was being properly honored.
Verse five
You shall find our Blessed One to be smaller than you imagined and yet miraculously heavier! You shall be filled with awe that such power can be contained in a simple casing. And the threading, as attested to, is truly like buttah.
Verse six
You must place the Sacred ProVari on an altar and gently pass a silver* thurible filled with myrrh over it for 7 consecutive nights just past sunset. Then, and only then, you may kneel before a candle and read your Rewards Loyalty Program card (yes, we are rewarded for our loyalty!) upside down and the Secret Name of-which-we-do-not-speak (or post!) shall be revealed.
We are of the lake and the waves
We are of vapor in the holy land of vapor
And all that's to come is inhaled
With the exhaled clouds rising to the sky
Lumen Sees Totus - Nubes Operiet Totius
We are of vapor in the holy land of vapor
And all that's to come is inhaled
With the exhaled clouds rising to the sky
Lumen Sees Totus - Nubes Operiet Totius
*If you don't have silver, aluminum is allowed. The ProVari is forgiving, but you may wish to check eBay, since there is often thuribles and myrrh available with free shipping.
The technical specs of the Sacred Text of Manual is available for download here: Keep this close at hand
Verse seven
Be aware!
Within 6 months, if not sooner, you will order another one for backup. Although it requires great bravery and strength against seduction, you might consider getting verified for the Land of Classifieds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The brave and courageous Praetor, EddardinWinter, is the scribe of many reverent texts. He saith unto us:
Ahem...
It is the Psalm ProVarinati
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In closing of this post, as the ProVarinati Princess, a title bestowed upon me during the Dark Times by the Lord of Eviction, as we created the ProVarinati, I respectfully ask that this thread turneth not into one of social intercourse, as there is a saloon, back alley and camp for that. I hope this thread to be for new ProVarinati who have questions or comments about their first experiences with Our Precious. More information, tips and poster updates will be added in the future.
Let the Merriment Commence!
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