I'm abusing my kids?

[AndriaD]

There just have to be exceptions to the AndriaD rule, but they are few and far between. I have been involved with several as a part of being a court appointed guardian and quickly learned these people need to be favorably impressed. Not only that, I've never gotten away from the feeling that I am being guided in the selection of residential facilities, and so forth. I'm not aware of any 'referral fees' involved, but the thought has crossed my mind more than once.

I'm sure there are a lot of exceptions to the "AndriaD rule"... but I've never run across a single one. Once I had some social workers in my home (due to some busybodies calling them because my son was playing on the street behind our house -- on which there was a 15mph speed limit and 3 cops in residence!) who informed me that having roaches in my home was a sign of child abuse. I mean, get serious. I didn't put the roaches there! Seems to me they should take that up with the OWNER of the property, not the renters!

People who make a living telling others how to live? Busybodies! Who need to get their own lives and stop worrying about other peoples'!

Andria

 

[Tinkiegrrl]

Tinkiegrrl, I agree with you about no ruining every ones day. However, I would have shut her down and humilated her about her own cigarette use.

I sooo really wish someone would start on me the way some here on the forum have described happening to them. Because I really do live for moments to tell someone off who desparately needs it

You know, I always thought that the stories about ANTZ people flipping out were exaggerated around here. I do have one Uncle who mentioned that vaping was worse then smoking, but he's literally a [Moderated] addict and not all there. He also has sense enough to not go into it and argue with me on it. This woman though.... Wow! I was kind of in shock it was happening. She's known us for years. She's known my kids for years. She knows no one is being abused. It's flabbergasting....

 

[AndriaD]

You know, I always thought that the stories about ANTZ people flipping out were exaggerated around here. I do have one Uncle who mentioned that vaping was worse then smoking, but he's literally a [Moderated] addict and not all there. He also has sense enough to not go into it and argue with me on it. This woman though.... Wow! I was kind of in shock it was happening. She's known us for years. She's known my kids for years. She knows no one is being abused. It's flabbergasting....

In that case I'd have to go with whoever said that about her being defensive about her own cigarette addiction -- she sees you doing something about yours, and she's clearly not, so obviously there must be something wrong with YOU if you choose to do that. When I stopped smoking in the house because of my son's lungs and took my mother to task about smoking around him, oh, you should have heard it, you'd have sworn I was abusing the tyke by not smoking around him anymore. But when I informed her she could either take her cigarettes upstairs to her own room when he was in the house, or he could stop visiting her house period, she shut it, and started taking the cigarettes upstairs. People always do get defensive about their own shortcomings, when faced with others who are trying to deal positively with their own. I guess it's human nature.

And I can understand not wanting to mess up the kids' and your MIL's day by departing in a huff -- but I'd sure have made a very loud issue of her smoking around all those kids, considering the BS she was heaping on you.

Andria

 

[wrath186]

I would have told her that you were glad she brought the subject up as you didn't know how to approach her about her cigarette smoking. Tell her that, as a mother and former smoker, you couldn't abide such a nasty, disgusting and obviously dangerous habit as smoking and worse having her smoke in front of your impressionable children. Tell her you're glad that she realizes that she's slowly and torturously killing herself and you appreciate that she's got so much consideration as to stop smoking in front your kids. Then make a deal with her that you won't vape in front of her if she doesn't smoke in front of you and your kids and she need to put her smokes and lighter away out of the reach of little hands; OR she could just mind her own g*****n business.

 

[Zurd]

sorry u had to go through this, I just stopped bothering with ppl like this, life goes on

 

[six]

You have more patience than I have.

 

[Rat2chat2]

Print out some information and tell her you only discuss the matter with intelligent and well informed people. That is what I would try to do before a more direct approach happens. I am sure there are lots of wonderful social workers who really care and make a difference.

 

[SleeZy]

Her final statment says a lot about her. Parrents don't know how to keep vape gear away from their children? DO they know how to keep other dangerous things away from their children?

She sounds like a dimwit.I agree with Andria about most social workers. No offense to those few social workers who actually do a good job. I live in Florida so I think most will understand why I agree with Andria.
Social workers here do not have the best track record.

Anywho back to OP's topic...
It seems to me that she was defensive and went on the attack because you are now vaping and able to give up cigs as she was sitting there puffing away around all of the children.
It is just so clear here that her rant stemmed from her own issues and none based on reality. Her only defense was to attack the danger of e-liquids.
You should have asked her how safe her cigs are if a child gets ahold of them and chews on them.

She is an idiot and I would view her opinion with the knowledge that she is an idiot in my mind

I'vent read whole topic yet so this might be posted already.
But cigarette butts are far worse than most people like to think. Watch this study on cigg buts that children and animals eat and get poisoned.
Tobacco and cigarette .... consumption in humans and animals

This link is also good to give those anti e juice people.
This is another great thing about vaping, we're not throwing butts out everywhere!

This defensive side just shows that she's insecure about herself and propably is jealous because you've now quit smoking.

 

[danca90]

She did it more as a smoker I think. Smokers defend their cigarettes.

 

[Amraann]

You know, I always thought that the stories about ANTZ people flipping out were exaggerated around here. I do have one Uncle who mentioned that vaping was worse then smoking, but he's literally a [Moderated] addict and not all there. He also has sense enough to not go into it and argue with me on it. This woman though.... Wow! I was kind of in shock it was happening. She's known us for years. She's known my kids for years. She knows no one is being abused. It's flabbergasting....

She only said what she said because she is a smoker and is a slave to smoking! It TOTALLY is about her own issues and not you or your parenting!!

I just read above where you said she has no children. LMAO!!! Of course that makes her an expert on the subject!
I LOVE when people with no children claim to know how to raise them Priceless.
It is also possible that she is also jealous that you have children?
(Ya know to neglect and abuse! LOL)

I wish that I could Double like wraths post

 

[HauntedMyst]

This kind of thing is so simple to handle. Just take the common sense approach. Next time you are at her house, go out in the garage and take the lawnmower gas can and sprinkle a trail of gas out to where she smokes leading all the way back to the can. Then invite her to have a smoke. When she tosses the ...., the trail will go up in flames and blow up the garage. Then you can tell her she is putting her children in danger by keeping gasoline in the house.

 

[Amraann]

I'vent read whole topic yet so this might be posted already.
But cigarette butts are far worse than most people like to think. Watch this study on cigg buts that children and animals eat and get poisoned.
Tobacco and cigarette .... consumption in humans and animals

This link is also good to give those anti e juice people.
This is another great thing about vaping, we're not throwing butts out everywhere!

This defensive side just shows that she's insecure about herself and propably is jealous because you've now quit smoking.

Thanks for the links!

I did know that But Apparently OP's hardly a relative SIL being a social worker and expert on all things children because she has none does not

 

[Cariessa]

I think you should have served in the US military to be the Commander In Chief of the US Armed Forces.

I think your boss should know how to do your job before they are entrusted with telling you how to do it.

I think if someone sells a specialized item (Vape gear, sports equipment, computers, video games) they should have some working knowledge of the item, meaning actually use it themselves.

I completely agree with cops and military personnel being tazed so they realize what it is they are doing to someone when they do it.

I think people who cook for schools, nursing homes and the like should have to eat what they cook.

And I believe to be a social worker entrusted with preserving at risk families and safe guarding children you should have children yourself. A book and degree DO NOT make you an expert on raising children. I believe that would have been exactly my point to your In-Law. After I asked her to please put her cigarettes and lighter in a locked box high on a shelf inside the hosts home for the safety of my children because they might get ahold of them and set her car on fire.

 

[Skeebo]

The great part about it is that she is a divorce away from not being connected to you. The other part sadly, is natural death. Don't feel bad when you don't invite her over for Thanksgiving.

 

[DetraMental]

Wow, how hypocritical of her. I'm sure many thought the same who witnessed this onslaught. Has anyone who did hear it have anything to say? I know I would not have anything to do with someone who accused me of abusing my child while performing a worse abuse. Makes me crazy just even trying to comprehend where this woman thought she had a foot to stand on.

 

[Blackboar]

First of all, everything that everyone has said thus far, +1 and LIKE.

Now, for my opinion. If you're a parent, it is your responsibility to keep dangerous things away from your children, then teach them why it's kept away from them. In my home, I have plenty of things that could be dangerous if used/treated improperly. I keep everything safe from my son, and when he is old enough to get to those things, my wife and I will teach him to stay away from them. This includes cleaning agents, medication, electrical outlets/plugs/wires, heavy furniture, cutlery, tools in the toolbox, and firearms in my safe....oh, and e-liquid. So Ms. Social Worker, focus on addressing the behavior of the parents, not what is in the house. Because you're an idiot if you think you can ever make someone's home be hazard product free.

 

[crxess]

Not that it will do a lick of good , but I will keep informing people.

There has been NO Death or SUICIDE by e-liquid poisoning.

The Suicide Injection was a Medical Nicotine and is recorded as such in Medical documents.

Death due to apparent intravenous injection of tapentadol.

Stop the ANTZ
Stop The LIE
Death due to apparent intravenous injection o... [J Forensic Sci. 2013] - PubMed - NCBI

Even the CDC played it's game of words with this case.

Among the 9,839 exposure calls with information about the severity of adverse health effects, e-cigarette exposure calls were more likely to report an adverse health effect after exposure than cigarette exposure calls (57.8% versus 36.0%) (p<0.001). The most common adverse health effects in e-cigarette exposure calls were vomiting, nausea, and eye irritation. One suicide death from intravenous injection of nicotine liquid was reported to PCs.

Notes from the Field: Calls to Poison Centers for Exposures to Electronic Cigarettes — United States, September 2010–February 2014

Take Note: they say Nicotine Liquid - NOT E-Liquid...........

But they Casually include it in an E-cig scare text.

 

[Nermal]

I would have told her that you were glad she brought the subject up as you didn't know how to approach her about her cigarette smoking.

Brilliant! Do you sell used cars or something like that?

That's a real compliment, by the way.

 

[dragonpuff]

Tinkiegrrl, I just want to say I'm very sorry that happened to you that must have been humiliating

Keep in mind though, she made herself look like a nutcase and a fool in front of your whole family! You are NOT the one who looked bad in that situation!

 

[Firecrow]

Most social workers are good people.

But some take it on themselves to act like social conscious policers. Arrogant, self-appointed, ignorant. I don't waste my time on them.