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And everywhere you looked there were different vapes with different eliquids. It was a dream come true, if only my princess wasn't furry.
But then we ran into a sub0hm furry convention and I counted my blessings. I asked the princess if she could sprout her teeth and chase them away, (we were MTL vapers) but she stated she couldn't do it just for that, everyone was entitled to their own beliefs, and I was like, "It's not a RELIGION." and she said, "Oh, you don't know, it sort of may as well be..."
I started walking---
I started walking---
towards the sub-ohmers proudly vaping mtl while dragging my somewhat furry princess along. I got right in the middle of the crowd and proudly yelled "ON THIS LOVELY SUMMER DAY I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT MY WIFE, HUSBAND AND I ARE MTL VAPERS AND PROUD OF IT!"
To my astonishment many set down their Sub-Ohm and said they were mtl also but were afraid to admit it. I told them.....
To my astonishment many set down their Sub-Ohm and said they were mtl also but were afraid to admit it. I told them.....
Don't worry we are in the cranky, crabby zone where we are always talking about harm reduction versus vape tricks and how we were so dang tired of it being the Juul corrupting kids now; instead of sub0hm vaping and how we all secretly LOVED the juul but couldn't actually ENDORSE it, LOL, and then one pulled a juul out of some pouch or pocket and we passed it around and went "Woah what a buzz" and we used sanitizer between puffs and all of a sudden a Furry sort of pulled down his headpiece sort of in an embarrassed fashion and said he was the Head of the FDA when he wasn't being a panda.
My beautiful princess stared his way and---
My beautiful princess stared his way and---
whispered "dad" then shook herself and moved behind me so she couldn't be seen. She half whimpered in my ear "If you love me, don't move. I must stay hidden. I'll explain later"
Since I loved her with all my heart I didn't move but couldn't help wondering about the dad part. She couldn't mean.....
Since I loved her with all my heart I didn't move but couldn't help wondering about the dad part. She couldn't mean.....
what I thought she meant. But then I looked closer and I realized it was not a panda suit, it was a GERMAN SHEPHERD suit. I stood, stunned, but then someone passed me the Juul.
After a deep inhale I wandered over to where Dad was standing and said "Hi, I'm your new son in law, by the way."
He was speechless for a moment but then----------
After a deep inhale I wandered over to where Dad was standing and said "Hi, I'm your new son in law, by the way."
He was speechless for a moment but then----------
He clasped me on the back and smiled "Welcome to the family" He smiled at my princess "I heard you got married to two men, one of them the Terminator. I hope you're happy"
He looked at me and revealed "She's not my biological daughter, not with a last name of Trump but when the fur grew in she got kicked out so my family took her in. We're not afraid of furry children."
The princess looked at the ground, proud and shy at the same time.......
He looked at me and revealed "She's not my biological daughter, not with a last name of Trump but when the fur grew in she got kicked out so my family took her in. We're not afraid of furry children."
The princess looked at the ground, proud and shy at the same time.......
I swear she turned white(even the fur) and then she puked.... "Um mm" but before she could answer the Terminator showed up and she puked on him.....
And the FDA head got between the terminator and said "Watch yourself" and I realized one BENEFIT of polygamy was ,I wasn't entirely sure I was the dad makes divorce easier. So I---
put it all on the Terminator. "Sir, he's the only one that's been alone with your daughter. I've only been with her in public and we haven't done anything but kiss" He looked doubtful then asked "Have you both been eagles and flown together?" I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach wondering how this perfect summer day was going so wrong "Well ummm......
I decided it was time to head to the NET portion of vapeland, so grabbing the princesses hand I gave the Terminator a dirty look and said, "I bet you flew like an eagle with her too."
We entered the arena, centrifuges and fragrant dry tobacco leaf everywhere. The princess said, "You know I'm pregnant we should build a "birth nest" outta some of that."
I realized she WAS part dog once again and that I might be expecting a litter! With a deep sigh I---
We entered the arena, centrifuges and fragrant dry tobacco leaf everywhere. The princess said, "You know I'm pregnant we should build a "birth nest" outta some of that."
I realized she WAS part dog once again and that I might be expecting a litter! With a deep sigh I---
led her to a vendor. "You do know you should have months till the child, umm pups, umm chick, umm offspring are due, don't you?" "I believe in being prepared. We can't judge the time" As wacky as this summer had been nothing was certain. "Can we have a sack of that raw? Not to smoke. We really believe in DIY".....
But the vendor shook his head. "She's carrying a litter," he said, and I can't in good conscience allow you to leave with said plant. I can sell you a few cigar shaped vapes, so that you can celebrate the litter, but that's about it."
The princess snarled, then started breathing heavy. At first, I thought that the princess was angry at being denied her vape "treat."
However, I realized in dog years, her labor was starting! "I need backup," I thought, and placing her tenderly in a bale of tobacco behind a NET vendor's stall I started yelling, "Terminator! Terminator!"
He appeared, and said, "I cannot Terminate this! Instead I will---"
The princess snarled, then started breathing heavy. At first, I thought that the princess was angry at being denied her vape "treat."
However, I realized in dog years, her labor was starting! "I need backup," I thought, and placing her tenderly in a bale of tobacco behind a NET vendor's stall I started yelling, "Terminator! Terminator!"
He appeared, and said, "I cannot Terminate this! Instead I will---"
stand back and be prepared to catch the pups." I couldn't believe this was happening so fast. One summer day I was carefree and single, then I'm in a polygamist marriage and my bride is whelping a litter. I hoped at least one looked like me. I looked around for her'father' and called him over.
" It's her time. Thought you'd want to be here" At her first howl of pain he and the Terminator both fainted. "Guess it's just you and me baby"
I checked to see if any had come out yet but all I could see was fur until.....
" It's her time. Thought you'd want to be here" At her first howl of pain he and the Terminator both fainted. "Guess it's just you and me baby"
I checked to see if any had come out yet but all I could see was fur until.....
I also stopped describing things mentally to myself because it was all just WAY TOO traumatic. In a random, amnesiac sort of fashion, I began catching puppybabies, right and left. The princess kept saying "I am going to kill you all once I'm done with this, how could you DO this to me, she also demanded I manifest an epidural and I said, "it's way too late for THAT honey...." and she began using many, many censored words, but I hung in there until FINALLY----
a little brown fuzzy runt popped out and started sucking on my finger. "Lily!! We're parents. You just had" mumbling as I counted "OMG! Counting the runt you had an even dozen kids, or pups or whatever they're called but you had a bunch!"
I was scared to ask but I had to "When will they start looking more human? And if you eat the placenta I'm outa here!"
Before she could answer the runt gave me kisses and my heart melted. "Not sure how we'll take care of them all but they're beautiful, just like their mom"
She looked at me exhausted but lovingly and said......
I was scared to ask but I had to "When will they start looking more human? And if you eat the placenta I'm outa here!"
Before she could answer the runt gave me kisses and my heart melted. "Not sure how we'll take care of them all but they're beautiful, just like their mom"
She looked at me exhausted but lovingly and said......
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"You' re breastfeeding too. We agreed to equality in our marriage."
"Can't I just handle the housetraining," I answered.
But, she sat up then and stared at me with a piercing gaze, more piercing and firey and hot and frenetic even compared to the Light of a Million suns!!!!!!! And said, "Nice try---
"Can't I just handle the housetraining," I answered.
But, she sat up then and stared at me with a piercing gaze, more piercing and firey and hot and frenetic even compared to the Light of a Million suns!!!!!!! And said, "Nice try---
"I'm not sure I'm built to breastfeed but if you stop glaring at me like that I'll try. What about Mr Terminator? Does he get a turn breastfeeding? Owww, the cute little runt just bit my nipple. Why didn't you tell me they had teeth?"
I held the runt out by the scruff of its neck" One condition. You and I name them. I don't want the Terminator naming my kids, uhh pups, uhh offspring. He'd name them after weapons or something "
Still holding the runt by the scruff of its neck he peed on me." ohhh gross".......
I held the runt out by the scruff of its neck" One condition. You and I name them. I don't want the Terminator naming my kids, uhh pups, uhh offspring. He'd name them after weapons or something "
Still holding the runt by the scruff of its neck he peed on me." ohhh gross".......
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