I forgot to mention this to everyone. The joke in the OP, about the brain transplant, Heather got it and laughed, Adam didn't get it and she had to explain it to him. Which I suppose proves the point of the joke.
bwahahahahhahaha!
Laughter is the best medicine
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bwahahahahhahaha!
A teacher asks her class the following riddle, “Five birds are sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” After looking around the room, she chooses one to answer. She calls on a student named Carbon.
Carbon clears his throat and says, “None, they all fly away with the gunshot?”
The teacher smirks at him, and poor Carbon shifts in his seat nervously. The teacher finally says to the young man, “The correct answer is four, but I do like your thinking.”
Noticing this, a handsome young student named Edd raises his hand and blurts out, “I have a question for you, M’am. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One named Robin is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop ice cream cone. The second one is named Hula, and she is gobbling down the top and sucking on the cone. The last one, named Sunny, is biting the top off of the ice cream. Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing and clearly flustered, says nervously, “Well I suppose the one that has gobbled the top and sucked the cone, Edd.”
The young man smiles knowingly at her, waits for a dramatic moment, then he says,
“The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring…
…but I do like your thinking”
Carbon clears his throat and says, “None, they all fly away with the gunshot?”
The teacher smirks at him, and poor Carbon shifts in his seat nervously. The teacher finally says to the young man, “The correct answer is four, but I do like your thinking.”
Noticing this, a handsome young student named Edd raises his hand and blurts out, “I have a question for you, M’am. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One named Robin is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop ice cream cone. The second one is named Hula, and she is gobbling down the top and sucking on the cone. The last one, named Sunny, is biting the top off of the ice cream. Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing and clearly flustered, says nervously, “Well I suppose the one that has gobbled the top and sucked the cone, Edd.”
The young man smiles knowingly at her, waits for a dramatic moment, then he says,
“The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring…
…but I do like your thinking”
A young man went with his father to a horse auction. He was very excited to be permitted along on this activity. Being a curious boy, he watched his father very closely. His dad went from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest. After observing this several times the son finally asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His father grinned at him and replied, “When I am buying a horse I have to make sure that they are healthy, have been well fed, and they are in good shape before I invest in them”. He smiled at his young son, intending to pass along an important lesson to him.
But the boy looked rather worried. After a pause to think about it, the boy said, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”
His father grinned at him and replied, “When I am buying a horse I have to make sure that they are healthy, have been well fed, and they are in good shape before I invest in them”. He smiled at his young son, intending to pass along an important lesson to him.
But the boy looked rather worried. After a pause to think about it, the boy said, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”
A couple goes on vacation to a local Fishing Resort.
The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors and continues to read her book.
Along comes a Fisheries Officer in his boat, pulls alongside the woman and says "Goodmorning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book!" she replies, "Isn't it obvious?"
"You are in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up".
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault, "says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the Fisheries Officer.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.
The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors and continues to read her book.
Along comes a Fisheries Officer in his boat, pulls alongside the woman and says "Goodmorning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book!" she replies, "Isn't it obvious?"
"You are in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up".
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault, "says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the Fisheries Officer.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.
If one of us mods don't delete that post, Dusty will be all over us. Hate to do it because it does not offend me personally, but...
For the record, Chak suggested it was going a bit far.
For the record, Chak suggested it was going a bit far.
Ok since Bronze, I think it was, is such a Steven Wright fan, here's one of my all time favorites, pretty sure it's from Mr. Wright, but can't locate it on the net anywhere. Paraphrased below, stop me if you've heard it
It's always dark at night in my house. I don't have electricity because I don't believe in anything I can't see.
Luckily my camera has a flash. It took me 43 pictures to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich last night.
It's always dark at night in my house. I don't have electricity because I don't believe in anything I can't see.
Luckily my camera has a flash. It took me 43 pictures to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich last night.
"The Gift"
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, Sunshine, he went to Nordstroms and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, there was a tragic mistake and the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
Dearest Amy-
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love,
Pappy
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, Sunshine, he went to Nordstroms and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, there was a tragic mistake and the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
Dearest Amy-
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love,
Pappy
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
Yeah, I'd say so. And without a shadow of doubt. I laughed though. Thought you'd prefer getting rung up by a friend than Classy. She might have attached an infraction to your file (as she liked to do to me)
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
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