Laughter is the best medicine

[PapawBrett]

WARNING- Trucker Joke. Use Caution !
The New Credit Card Commercial That Never Aired on Your Television
A woman was late for work one monday morning. She hurriedly drove towards the office when she crossed a bridge and sped past a state trooper with a radar gun waiting at the far end of the bridge. After pulling her over to side of the road, the Officer walks up to her car and asks,"What seems to be the big hurry this morning, ma'am ?"
"I'm running late for work." she replied.
"What do you do that's so important you need to be speeding?" the Officer asks.
"I'm a nurse, I work as a rectum stretcher." she answers.
"A Rectum Strecher ?!?" the Officer inquires.
"Yes. I start by inserting one finger, then two fingers, then three, then my hand, then my other hand, and I keep streching to create a six-foot opening."
Stunned, the Officer asks, "What would you do with a six-foot a$$ho!e ?"
"Give him a Radar Gun and put him behind a bridge." she replies.
Speeding Ticket- $125. Court Cost- $95. The look on the Cop's face- PRICELESS !
There are some things in life money cannot buy, for everything else......

 

[Chakris]

These are so funny, just had to put it here - Hulamoon found it and had it on the big thread.

http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/45080/the-50-most-hilarious-autocorrects-of-2012/

 

[73ckn797]

Butthurt Potatoes 8-o

These are so funny, just had to put it here - Hulamoon found it and had it on the big thread.

http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/45080/the-50-most-hilarious-autocorrects-of-2012/

 

[Hulamoon]

My faves are the gym membership. the gangsta hamsters and "just want to see you dear"

Butthurt Potatoes 8-o

 

[Koman]

These are so funny, just had to put it here - Hulamoon found it and had it on the big thread.

http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/45080/the-50-most-hilarious-autocorrects-of-2012/

LOl those are great!

 

[zapped]

A man walks into a bar and sees on Octopus sitting at the bar and starts laughing. The bartenders says "That octopus is a virtuoso and deserves your respect.He can play any musical instrument known to man".

The man doesnt believe and bets the bartender 100 bucks he cant. The bartenders reaches calmly behind the bar and grabs an electric guitar before handing it to the octopus.

The Octopus starts touching the guitar all over and after a minute or so starts shredding it.He's playing Jimmy Hendrix, Steve Vai, Randy Rhodes and even tunes no ones heard before.

The man is flabbergasted but determined to get his money back. A few weeks later he walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes and bets the bartender 100 dollars the octopus cant play them. Bartenders says "Okay" and hands the bagpipes to the octopus with a smug smile on his face.

Just like before, the octopus starts touching the bagpipes all over but this goes on for a long time with no music being played.The bartender sidles over and nudges the octopus and says "Are you going to play the damn thing or what?"

The octopus blinks a few times and looks up him before saying "Play her? Im going to have sex with her if I can figure out how to get her pajamas off".

 

[gthompson]

A little long, but funny as heck. Jeff Gordon (the NASCAR driver) plays a practical joke on a car salesman.

Pepsi MAX & Jeff Gordon Present: "Test Drive" - YouTube

 

[Bronze]

A little long, but funny as heck. Jeff Gordon (the Indy car driver) plays a practical joke on a car salesman.

Pepsi MAX & Jeff Gordon Present: "Test Drive" - YouTube

I saw this one a couple weeks ago and laughed my ... off. Good vid GT!!!

Pfffttt...Jeff Gordon is a NASCAR driver.

 

[gthompson]

Pfffttt...Jeff Gordon is a NASCAR driver.

Uhmm...There's a difference?

 

[CarbonThief]

Uhmm...There's a difference?

Big time, well to those into that sort of thing.

 

[CarbonThief]

A little long, but funny as heck. Jeff Gordon (the NASCAR driver) plays a practical joke on a car salesman.

Pepsi MAX & Jeff Gordon Present: "Test Drive" - YouTube

That is awesome!

 

[Bronze]

Uhmm...There's a difference?

In a language you can understand....one is the NBA (NASCAR) and the other is the European Basketball League (Indy). I know, you don't like either. That's why I put it in a language you could understand.

 

[Voltron]

This Ali G segment makes me LOL every single time I watch it. I hope you guys enjoy it.

 

[Bronze]

You don't laugh at the joke. You laugh at the idiot that told the joke.

Little Johnny had a foot growing out the top of his head. He hadn't seen his Grandma in awhile so he decided to visit her. He knocks on the door and his Grandma opens the door and says, "Why Johnny, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you".

 

[gthompson]

Okay, that's bad.

 

[Robino1]

You don't laugh at the joke. You laugh at the idiot that told the joke.

Little Johnny had a foot growing out the top of his head. He hadn't seen his Grandma in awhile so he decided to visit her. He knocks on the door and his Grandma opens the door and says, "Why Johnny, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you".

Just

 

[Bronze]

Okay, that's bad.

I thought so.

 

[wandawag]

THANKS...yes, laughter is in fact the best medicine. read only the first page and loving it. i will be reading and hopefully submitting...i need lots of laughter right now and count on it daily....i will be back, just wanted to thank original poster for starting this thread. keep vaping folks while i pee my pants!

 

[Bronze]

THANKS...yes, laughter is in fact the best medicine. read only the first page and loving it. i will be reading and hopefully submitting...i need lots of laughter right now and count on it daily....i will be back, just wanted to thank original poster for starting this thread. keep vaping folks while i pee my pants!

OK, I'll keep ...... while you vape too.

 

[OLDER71]

OK, I'll keep ...... while you vape too.

I resemble that remark