Hola ..
I don't mean to be a downer, but here goes .. writing for me is a catharsis, as most of you probably know ..
I am aware, better than anyone, that I tend to drift into melancholy on a fairly regular basis .. it's been the same for many years, and it gets worse as Old Man Time continues to march on .. the inability to do physical tasks that used to be second nature, the physical pain that haunts from the moment you get up .. the sheer process of aging is a weight that can just be so hard to carry .. at the same time, you can't give up ..
Mike was one of the closest friends I had, we went way back .. his main problem was he was married to the wrong woman .. and did not have the balls to walk away, I suppose because he loved her .. love is strange that way .. he was a Harley rider, blue-collar working man, took every shred of overtime they would give him when he worked .. provided for his family the best he could, had a Special Needs son that still had to live at home .. etc, etc ..
After his well earned retirement, I convinced him to take a trip with me out West, just him and I .. it was tough, but eventually he gave in, we made plans, his wife did not like the idea but for once in his life, he stood up to her and we ended up hitting the road ..
I love the road, lived on it for many years, and when he finally got out and started to breath the freedom in the air, I'd never seen someone who seemed to transform more than old Mike .. almost like a fresh, new personality was somehow emerging out of the darkness .. we had a grand time, the West is a World away in some areas as compared to other parts of the country .. I'd venture to guess, it was maybe the happiest time of his life, those
three weeks ..
This may sound crass, however, we were sitting at a bar in Las Vegas having a whiskey or 3 and an attractive young woman walked up to get a drink and smiled at Mike .. they said a couple pleasantries and she wrote her room number down on a cocktail napkin and walked away .. after Mike peed his pants, all he could say when he looked at me was 'I've still got it .. ' .. not that he went to the room, Mike would never do that .. but it was a demonstration of just how low his opinion was of himself .. forget the fact that the woman was likely a ......, I knew it, she knew it, but just that small exchange put Mike on Cloud 9 for days .. that is what I call a sad yet happy story ..
Panned for gold, took the mules down into the Grand Canyon, watched rain turn to sleet and then snow when we crossed the Continental Divide .. made it to the Pacific and then up to Yosemite ..
When we finally rolled back home, he just deflated again, quickly .. you see, I suspected Mike had a hidden death wish for some time .. 4 packs of smokes a day, bad health habits, he was slowing killing himself ..
Time moved on, we kind of drifted apart, mainly because his wife really grew to dislike me after the trip .. I guess I broke her grip for a time and she decided it was time to put the hammer down ..
What's the point of all this .. ?? Well, it's the path that life takes you .. As I have always said in the past, I decided to live life and follow the path I wanted to follow (within rules) .. it cost me 4 wives and a lost son that was my only child .. with Mike, he decided to conform to his marriage at the cost of himself along the way .. I don't make any claim on which one of us was right or wrong .. there is no real right or wrong ..
I can remember one of the first posts I made on ECF back in Randalls day was 'I've not yet quite got to the point where I'm going to slice one of my ears off ..' .. I don't guess that's changed ..
I'm happy to vicariously witness all of you folks lives as we've spent our time together here around the Digital Campfire .. I don't want it to end, but end it will, someday ..
I played this at Mikes funeral ::
