Make us Laugh!!!

[Lauralie]

True story -

Girl I know has a three year old boy and sometimes to speed up the evening she puts him in the tub with her. One night he asks the question "How come your pee pee is different than mine". Easy answer right - I am a girl you are a boy. Well not so much - he then proceeds to ask her why she has a mustache and he doesn't?

So really - how do you answer that question? Never got an answer from her either - we were all laughing so hard!

 

[Evie Luv]

Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"

 

[pmos69]

Two guys are playing golf at their local golf course. One of them is about to get onto the green when he sees a funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in respect.

The other guy says: “Man, that is just about the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.”

“Well, we were married 45 years...”

 

[Valdrak]

Crap edited out.

 

[starsong]

I just found a good use for the Like button

 

[jazdale]

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender sez "hey, why the long face"

 

[jazdale]

Did you hear about the plastic surgeon that hung himself?

 

[Ceegary]

In the same vein, also true...My friend's daughter, about the same age, comes in while he's taking a bath. She stares intently at his privates, then says; "Not so great" and leaves.

True story -

Girl I know has a three year old boy and sometimes to speed up the evening she puts him in the tub with her. One night he asks the question "How come your pee pee is different than mine". Easy answer right - I am a girl you are a boy. Well not so much - he then proceeds to ask her why she has a mustache and he doesn't?

So really - how do you answer that question? Never got an answer from her either - we were all laughing so hard!

 

[Evie Luv]

In a recent password audit by Facebook, it was discovered that a woman was using the following password.

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

 

[analog]

2 guys walked into a bar.
.
.
.
.
The third one ducked.

 

[analog]

So a blooger a riV4L and a modder are vaping together when a genie shows up and grants them a free ml of their favorite juice. The modder gets a ml of high voltage scary juice, the riV4L a ml of WowSuperSunnyWowJuiceWow. The blooger receives a ml of bloog's 555.

By the unlikeliest of coincidences that only happens in jokes, right then 3 flies buzz in and land in each of the juices. The modder turns his nose up in disgust and pushes the ml away demanding another. The riV4L picks the fly out, flicks it to the side and loads up his carto. The blooger grabs the fly, holds him over his carto and screams "spit it out you ......., spit it out!"

(our juice is precious to us!)

 

[starsong]

So a blooger a riV4L and a modder are vaping together when a genie shows up and grants them a free ml of their favorite juice. The modder gets a ml of high voltage scary juice, the riV4L a ml of WowSuperSunnyWowJuiceWow. The blooger receives a ml of bloog's 555.

By the unlikeliest of coincidences that only happens in jokes, right then 3 flies buzz in and land in each of the juices. The modder turns his nose up in disgust and pushes the ml away demanding another. The riV4L picks the fly out, flicks it to the side and loads up his carto. The blooger grabs the fly, holds him over his carto and screams "spit it out you ......., spit it out!"

(our juice is precious to us!)

I wish I could "like" this more than once.

 

[redempti0N]

So a blooger a riV4L and a modder are vaping together when a genie shows up and grants them a free ml of their favorite juice. The modder gets a ml of high voltage scary juice, the riV4L a ml of WowSuperSunnyWowJuiceWow. The blooger receives a ml of bloog's 555.

By the unlikeliest of coincidences that only happens in jokes, right then 3 flies buzz in and land in each of the juices. The modder turns his nose up in disgust and pushes the ml away demanding another. The riV4L picks the fly out, flicks it to the side and loads up his carto. The blooger grabs the fly, holds him over his carto and screams "spit it out you ......., spit it out!"

(our juice is precious to us!)

Lies, we would have stuffed the fly in the carto and vaped him too

 

[jazdale]

Mrs. T's new flavor .. young fly

 

[redempti0N]

 

[starsong]

where is the "I don't get it" button?

 

[redempti0N]

where is the "I don't get it" button?

google chrome is better than firefox, which is better than IE

 

[Evie Luv]

A girl calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me...I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

His girlfriend says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He took her hand and said, "Second, I'd want you to relax...Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..........." he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

 

[analog]

google chrome is better than firefox, which is better than IE

and neither safari nor opera are getttin' any.

 

[analog]

decided to edit for politeness