Make us Laugh!!!
- Thread starter redempti0N
- Start date
- th_trl_thread_readers 0
- Status
I was just thinking something like that. Only, in my head, it was like that car-load of funny clowns was heading to the center ring just as an elephant broke loose and trampled the little car.
So after many years of being alone my friend decided he was going to try on-line dating. He signed up for one of those sites where you put all your info in and they have a computer match you up with someone. He went on a few dates, but each time nothing worked out... He was getting tired of the situation, promised the next date would be the last, if it failed, he was done with it. He met up with the girl at a favorite restaurant of his. Things took off. She didn't mind all of his issues, and laughed at his dumb jokes... The night went so well she invited him back to her house. Things were going great.... Then she stopped, looked him the eye, and said "hold on, need to get something out of the bathroom". As she went up to leave he started freaking out...... Will finish this when I get home... Stupid phone...
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
My apologies if this doesn't translate too well to other countries.
There were two hunters out in the woods... uh... hunting... the first guy says to the second, "Hey man you got any paper I gotta use the toilet..." The second guys replies, "No man... don't you have a dollar?" The first guy says, "hell ya i got a dollar! sweet.. I'll be right back..." A few moments later the first guy returns and he has poo all over his hands. The second guy says, "Hey man, I thought you had a dollar?" The first guy responds with, "That is the last time I wipe my ... with three quarter two dimes and a nickel."
There were two hunters out in the woods... uh... hunting... the first guy says to the second, "Hey man you got any paper I gotta use the toilet..." The second guys replies, "No man... don't you have a dollar?" The first guy says, "hell ya i got a dollar! sweet.. I'll be right back..." A few moments later the first guy returns and he has poo all over his hands. The second guy says, "Hey man, I thought you had a dollar?" The first guy responds with, "That is the last time I wipe my ... with three quarter two dimes and a nickel."
So Bubba is out hunting with Jed. They drink a few beers and a few snorts of whiskey, and have no luck with the deer. While they are getting the truck loaded up to head home, Bubba stumbles and he accidentally shoots Jed in the chest.
Blood spattered and torn with grief, he frantically dials 911 on his cell phone. When the operator answers he blurts out "I was hunting with my friend, and I don't know what happened, my gun went off and I killed him. God help me I KILLED my best friend, what do I do?"
The operator tells the man "OK, first, calm down, take a deep breath, and make sure he's really dead."
The line falls silent for a moment, the operator hears a stifled sob and a loud bang before Bubba gets back on the line and says "OK, he's really dead, now what?"
Blood spattered and torn with grief, he frantically dials 911 on his cell phone. When the operator answers he blurts out "I was hunting with my friend, and I don't know what happened, my gun went off and I killed him. God help me I KILLED my best friend, what do I do?"
The operator tells the man "OK, first, calm down, take a deep breath, and make sure he's really dead."
The line falls silent for a moment, the operator hears a stifled sob and a loud bang before Bubba gets back on the line and says "OK, he's really dead, now what?"
True Story: Today, my cat was sitting at it's bowl eating. My quaker parrot landed on the floor behind him, walked up to his ...., bit said ...., and ran away laughing..... ACTUALLY LAUGHING. She laughs just like my fiancee. The look on the cat's face was priceless.
A lady walks into a pharmacy and asks the Pharmacist for a bottle of arsenic.
"Ma'am that's a very dangerous susbstance. Why do you need a bottle of arsenic?" asks the pharmacist.
"I am going to poison my husband" says the lady.
"Ma'am, you can't poison your husband. Its against the law and if I sell it to you I would also be charged with murder. I can't do it." says the pharmacist.
The lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmcist's wife and hands it to the pharmacist.
"Why didn't you tell me you had a prescription!"
"Ma'am that's a very dangerous susbstance. Why do you need a bottle of arsenic?" asks the pharmacist.
"I am going to poison my husband" says the lady.
"Ma'am, you can't poison your husband. Its against the law and if I sell it to you I would also be charged with murder. I can't do it." says the pharmacist.
The lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmcist's wife and hands it to the pharmacist.
"Why didn't you tell me you had a prescription!"
a blonde a brunette and a red head were smoking cigs.
The blonde had camels, red head had marboros, and the brunette had synomas.
It started to rain so the red head and brunette pull out a condom and put it on their cigs.
The blonde says "what are you doing"
and they said "we are saving it for later"
So the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a condom.
The clerk says Wwhat size? small, medium, or large?"
She said "I dont know - one to fit a camel"
The blonde had camels, red head had marboros, and the brunette had synomas.
It started to rain so the red head and brunette pull out a condom and put it on their cigs.
The blonde says "what are you doing"
and they said "we are saving it for later"
So the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a condom.
The clerk says Wwhat size? small, medium, or large?"
She said "I dont know - one to fit a camel"
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize hed lost his cigarettes. He went back in and in the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes, he said to himself. He got out his hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. Here, she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. I found them in the hallway.
Now, she said, If only I could find my parakeet.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. Here, she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. I found them in the hallway.
Now, she said, If only I could find my parakeet.
- Status
Similar threads
