NHaler JOKES

[alphafemale]

We would never ignore you hittman, I read almost everything that's posted under Nhaler but I don't always post a response. The technical stuff is over my head so most of that I ignore

 

[hittman]

It's nice to know I'm still welcome here. This is where I got my start. Thanks alpha.

Drew, that signature seems to fit for me these days.

 

[alphafemale]

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.


When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.


Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.


As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, 'You must be in the 5th grade.'

'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.'

 

[prophetr1]

Lmao funny stuff in this thread....

 

[convict3]

the funniest part of this is my grand ma sent it to me.

Think of a letter
>between
>A and W.
>Repeat it out loud as
>you scroll down.
>Keep going . . .Don't stop
>Think of an
>animal
>that begins
>with that letter.
>Repeat it
>out loud
>as you
>scroll down..
>Think of either a  *man's/woman's
>name*
>that
>begins
>with the
>last letter
>in the
>animal's name
>Almost there.......
>Now
>count out
>the letters
>in that name
>on the fingers
>of the hand
>you are not
>using to
>scroll down.
>
>
>Take the hand you
>FIRST counted with
>and hold it out*
>in front of you*
>at face level.
>
>
>Look at your
>palm
>very closely
>and
>notice
>the
>lines
>in
>your
>hand.
>
>
>
>Do the lines
>take the
>form of the
>first letter
>in the
>person's name?!
>
>
>*Of course they don't, you idiot!*
>
>
>
>Now TAKE THAT *
>HAND AND* smack
>the s**t out of yourself,
>
>
>*get a life, and quit
>playing
>stupid *e-mail games!

 

[Drewsworld]

Tell Granny she got me good!!!LOL

 

[dukeofdata]

 

[Drewsworld]

LMAO!!!! You have to post these in the cig banner contest thread!!! Never know you could win something!!!!
Drew

 

[Drewsworld]

BUMP it up

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best
to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows
nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to
Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who
responded:

Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty... You're
crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always
late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called
Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be
something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.
Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked

her about her trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were
we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,

and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and

I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And

the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and
now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked,
so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know
you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss
Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet
some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room
and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure
enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the
door and shook my hand!
I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said: "Who fked up your hair?"

 

[badkolo]

how do you get a nun pregnant??





















you F her

 

[hittman]

shame, shame, shame. Seriously though, good one!

 

[Drewsworld]

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay you'll walk again and everything, but...
"Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."
The man perks up at this.
"So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."
The man agrees to talk with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the man.
"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite countertops."

I liked this one!!!

 

[dukeofdata]

 

[hittman]

That's a good one duke. Very nice indeed. That's kinda how I feel sometimes when my wife starts talking about moving furniture to put the Xmas tree up in just the right spot.

 

[PKZap27]

 

[Drewsworld]

LMAO....SO true , so true....

 

[PKZap27]

This guy has to get his father into a nursing home, so he talks it over with his father and his father doesn’t want to go. The son finally tells his father to go and stay for a couple of weeks check it out, and if you decide you don’t like it there I’ll come and get you and bring you back home. So, the father agrees and decides to go and check it out.

The first morning a gorgeous nurse walks in and states she is there to give him a sponge bath. During the sponge bath he gets excited and the nurse kindly gives him a happy ending. He starts thinking to himself, WOW! this place is not so bad after all.

That afternoon his son calls on the phone to check up on his father. The father goes on and on about how much he likes it there, and how it really isn’t such a bad place and then tells his son about the sponge bath with the happy ending, and how he feels that it going to work out fine being there. The son gets all excited and tells his father that this is great news, finishes the conversation and hangs up.

Well, that evening the father is walking down the hall and falls down. A male intern quickly runs up behind him and starts “getting” him from behind. The male intern finishes his business, helps the father up and tells to him that he better be quite about what just happened if he know what is best for him.

The father, all shook up gets back to his room to call his son and explains the whole story about how he fell down and how the male intern came up behind him and had his way with him. The father goes on to tell him that he really needs to get him out of this place and take him back home. The son thinks for a minute and says to his father; “dad, sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad”. Then the father says;

“No! No! I don’t think you understand son. I only get excited once a month, however I’m falling down three times a day.”