I cleaned! I'm ahead of like schedule. Seriously, maybe (if you write your own wedding vows....That should be a thing.) Like, I promise to love, honor and listen to you SOMETIMES but you will get X number of blow jobs per week."
I wrote my own wedding vows and it was kinda fun. It would have been EVEN MORE FUN had we announced our like, solomn decision to Honor the Blow Job in front of our relatives and EVERYBODY.
I would have DONE IT!!!!!!!!!!! But, clearly we ALL have no shame. In fact I would have LOVED announcing that to my mother in law, it really would have done her head in sideways.
Or maybe not. We have had many subtle, unspoken discussions of how poorly I care for her child, like the time she came to visit and did this needlepoint (she is a MASTER of cross stitch) of the Serenity prayer it had to have taken MONTHS it was the long version. It's amazing. It has his sobriety date on it, She brought ME a few hastily crocheted um, washcloths, I think the message was do the dishes.
Also, she TOTALLY folded his laundry out of the washer!!!!!! OMG, she WENT in there and just did it. I was like, "What are you doing lady?" and she was like, "Sigh poor thing he works SO HARD....." I was like, "MIL *I* ALSO work hard and frankly a lot of MY hard earned money WENT to PAYING for your trip here so why don't you let the guy just---" and I left and went to smoke because I was gonna FORCIBLY remove her WE were both working long hours.
Yeah, then I took her to lunch and she and my husband (she purchased TWO macaroons, one for her one for her kid. I paid for LUNCH but she did not ask me if I liked them. I do, as it happens.) Anyway, they sat there eating them, after dinner. That was a time I was like "Thank THE DEAR LORD my mom is across the street" because I had to flee there and ...... I did that a lot. My mom peacably told me every time I was "doing great." Ha.
Then came the Brazil nuts as "N(censored toes." I was like "WHUT? WHY are you calling them that?" And she was all like, "Well that's what they were called when I was growing up." I was like, that is a DISGUSTING term, and I am highly OFFENDED. She was like, "it's from another age. I was like, so are outhouses but I don't see you using one.
I got my brief revenge. My MIL always wanted to go on about like, her son's Native American heritage like it was SO COOL and my son (who was like 6) asked about ours. I was like, well German, English, Russian quite a bit, and part Aussie convict, part Aborigine."
She was very quiet after that.
She was also scheduled to have dinner with my mom like, the next day so I had to call and tell her the story of like, the whole thing and that my mom could agree with my lie or say, "Your daughter in law is a lying "censored."
My mom laughed really hard and said she would be happy to lie but she "Doubted the topic would come up.'
I let my kiddo believe he was part Aborigine for few years, I figured it was probably good for him. Well, it was what it was.
I'm sure the husband told her I was lying but it was SO WORTH IT.
I would have VOWED a BILLION blow jobs in front of that lady and our minster who was cool. LOL.
Anna
I wrote my own wedding vows and it was kinda fun. It would have been EVEN MORE FUN had we announced our like, solomn decision to Honor the Blow Job in front of our relatives and EVERYBODY.
I would have DONE IT!!!!!!!!!!! But, clearly we ALL have no shame. In fact I would have LOVED announcing that to my mother in law, it really would have done her head in sideways.
Or maybe not. We have had many subtle, unspoken discussions of how poorly I care for her child, like the time she came to visit and did this needlepoint (she is a MASTER of cross stitch) of the Serenity prayer it had to have taken MONTHS it was the long version. It's amazing. It has his sobriety date on it, She brought ME a few hastily crocheted um, washcloths, I think the message was do the dishes.
Also, she TOTALLY folded his laundry out of the washer!!!!!! OMG, she WENT in there and just did it. I was like, "What are you doing lady?" and she was like, "Sigh poor thing he works SO HARD....." I was like, "MIL *I* ALSO work hard and frankly a lot of MY hard earned money WENT to PAYING for your trip here so why don't you let the guy just---" and I left and went to smoke because I was gonna FORCIBLY remove her WE were both working long hours.
Yeah, then I took her to lunch and she and my husband (she purchased TWO macaroons, one for her one for her kid. I paid for LUNCH but she did not ask me if I liked them. I do, as it happens.) Anyway, they sat there eating them, after dinner. That was a time I was like "Thank THE DEAR LORD my mom is across the street" because I had to flee there and ...... I did that a lot. My mom peacably told me every time I was "doing great." Ha.
Then came the Brazil nuts as "N(censored toes." I was like "WHUT? WHY are you calling them that?" And she was all like, "Well that's what they were called when I was growing up." I was like, that is a DISGUSTING term, and I am highly OFFENDED. She was like, "it's from another age. I was like, so are outhouses but I don't see you using one.
I got my brief revenge. My MIL always wanted to go on about like, her son's Native American heritage like it was SO COOL and my son (who was like 6) asked about ours. I was like, well German, English, Russian quite a bit, and part Aussie convict, part Aborigine."
She was very quiet after that.
She was also scheduled to have dinner with my mom like, the next day so I had to call and tell her the story of like, the whole thing and that my mom could agree with my lie or say, "Your daughter in law is a lying "censored."
My mom laughed really hard and said she would be happy to lie but she "Doubted the topic would come up.'
I let my kiddo believe he was part Aborigine for few years, I figured it was probably good for him. Well, it was what it was.
I'm sure the husband told her I was lying but it was SO WORTH IT.
I would have VOWED a BILLION blow jobs in front of that lady and our minster who was cool. LOL.
Anna
& 
