PV and Atty Abuse Reporting Thread

[BiancaMontgomery]

***lifts head and manages a faint smile***

Thank you Ms. Montgomery. You are a treasure...worth your weight in gold and then some...I don't care what anyone says! We may have to keep our activities free of the court room, but I have a swing in my back yard with our names on it....Whatdya say?.....After court.....around 10? I'll bring the cat

***goes back to stress induced weeping***

Awesomesauce! I'll bring the bushes (yes, they're in the back of my Escape...hell, I think the damn cat is still in one of them!).

 

[BiancaMontgomery]

OK, so I've read some of this thread off and on and while it's slightly bizarre and I don't really understand what's going on, I thought I'd still report that I knowingly abused two attys to the point of killing them outright.

I received my new mod in the mail and it came with 2 3v bats. I knew that my standard 510's were probably not fit to use on it, BUT I really wanted to try it out instead of waitng for my 3.7v to come in the mail. So I put one standard 510 atty on my 6.4v vaping machine and promptly KILLED it. Rather than resign myself to patiently awaiting the arrival of the proper battery, I DID IT AGAIN with another atty. So sorry little attys, but your death was for the cause of vaping heaven...

Hope this was the proper place to post my atty eulogy and apology, I hope I'm not in too much trouble

Listen, you're totally screwed. I got locked up for denting an eGo battery.

 

[Friend of Atlas]

**bursting with fear... the sweat is starting to trickle on brow**

Yes, I definitely want to retain your services!! Who is this judge and why is he/she so harsh. **wondering why the attys seem to be staring acusingly** I properly saved the dear little vape producers and hold them in a special place for possible refurbishment.

Just waiting to buy a soldering iron and learn how to use it and I promise to try to revive the first little attys I owned and happily used as a replacement for the evil tar I formerly needed. They saved me; I am willing to do the same. Do you think the court will have mercy and allow me to attempt resucitation before administrating punishment?? ** she softly rubbed a security blanket for comfort **

Please.. oh please... defend my stupidity and remember this is a first offense. How do I retain your services to ensure I have a good defense?

***attempts to dry eyes with dripping hanky*** Eeewww ***throws hanky in trash and extracts new, dry one from favorite coach tote bag....dabs at eyes....loudly blows nose***

My good man...or woman...he/she? Whatever your sexual identity may be, you should have sought counsel before confessing in the open court. I hate to say it but our "dear" judge has been throwing the proverbial book at offenders much less guilty than yourself of late.

However, My partner bonniegirl and I at the Law offices of bonniegirl and Eekaa Chu (No! now stop it!) esq. have dedicated ourselves to defending atty abusers and pursuing justice. Allow me to show your briefs to my partner...(no not those briefs! Please....put them back on!....now where was I?). Oh yes...and we will see what we can do about your horrid...simply horrid situation....

I must strongly caution you to refrain from flapping your yap.....er that is....caution you against any further courtroom admissions until such time when bonniegirl and I can review your mess....um...case.

***sigh***

bonnie! we got another one! Dust off the best in your shoe collection...this is gonna be a tough one!

***clicks out of courtroom with wet hanky which missed the trash can trailing from left shoe***

 

[Friend of Atlas]

Listen, you're totally screwed. I got locked up for denting an eGo battery.

WHAT... !@#&&! What can I do?? I need immediate counsel...

 

[DLite]

The honorable Judge DLite walks into the courtroom and takes a Seat*

I will hear this case in my court room after feed a hungry honky day

The admission will be allowed in this courtroom as it was by the accused own testimony that the confession was uncovered

This case will be decided by a jury or your peers* 12 atties 4 standard 4 HV and 4 LR will listen carefully to the testimony from the defendant and counselors alike.

Court is adjourned

 

[Friend of Atlas]

The honorable Judge DLite walks into the courtroom and takes a Seat*

I will hear this case in my court room after feed a hungry honky day

The admission will be allowed in this courtroom as it was by the accused own testimony that the confession was uncovered

This case will be decided by a jury or your peers* 12 atties 4 standard 4 HV and 4 LR will listen carefully to the testimony from the defendant and counselors alike.

Court is adjourned

** gulp, double gulp**, 'uh oh' **thinking out loud** 'I may be in real trouble now'

**looking around furtively** The judge has assigned a case what should I do? Do I try to defend my actions or try to argue that any said confession should be ruled inadmissable due to naivete...

 

[Eekaa Chu]

** gulp, double gulp**, 'uh oh' **thinking out loud** 'I may be in real trouble now'

**looking around furtively** The judge has assigned a case what should I do? Do I try to defend my actions or try to argue that any said confession should be ruled inadmissable due to naivete...

***re-enters courtroom...tugs hanky from shoe and tosses it into the trash..again***

Well this is a fine pickle you've gotten yourself into here. I can only say that you are lucky to have spilled your guts...that is...confessed before a major face stuffing holiday.
At least the defense counsel will have a little time to prepare.

My partner and I offer our services pro bono to unfortunate souls such as yourself....However we do accept donations to the defend a freak who flaps their yap before seeking counsel fund...present company excluded of course.... ***sigh***

Now, I suggest you put on your best sad face and practice your story....you were tempted by the PV and its taudry promise of pleasure at high voltage.....It drove you over the edge and you were not responsible for your actions during your desperate attempt to heed the siren's song....
You got that? Good....Now, I suggest you enjoy your Thanksgiving (it might be your last out from behind bars for a while) and appear here in court on Friday for the trial.

I'm iffy about the jury pool. The HV attys are a good sign, they'll be on our side (they feel that standard attys are less than worthy of vaping, and they will feel they "had it coming"). The LRs could go either way, they tend to be jealous of the HV attys, sincs the LRs only get to "simulate HV vaping", and not actually do it....so they tend to go against anything the HV attys say. The little standard attys will feel you victimized their brethren, so we have an uphill battle ahead of us....

***shakes head...rubs temples in an attempt to battle the mounting migraine***

Ok...go eat, drink and be merry (at least for today) for tomorrow you may join Big Pat....Who's big Pat? Don't ask.......You don't wanna know.......Enjoy your holiday....

***tucks briefcase under arm and clicks out of courtroom, still shaking head...muttering under breath about flapping yaps...feeding honkys....cats, bushes and other such things***

 

[bonniegirl]

Eeka!!!!! *screams at top of Lungs...which work quite well thanks to vaping...thank you very much*....Eeka....you will take first chair in this case. Yes, the big girl chair at the big peoples table.......no, you will not be at the kids table anymore.....stop jumping up and down....FFS!......This is your case and because the briefs are not prepared....*what with the skid marks and such*...you will need to be at the office on the honky eating holiday......Now stop the crying and sobbing....the looks of you like that.... well.....*skinny beach*......you don't need another swing on the swing or a push in the bush or a wing in your ding. We have avery difficult case here...*Bud?...WTF...at least Coronas*....WTH....we have a tough one and the jury pool is tainted. Those attys from the other side of the tracks....*the questionable LRs from EM*...why they can go either way....they are all over the place....high, low....popping and pooing and well....even the best jury consultants with the best meters can not get a standard "read" on them. Your work is cut out for you. We shall see if you are ready for full partnership after this.

*clip clops out of this office adjusting wig tape and cursing shoe repairman that botched repair of Manolos and forced her to wear the Payless knock off Sirianos.....sob....boo....hoo...sob....boo and hoo....sniffle.......SOB shoe repair....repair?....wow that is a joke!....my poor shoes....all 600.00 worth...and these stoopid people worrying over a 6.00 atty FFS...ugh woe and misery on me...woe and misery....*

 

[DLite]

I am ready to hear testomony from the defense about the matter of atty death

 

[Eekaa Chu]

Your honor....I have a simply beautiful defense planned for today...I worked clear through the holiday, and have all of my briefs...and thongs...in perfect order.

***looks around the court room...eyes fall upon empty seat at defense table***

Well...it seems the defendant is....AWOL...flown the coup....ran for the border....pulled a houdini and went poof!

In short, it seems my client has failed to appear in court here today....couldn't really blame him....didn't stand a chance in hel....

***opens briefcase...shuffles through papers.....looks around again.....closes briefcase***

Your honor I see that you have on your very best robe today....what a shame to waste such a fabulous outfit....perhaps we could move to another case on the docket while I attempt to hunt down...er that is contact my client.

***retreats quickly from the court room...dialing cell phone***

Hello....Big Ed's Bounty Hunters?...Yes this is Eekaa Chu...No I didn't sneeze, but thank you very much....yes.......oh yes my partner is aquainted with your..son...daughter....um...offspring, Big Pat.....lovely...simply lovely...person....um...anyways.....the reason I'm calling......

***voice trails off as she beats a retreat to her Kia Soul in the parking lot***

 

[Friend of Atlas]

** quietly lurking around the court room doors, SHE overhears her attorney calling some bounty hunter - what's that? they're out looking for her, BUT THEY THINK she is a MAN! Woot - she may be able to escape prosecution!! If they continue to look for a guy she'll be scot free, but she thinks she better continue hanging around just in case... nonchalantly, she backs off down the corridor to wait on one of the benches to see what develops... **

 

[Eekaa Chu]

***Silently sneaks up behind client after stealthily removing borrowed minolos***

There you are! Where on Earth have you been?!.....I am perfectly aware that you are a she...it's quite clear...not at all like Big Pat

***shudders and rubs scar on ankle***

I simply misspoke...I am under a great deal of stress these days, what with the violent removal of my bushes....an assasination attempt.....live media coverage of myself and ms montgomery doing......well never you mind what we were doing! Now I have this case handed to me, all alone.....Flying solo on this....a hanging case...open and shut...no chance....

Oh...no, no....it's really not that bad....don't worry...everything will be just fine, I'm sure....just remember your story and don't flap your ya about anything else....

***sighs and rubs temples.....puts borrowed manolos back on***

Alright sister, lets go face the music.....I hope nobody gave those attys TV juice for breakfast, or this could get ugly

 

[Friend of Atlas]

AHhh!

** ! &*^%$^%$ she jumps up and whips around **

Who's that?! - Oh, it's you! I've... I've been looking for you everywhere!! I didn't know wha. what courtrrom we were in. Thank goodness you've found me!

** cursing sliently under her breath **

Well, I suppose we'd better prepare. No, NO I won't say any thing else to anyone about any atty deaths. I think I musta misspoke anyway... Maybe they were just darn worn out. I've let them be since, er, since the... ummm...

** whispering quietly now **

the 'incident' in question.

** looking down at her 'payless' flats, she shuffles her feet **

What's the next move?... What! What do ya mean 'Open and Shut', but, but....

** she meekly trails after her attorney into the courtroom **

 

[bonniegirl]

Ms. Eekachu...*no bless you FFS...it is her name).......*...a word before court please?
Now this judge is out for blood after the trap incident." I say this not to scare you, but to give you the ...uhmm....courage ....yes, courage to fight the good fight. I mean this poor poor woman has the weight of the world on her shoulders! *Atlas FFS?*Now, maintain decorum and civility and remember the Judge loves to be stroked...UHMm....his EGo .....oh.....nevermind. Just be very nice and polite and well unbutton your top 3 buttons......uh....well....maybe 2 will be enough...*are they real?*.....you look quite professional, is that a Piccone suit? Sag Harbor???? *WTF is that harbor boots? Boots...stolen?...and the bushes...did ...what?.....fughetaboutit....no tella me no more......These kids....whatta they thinkin..... call in case we need a bit of muscle anDo your best.....I got Big Butch on call in case we need a bit of "persuasion" of the jurors. They look like a weak lot those EM ones especially......I hope they feel superior...do wink at them and give them the usual blow into the paper towel routine, that always makes them happy. Offer them a nice cola bath too...some say they love that. Do all this through Mr. Butch as we need no ...uhm....well....bad press for jury tampering.
I will be on my cell as I have an important family obligation today. Good luck and use lip gloss.

*clatters out of courtroom smiling at the jury and adjusting wig tape after the horrific scratching fit on the new growth of hairs under the wig....adjusts the push up bra and straightens the Evan Piccone skirt and tucks the Brookes Brothers blouse just so.*

Outside in parking garage. The Judge exits his Ferrari in cherry red.
Yoo Hoo....why but don't you look dapper Judge Dlite....you are such a dapper man.....oh and I do love that new tie, matches your eyes so lovely.And the car...why it is soooo you. Is it new?.... Really.....?...A gift? From Bauway.....ohhhh???? My but that was soooo generous of them. *and horrid...those Big Atty SOBs*......*Next will be the yacht from Joye* Corruption is horrid....simply horrid.......Good Luck Ms. Eeka but I believe that Atlas woman is to be fried........oh my....woe is me....woe and sorrow is me.......

 

[Darkwitless]

*whispers heard in the gallery*
I've heard they are real! And they are fabulous!
*snort*hehe, she said stroke hehe*snort*
Does the judge really think we don't know that's a comb over? come on!
I think this Atlas chick needs to do some heavy reading
I wish they sold popcorn. I totally need some popcorn

 

[DLite]

Well with all that I've herd I do think its time that is court room and jury see first hand what damage was done at the hands of the accused.

I hope this helps to understand just how serious the problem at hand is

 

[Eekaa Chu]

***Pats hair to make sure it is perfectly styled....adjusts blouse so it is "just right" to properly display her natural talents...er..talent...straightens hem...smooths stockings...then confidently enters the court room***

Your honor, you are looking wonderful... young, and fresh as an early spring chicken..So good to see you today...

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I must say you are a fine looking and well dressed lot...I am sure you all came here today to do your civic duty to the best of your ability, with no predjudices or outside influence... ***winks at Mr. Butch waiting in the wings***

I will not attempt to deny that we face a grave situation here today. As you have already seen from our honorable judge's display, there will be evidence today that is hard to look at...stories that will curl your wicks and dry out your filler.....horror beyond any you may have imagined...However, you must consider everything carefully before delivering a verdict in this case today....Consider the plight of this poor tragic young woman.....abandoned as a child...she grew up homeless on the cold streets of east L.A. ....

***client tugs on sleeve....leans down to listen to whispers...what?....your parents were very rich?.....gave you everything...uh huh.....Beverly Hills......Don't tell me anymore....just make soulful eyes at the jury...and Stop Flapping Your Yap FFS!!!***

As I was saying...she was forced into a life of crime very early in life...she was stealing analogs by the time she was 9....her pitiful beginnings have left this poor pathetic shell we see before us today....weak and powerless against the temptation of the "mod" who shall be called to testify later....I ask you ladies and gentleattys of the jury...do the right thing and find this poor...sad....pitiful woman innocent on the grounds of coercion and give her a second chance at the terrible life she has been given...

 

[researcheverything]

I have been hanging out in here for the last 2 hours or so / 6 weeks this has been going on..... my kids are looking at me like I have lost it. My wife says I need to be removed from the courtroom...... all my attys and batts are in hiding. It must be bedtime 'cause my wife says so... Thanks for an enjoyable time.

 

[bonniegirl]

Ahem.....*toussels wig and checks wig tape security, straightens skirt seam and kick pleat, sniffs underarms discreetly and strolls confidently into the Judges chambers*

Why good day your honor, lovely robe today...is that silk woven? Tis quite dapper...it is. Ahem.....with regard to this avidence you have presented in jpeg format....uhhmm....it is quite unusual that a Judge should present evidence in a case. Not that I would dare to question your judgement...*despite the heavy smell of ...ahem....Southern Comfort....on his breath*.....well, this is so detrimental and would surely prejudice the jurors. Some are from some seedy parts of town your honor....I mean the LRs are from EM! They would be upset at anything having their PTCFD.....*post traumatic Chineses factory disorder*...thse lil attys are pumped out like cattle to the slaughter. No care or concern for their wiring, coils or depth of nichrome.....and well...seeing these horrid...simply horrid pictures of their relatives sent to slaughter is surely ....uhmm...well....it is.....uhmmm....well...it will cause.....ATLAS WILL BE SCREWED!....Do you want the whole world on your shoulders your honor???? Our client deserves a fair and speedy trial. This thread...uhmmm...this court...has dillyed and dallyed.....delayed and dismissed and well nothing....nothing gets resolved. It is a circus.....a cat and mouse game...*OMG...hope that Montgomery woman did not overhear that and especially my partner*
My but that English leather smells divine, your honor. And that car! A dream ...it is....and you do look all of 29 years old driving it. Is it hard finding dress slacks to fit you well? Such large hands and feet you have and my but have you changed barbers???? The cut is lovely...*and the comb over, obvious*....oh but perhaps you could give gentlemans classes to teach other men the proper gentleman like etiquette.
*stands to exit and looks into the stern eyes of Judge DLite*
Your Honor, twas a pleasure chatting with you again and thank you for your time. I am so appreciative...*and nauseated*...at your generosity with your time. Toodle loo now....have a good day!
*exits chambers and breaks out in hot flash and curses mother nature and all testosterone*

Eekachu!!!!!
*No dang nab it, I did not sneeze, it is her name ffs*
Eeka chu....I demand a full brief on this case....no not the thongs....a brief.....sheesh....*we are screwed*

 

[beebopnjazz]

Your Honor! Not only is Ms. Bonniegirl wanted by the DRPA for non-payment of bridge tolls, and the kidnapping of various "parties" from the PA State Store *not to mention the mysterious disappearance of Ms. Johnnie Walker*, she is now also having ex parte communications with this court! As you know, your Highness...errr...you Honor, such communications are not permitted at all! As I was not present during this communication *flagrant disregard for the rules of court* I motion this court to remove Ms. Bonniegirl as co-counsel to the defendant.

On another note, your Honor, while it is greatly appreciated that you ordered the bushes whacked, and the trees trimmed (with swing removal) *hears a faint "weeeeeeeee" coming from the floor below* it appears that in contradiction to your Order for the proper etiquette in this Court, that Ms. Eekaa Chu has installed a long swinging rope in the judicial gym which is directly below this courtroom. *faint meows and purring is heard*.

I noticed your Honor, that you did not utter a word to Ms. Bonniegirl. You are to be commended for your composure in this regard. Having to recuse yourself from this matter would cause a great delay in bringing justice in this case.