Self destructing in a bad way
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UntamedRose, Kate, 316, Keyzygirl Ivapus, kj4lxw...and myself need to be the first in the non-supportive spouse forum!!!!!!!!!!
I just went through this thread to collect member names. Sorta funny...as I find myself chuckling while typing....BUT NOT FUNNY AT ALL!!!!! (If I missed anyone make sure you bold post who you are "so we got ya")
MY CHRONIC ASTHMA HAS BEEN GONE SINCE A MONTH AFTER I STARTED vaping SO TELL THOSE COMPLAINERS TO DEAL WITH IT!!!!
I'm 37 and so is my hubby. Both of us started smoking 18.5 years ago (not that we knew eachother back then....but we started at the same time). I quit after 18 years YEA!!!! I am also an elementary school counselor and formerly a clinical therapist. My hubby is in the same field!!! I state this for various reasons, but for one: this is all just WAY MORE "FOULED" UP THAN IT SHOULD BE!!! From a therapeutic standpoint its JUST simply TRAGIC: distructive, selfish and abusive behavior on the part of our spouses. NEAUSIATING!! Some of their actions may be abusive...like for those of you who are with spouses who didn't smoke and you quit smoking and started vaping...your spouses are being abusive and manipulative and the lack of support THERE just makes me want to snatch them up and shake them into reality!! To the people who fall into this category: it makes me the most mad and sad when I read your stories because you are fighting a uphill battle. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Quitting is hard enough!!! I'm in a less "evil" situation because my hubby still smokes so there is a defensive thing going on with our mess.
All of our spouses are going against us for different reasons...and interestingly enough.... it did flare up again for me when I got my mods too...INTERESTING. It flared up early on also.
ANYWAY...my hubby doesn't like it because he is feeling the pressure to quit analogs so he knocks me down even though he still smokes in the house (my former brand) right in front of me and leaves packs around and ashtrays full....me not saying a word about his smoking except when the ashtray is overflowing severely (like dead butts falling out cause so full)...but who can't understand this???
When I say anything about vaping, like, "I made my first DIY juice and it ROCKS and can save us lots of money and will be healthier because I can use straight VG and it still tastes great" for example....he tells me stuff like: he has asked me not to talk about it in the past and thinks I'm obsessed with vaping and with the forum. In fact, 2 months after I started vaping, he had MY MOTHER OF ALL PEOPLE (other best friend in the world besides than my husband and who usually dont agree with each other) telling me to spend less time on the forum. HAAAAAAA!!!! I thought I was halucinating at first. Mom is a former-smoker (quit at age 29 started at age 13...is now a very spry 70) and dad was a non-smoking lung doctor before his early death @ age 55...15 years ago. So I convinced her that a few hours on the forum on the weekends was therapeutic and necessary for my smoking recovery. A few days later she said that "I looked like I was sucking on a pacifier and that it couldn't be good for me. And what was I accomplishing with 'that thing' anyway" WTH?????? This is a liberal and HIGHLY EDUCATED former lung doctor's wife and has been on me to quit smoking for my whole life OBVIOUSLY!!! TWILIGHT ZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think my mom is back on my team again. She lives across the country so things flared up with all of this when I saw her last. I will be seeing her in a week for the first time since so we will see how she reacts.
SO....I wouldn't take a mod out of the house anyway probably just due to lack of portability and having many amazing V4L 808 batts and a PCC.... And speaking of V4L...their business cards have "a disclosure statement sorta" on the back stating something like: "the patron handing the card over is using a personal vaporizer or electronic cigarette and goes through how it doesn't break any laws and to please allow the person to continue vaping in their establishment." SO>>>THIS HAS COME IN VERY HANDY!!!!
When school is in session, my students "keep me on point" with the vaping!! They are the most supportive of everyone I know. How sweet and funny is that?? You should see the support the kids give me!!! The excitement they show is just amazing when I tell them what time milestone I'm on....and of course I'm telling them because they ask me constantly!!! What a group of little kids can do....huh??? They always impress me!!!
They are also from the hood so i want all of you to know how compassionate my kiddos are no matter "where they came from."
ANYWAY: SO....how do we start this support thread or forum??? I'm good with computers but this is the only forum I use so I'm not wise in this area!! BUT I'm THERE!!!
I just went through this thread to collect member names. Sorta funny...as I find myself chuckling while typing....BUT NOT FUNNY AT ALL!!!!! (If I missed anyone make sure you bold post who you are "so we got ya")
MY CHRONIC ASTHMA HAS BEEN GONE SINCE A MONTH AFTER I STARTED vaping SO TELL THOSE COMPLAINERS TO DEAL WITH IT!!!!
I'm 37 and so is my hubby. Both of us started smoking 18.5 years ago (not that we knew eachother back then....but we started at the same time). I quit after 18 years YEA!!!! I am also an elementary school counselor and formerly a clinical therapist. My hubby is in the same field!!! I state this for various reasons, but for one: this is all just WAY MORE "FOULED" UP THAN IT SHOULD BE!!! From a therapeutic standpoint its JUST simply TRAGIC: distructive, selfish and abusive behavior on the part of our spouses. NEAUSIATING!! Some of their actions may be abusive...like for those of you who are with spouses who didn't smoke and you quit smoking and started vaping...your spouses are being abusive and manipulative and the lack of support THERE just makes me want to snatch them up and shake them into reality!! To the people who fall into this category: it makes me the most mad and sad when I read your stories because you are fighting a uphill battle. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Quitting is hard enough!!! I'm in a less "evil" situation because my hubby still smokes so there is a defensive thing going on with our mess.
All of our spouses are going against us for different reasons...and interestingly enough.... it did flare up again for me when I got my mods too...INTERESTING. It flared up early on also.
ANYWAY...my hubby doesn't like it because he is feeling the pressure to quit analogs so he knocks me down even though he still smokes in the house (my former brand) right in front of me and leaves packs around and ashtrays full....me not saying a word about his smoking except when the ashtray is overflowing severely (like dead butts falling out cause so full)...but who can't understand this???
When I say anything about vaping, like, "I made my first DIY juice and it ROCKS and can save us lots of money and will be healthier because I can use straight VG and it still tastes great" for example....he tells me stuff like: he has asked me not to talk about it in the past and thinks I'm obsessed with vaping and with the forum. In fact, 2 months after I started vaping, he had MY MOTHER OF ALL PEOPLE (other best friend in the world besides than my husband and who usually dont agree with each other) telling me to spend less time on the forum. HAAAAAAA!!!! I thought I was halucinating at first. Mom is a former-smoker (quit at age 29 started at age 13...is now a very spry 70) and dad was a non-smoking lung doctor before his early death @ age 55...15 years ago. So I convinced her that a few hours on the forum on the weekends was therapeutic and necessary for my smoking recovery. A few days later she said that "I looked like I was sucking on a pacifier and that it couldn't be good for me. And what was I accomplishing with 'that thing' anyway" WTH?????? This is a liberal and HIGHLY EDUCATED former lung doctor's wife and has been on me to quit smoking for my whole life OBVIOUSLY!!! TWILIGHT ZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think my mom is back on my team again. She lives across the country so things flared up with all of this when I saw her last. I will be seeing her in a week for the first time since so we will see how she reacts.
SO....I wouldn't take a mod out of the house anyway probably just due to lack of portability and having many amazing V4L 808 batts and a PCC.... And speaking of V4L...their business cards have "a disclosure statement sorta" on the back stating something like: "the patron handing the card over is using a personal vaporizer or electronic cigarette and goes through how it doesn't break any laws and to please allow the person to continue vaping in their establishment." SO>>>THIS HAS COME IN VERY HANDY!!!!
When school is in session, my students "keep me on point" with the vaping!! They are the most supportive of everyone I know. How sweet and funny is that?? You should see the support the kids give me!!! The excitement they show is just amazing when I tell them what time milestone I'm on....and of course I'm telling them because they ask me constantly!!! What a group of little kids can do....huh??? They always impress me!!!
They are also from the hood so i want all of you to know how compassionate my kiddos are no matter "where they came from."
ANYWAY: SO....how do we start this support thread or forum??? I'm good with computers but this is the only forum I use so I'm not wise in this area!! BUT I'm THERE!!!
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I didn't get a whole lot of support from my wife when I started vaping either. I think she saw it as an expensive fad. "You're gonna spend all of that money, use it for a week and then go back to cigarettes." "You're spending too much on supplies." She made several snide comments over the first few weeks. Money is tight, but I explained to her that this was important and that I wanted to make a positive change. I told her that quiting smoking and staring vaping was my first step in trying to make a more positive change in my life.
I too have a very self-destructive personality. I have battled depression most of my life and am always sabotaging anything positive I want to do for myself out of fear of change. NO MORE! (I just got off the phone with an academic advisor. I'm setting up an appointment that will hopefully land me back in college in the fall.)
My wife and I have smoked for years and I didn't understand her resistance to this. Then it finally came out. "I see you care more about yourself than me. Why haven't you bought me a starter kit?" I explained to her that she showed no interest. *Sigh* So now I have told her that it might take a little while to save up, but that I would be happy to buy her her own kit.
Sorry for hijacking the OP thread, but I just wanted to shre my experience.
I too have a very self-destructive personality. I have battled depression most of my life and am always sabotaging anything positive I want to do for myself out of fear of change. NO MORE! (I just got off the phone with an academic advisor. I'm setting up an appointment that will hopefully land me back in college in the fall.)
My wife and I have smoked for years and I didn't understand her resistance to this. Then it finally came out. "I see you care more about yourself than me. Why haven't you bought me a starter kit?" I explained to her that she showed no interest. *Sigh* So now I have told her that it might take a little while to save up, but that I would be happy to buy her her own kit.
Sorry for hijacking the OP thread, but I just wanted to shre my experience.
Mis-communication is dangerous!!!
Stoked! and firefox, ENJOYED your posts. It isn't funny. But YES IT IS!!
I started making my own juice as well (THANKS, DIY, especially nuck and Vaporer and Skubabatdan and all others who hang out there!!)
It was awful, he thought I was stupidly going to kill myself, and then when I posted my Formula on ECF he went ballistic!! Now I'll get sued when someone else dies! So I made some paper HAZMAT signs, to put up in the kitchen and all entrances and exits therein, people got a kick out of that!
Keep your sense of humor, by golly that's about the only thing that gets me through the day sometimes.
Bless us all!!
Stoked! and firefox, ENJOYED your posts. It isn't funny. But YES IT IS!!
I started making my own juice as well (THANKS, DIY, especially nuck and Vaporer and Skubabatdan and all others who hang out there!!)
It was awful, he thought I was stupidly going to kill myself, and then when I posted my Formula on ECF he went ballistic!! Now I'll get sued when someone else dies! So I made some paper HAZMAT signs, to put up in the kitchen and all entrances and exits therein, people got a kick out of that!
Keep your sense of humor, by golly that's about the only thing that gets me through the day sometimes.
Bless us all!!
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Honestly, I feel for you all. I'm single, always will be. So it's easy for me to say, I just wouldn't put up with the crap you all do from a spouse. We've all got problems but I'll be damned if someone if going to give me a hard time when I'm trying to fix one of mine.
My advice, if you can't make the other person understand or least leave you alone about it then why be married/attached to that person. Quitting smoking is a monumental task with a low chance of success. If anything the other person should be freakin happy about it. And yeah, vaping is expensive. Getting started is where the most cost is involved because it requires a large investment at inflated prices because frankly one just isn't that knowledgeable of what's out there or how to do it cheaper. All that cost is in one statement....$80 this week, $50 next week, $30 a couple of weeks after that and $40 a couple of weeks thereafter. With smoking it's $4.00 today, tomorrow and everyday there after if you're lucky to only smoke a pack a day. It's all psychology. It's a lower per purchase supply cost. But that's it. Then you've got illness: cold, flu, pneumonia in the short term resulting in lost work. Asthma, bronchitis, emphysema, cancer, death in the long term.
If you're spouse can't understand all that, get someone smarter.
My advice, if you can't make the other person understand or least leave you alone about it then why be married/attached to that person. Quitting smoking is a monumental task with a low chance of success. If anything the other person should be freakin happy about it. And yeah, vaping is expensive. Getting started is where the most cost is involved because it requires a large investment at inflated prices because frankly one just isn't that knowledgeable of what's out there or how to do it cheaper. All that cost is in one statement....$80 this week, $50 next week, $30 a couple of weeks after that and $40 a couple of weeks thereafter. With smoking it's $4.00 today, tomorrow and everyday there after if you're lucky to only smoke a pack a day. It's all psychology. It's a lower per purchase supply cost. But that's it. Then you've got illness: cold, flu, pneumonia in the short term resulting in lost work. Asthma, bronchitis, emphysema, cancer, death in the long term.
If you're spouse can't understand all that, get someone smarter.
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316, I am so glad you are trying to work out your issue. I felt horrible for you when I read the first post. Sounded like what I use to go through.
I can't believe how much I have read about myself and my hubby here in this thread. Funny thing is we are currently dealing with baggage of our previous marriages, not really with each other. It does feel like it is with each other, when the past creeps back up though.
I was married to a control freak, guilt laying on, jerk of a man. And he (hubby) was married to a woman who changed everything about him over 20 years , finally got what she wanted to change him to and left him with the kids and farm but took all she could monetarily.
So I can not say I have this issue with him, but I understand the guilt crap because I dealt with it for years before and so has he. He is completely supportive of my vaping, since I haven't smoked in almost 3 months now, thank goodness.
My problem was that when I met him he was anti - smoke, drink, and have any kind of fun in social settings. So when I met him I had guilt any time I smoked (near him) or drank, I am not even a big drinker. I would feel guilt for drinking because he had told me stories of how she made him out to be a big smoking, alcoholic and ended up getting him to stop drinking and smoking. He really enjoyed smoking from what he told me. She used the daughters breathing issue against him for the smoking. When in fact the daughters breathing issue was not as bad as she claimed, he later found out.
I realized he was kind of a jerk in social settings because he was not allowed to do what he wanted, or so that is how he felt. Even after she left him. That has since changed and I do not see a big Alcoholic like she claimed he was.
Now that we are dealing with our past baggage, He is having his second child hood right now. Within reason anyway. He quit smoking about 15 years ago and now he is stealing my eGo and saber touch, at least it isn't cigs. I did have issues with it because I don't want him addicted to nic again. But I got some good advice from the forum and my counselor. And if that is what he chooses, so be it. At least he is using 0mg nic. He is allowed to be himself now, and still has a problem or maybe, just confusion with me not controlling him. He just doesn't understand how, I don't try to change him or tell him who to be. And I have problems dealing with my own guilt issues from the past. And I am trying every day not to feel guilt when I don't need to.
I have been in counseling because of the guilt issues I have dealt with. I have learned that no one can make me feel anything but myself. Some days I forget that but I try to remember now when I feel like I am being guilt-ed into anything. I do what I want and he does what he wants (within reason) and as long as it doesn't hurt the family unit we are ok.
I can't believe how much I have read about myself and my hubby here in this thread. Funny thing is we are currently dealing with baggage of our previous marriages, not really with each other. It does feel like it is with each other, when the past creeps back up though.
I was married to a control freak, guilt laying on, jerk of a man. And he (hubby) was married to a woman who changed everything about him over 20 years , finally got what she wanted to change him to and left him with the kids and farm but took all she could monetarily.
So I can not say I have this issue with him, but I understand the guilt crap because I dealt with it for years before and so has he. He is completely supportive of my vaping, since I haven't smoked in almost 3 months now, thank goodness.
My problem was that when I met him he was anti - smoke, drink, and have any kind of fun in social settings. So when I met him I had guilt any time I smoked (near him) or drank, I am not even a big drinker. I would feel guilt for drinking because he had told me stories of how she made him out to be a big smoking, alcoholic and ended up getting him to stop drinking and smoking. He really enjoyed smoking from what he told me. She used the daughters breathing issue against him for the smoking. When in fact the daughters breathing issue was not as bad as she claimed, he later found out.
I realized he was kind of a jerk in social settings because he was not allowed to do what he wanted, or so that is how he felt. Even after she left him. That has since changed and I do not see a big Alcoholic like she claimed he was.
Now that we are dealing with our past baggage, He is having his second child hood right now. Within reason anyway. He quit smoking about 15 years ago and now he is stealing my eGo and saber touch, at least it isn't cigs. I did have issues with it because I don't want him addicted to nic again. But I got some good advice from the forum and my counselor. And if that is what he chooses, so be it. At least he is using 0mg nic. He is allowed to be himself now, and still has a problem or maybe, just confusion with me not controlling him. He just doesn't understand how, I don't try to change him or tell him who to be. And I have problems dealing with my own guilt issues from the past. And I am trying every day not to feel guilt when I don't need to.
I have been in counseling because of the guilt issues I have dealt with. I have learned that no one can make me feel anything but myself. Some days I forget that but I try to remember now when I feel like I am being guilt-ed into anything. I do what I want and he does what he wants (within reason) and as long as it doesn't hurt the family unit we are ok.
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You people are amazing!!!! And let's get something straight from the get go - no more apologies!!!!!! Nobody is hijacking anything - ok?
Stoked - agree. And, kids are amazing.
V - you crack me up!
As in any relationship - we all have our moments.
So, let me back up and give a little bit of background. I grew up in a multi-ethnic, mutli-cultural enviornment. My mother was Japanese - Samurai Emperor Hirohito's clan.
My father is Puerto Rican. My grandfather Albanian.
These ethnic groups have a very different way of raising children and viewing family life. My parents weren't typical of their culture - both being rebellious and marrying outside their group.
It has been hard for me to assimilate into the American culture as I was mostly raised Japanese.
This is an example of what my Mom would say to me:
"You need to go to college because no man will marry you. You are too head-strong and independent. A man wants to marry a woman, not someone like you."
Now, this would be construed as abusive by American terms, but not by Japanese.
On my Father's side - all the kids are either lawyers, assistant DA's, doctors, star athletes, CIA, FBI, NSA, weathly business people, hob nob with the rich, you get the picture. So, when I got my degrees, not good enough. Should have gotten my Ph.D. Should have graduated with a 4.0, not 3.65 GPA. Should have, should have.....
The earliest abuse that therapists and doctors have agreed on was at 6 mos of age. This permanently altered the chemistry of my brain. First suicide at age 4. And the parade goes on.
So, I was a perfect daughter at home - and a wild, crazy cross between Courtney Love and Brittany Spears outside the home. YaHOOOOOO!
Many, many, years later, I meet my husband (#2). For the 2nd time in my life, (my best friend from childhood #1), someone stood up for me, believed in me, loved me for who I am. Held me through flashbacks, fought for me to live.
We have both come a long way in this life, (he has his baggage too) and sometimes those old patterns surface as they did when I first posted.
We both should know better - being mental health workers - but when it hits home, we sometimes fall apart and hurt those we love without meaning to.
I want all of you to know that, by reaching out and helping each other, nothing but positive can happen.
Because of all of you, my hubby decided to make a change as well, and got himself an herb PV. Much healhier than being addicted to pain pills. (He's blown out both his knees from football - 2 surgeries on 1 knee, 1 surgery on the other. He's looking at complete knee replacements for both knees later on down the line.)
We went to a county fair the other day, and I vaped everywhere. Even in front of the Sheriffs and Deputies. Not a word was said. We walked side by side, and for the first time, I could see how proud he was that I was vaping and not smoking.
I believe and have faith in all of you. Together, we can stand up to our naysayers and if need be, tell 'em to fork off because we believe in ourselves and WE ARE VAPERS!!!
Stoked - agree. And, kids are amazing.
V - you crack me up!
As in any relationship - we all have our moments.
So, let me back up and give a little bit of background. I grew up in a multi-ethnic, mutli-cultural enviornment. My mother was Japanese - Samurai Emperor Hirohito's clan.
My father is Puerto Rican. My grandfather Albanian.
These ethnic groups have a very different way of raising children and viewing family life. My parents weren't typical of their culture - both being rebellious and marrying outside their group.
It has been hard for me to assimilate into the American culture as I was mostly raised Japanese.
This is an example of what my Mom would say to me:
"You need to go to college because no man will marry you. You are too head-strong and independent. A man wants to marry a woman, not someone like you."
Now, this would be construed as abusive by American terms, but not by Japanese.
On my Father's side - all the kids are either lawyers, assistant DA's, doctors, star athletes, CIA, FBI, NSA, weathly business people, hob nob with the rich, you get the picture. So, when I got my degrees, not good enough. Should have gotten my Ph.D. Should have graduated with a 4.0, not 3.65 GPA. Should have, should have.....
The earliest abuse that therapists and doctors have agreed on was at 6 mos of age. This permanently altered the chemistry of my brain. First suicide at age 4. And the parade goes on.
So, I was a perfect daughter at home - and a wild, crazy cross between Courtney Love and Brittany Spears outside the home. YaHOOOOOO!
Many, many, years later, I meet my husband (#2). For the 2nd time in my life, (my best friend from childhood #1), someone stood up for me, believed in me, loved me for who I am. Held me through flashbacks, fought for me to live.
We have both come a long way in this life, (he has his baggage too) and sometimes those old patterns surface as they did when I first posted.
We both should know better - being mental health workers - but when it hits home, we sometimes fall apart and hurt those we love without meaning to.
I want all of you to know that, by reaching out and helping each other, nothing but positive can happen.
Because of all of you, my hubby decided to make a change as well, and got himself an herb PV. Much healhier than being addicted to pain pills. (He's blown out both his knees from football - 2 surgeries on 1 knee, 1 surgery on the other. He's looking at complete knee replacements for both knees later on down the line.)
We went to a county fair the other day, and I vaped everywhere. Even in front of the Sheriffs and Deputies. Not a word was said. We walked side by side, and for the first time, I could see how proud he was that I was vaping and not smoking.
I believe and have faith in all of you. Together, we can stand up to our naysayers and if need be, tell 'em to fork off because we believe in ourselves and WE ARE VAPERS!!!
Wow, that was quite a post. At once heavy and uplifting, and although I'm a guy I identified with a lot of it. I think it's amazing that you and your hubby are able to communicate so effectively even in times of stress to have made such great strides in such a short time on this topic. The other day when I read your post I was actually feeling sorry for you. I should have saved the pity for myself, because now I'm very envious of you. You did the healthy thing by voicing your frustration and then dealing with the problem constructively, whereas outside of my little vent here, which did help just a little, I tend to keep things like this bottled up indefinitely.
Hi IV -
I think men have it a little tougher than women. Like you said, a lot of men tend to keep things bottled up. I do the same. I keep it bottled up and then the poop hits the fan. Not your typical female. If I were my hubby, I would have said, "Screw you, I'm outta here" a long time ago.
This whole thing was a first for me. First time reaching out to strangers, first time telling my story, first time actually sitting down and talking about how I felt.
After 25 some odd years, it's still a learning process. I have 2 warning signals that everyone watches out for. If I'm unusually quiet, Poop will hit the fan soon.
If I hum or sing X-mas songs in July, my meds aren't working and I'm about to go psycho.
If I do both, bend over and kiss your behind goodbye.
Perhaps you might feel even a little bit better if you vent some more. Keeping feelings bottled up inside is kind of like constipation - know what I mean Vern?
Go ahead and vent. I'll listen. We'll listen. It will help. We will help. We're all in this together, don't forget that.
Looking forward to your venting.
Wow, this is an incredible thread. I haven't read it all, but what I have read I can really relate to. I'm currently in a very rocky relationship, and I haven't really felt supported in much that I've done, but this has really taken the cake. When I first told him that I asked for (and got) a pv for my birthday, he laughed at me and said that it was weird, and completely "ridiculous" and then said he thought it was "hilarious". Then he started trying to say "how could that be healthier" and "how do you know that it's not going to kill you, they're new, there's no research on them and what's in the liquid" (he had absolutely nothing to back that statement with, he just made it blindly assuming he was right, or at least assuming I wouldn't have a rebuttal for that and therefore he wins). Then when I start having problems with it he shot me down more. I didn't get a very good one to start and it did have problems, but that doesn't mean they're all like that. Now I have a Joye 510 and now I have to hear about how I'm "obsessed" with it. I layed into him yesterday about that one. What? I can't have a hobby? I found something I like and I'm interested in learning about and that's a bad thing. He said "it'd be like if I bought a new laptop everyday, that would be ridiculous." What's ridiculous is that statement. Anyway, needless to say, he's not supportive at all, and it's very frustrating. I've noticed him doing it with other things too. Like anytime I get anything material that makes me happy he can't stand it. I got a new phone and he harped on me until I returned it. Says I don't need a neat phone, all I need is a basic flip phone. He really likes to tell me how to spend my money. Unless I'm buying something for him. He sure didn't mind when I bought him a laptop. He's lucky it's too late to take it back. That'd be a lot of e-cig stuff. It's all very frustrating. I'm doing something good for myself, quitting something that will kill me, and he discourages it.
Like I said, the relationship is very rocky. Like to the point I want out and don't know how to do it, but it makes me realize what I don't want and what I can't deal with. I definitely need someone who will support me, especially when it comes to doing something to improve my health. I think his discouragement comes from possibly jealousy. Jealous that I can buy myself things when I want to and he can't because he doesn't have a job. It's like he wants to be the one who has the cool fun gadgets that make him happy, and be the only one. I think that's so weird. I've done everything I could from the very begining to be supportive of him and help him and make him happy. It's almost like he thinks that's my job. To make him happy. Screw what makes me happy. And if I want to do something for myself (like cut my hair for example) that makes me happy but he disagrees with(he says he doesn't like it short, even though that's how it was when we met), that's exactly what he says. "Screw what I'm goin' through". You would think he would want me to be happy and feel good about myself, that's what I want for him, but I guess not. I guess it's only important that he's happy.
Anyway, enough of my pity party rant, I know what I need to do. Just wanted to share that I know what it's like to not be supported by the one you love.
Like I said, the relationship is very rocky. Like to the point I want out and don't know how to do it, but it makes me realize what I don't want and what I can't deal with. I definitely need someone who will support me, especially when it comes to doing something to improve my health. I think his discouragement comes from possibly jealousy. Jealous that I can buy myself things when I want to and he can't because he doesn't have a job. It's like he wants to be the one who has the cool fun gadgets that make him happy, and be the only one. I think that's so weird. I've done everything I could from the very begining to be supportive of him and help him and make him happy. It's almost like he thinks that's my job. To make him happy. Screw what makes me happy. And if I want to do something for myself (like cut my hair for example) that makes me happy but he disagrees with(he says he doesn't like it short, even though that's how it was when we met), that's exactly what he says. "Screw what I'm goin' through". You would think he would want me to be happy and feel good about myself, that's what I want for him, but I guess not. I guess it's only important that he's happy.
Anyway, enough of my pity party rant, I know what I need to do. Just wanted to share that I know what it's like to not be supported by the one you love.
Magz... Stay strong! If he doesn't shape up, get rid of him. You HAVE to do this for yourself. If he isn't going to support you, then screw it.
We all need hobbies. We all need to be able to breathe. Vaping is a two birds one stone type of thing. Im truly sorry that you have to deal with that... This thread is a real eye opener. I hadn't thought about the possibility of spouses NOT liking their partner giving up cigarettes... But this thread shows that it is happening.
316... My heart goes out to you as well... That must be terrible... Finding something that gives you hope, and lets you break a habit that we know kills us but we still can't stop... And having your life partner spit on it.
I know words can't fix it for you, Just know that we're here to listen.
Vent all you want.
We all need hobbies. We all need to be able to breathe. Vaping is a two birds one stone type of thing. Im truly sorry that you have to deal with that... This thread is a real eye opener. I hadn't thought about the possibility of spouses NOT liking their partner giving up cigarettes... But this thread shows that it is happening.
316... My heart goes out to you as well... That must be terrible... Finding something that gives you hope, and lets you break a habit that we know kills us but we still can't stop... And having your life partner spit on it.
I know words can't fix it for you, Just know that we're here to listen.
Vent all you want.
Magz
I understand totally and pray you can find some peace.
316
Funny, my mom is Nippon (currently residing in Kobe) and my dad was Spanish so I totally
comprehend
I understand totally and pray you can find some peace.
316
Funny, my mom is Nippon (currently residing in Kobe) and my dad was Spanish so I totally
comprehend
Hi Magz,
I was going to go off on a rant about your situation but thought better of it. I don't know you or know all your circumstances, but it sounds like this guy has low self-essteme and he deals with it by trying to destroy yours. You cannot have someone in you life who does not support the things you want to do or the things that are good for you, not just in the case of ecigs.
I hope you will find a way to get away from him so you are free to meet someone who is more well adjusted and will be able to give you the support you deserve.
I was going to go off on a rant about your situation but thought better of it. I don't know you or know all your circumstances, but it sounds like this guy has low self-essteme and he deals with it by trying to destroy yours. You cannot have someone in you life who does not support the things you want to do or the things that are good for you, not just in the case of ecigs.
I hope you will find a way to get away from him so you are free to meet someone who is more well adjusted and will be able to give you the support you deserve.
Holy Hannah!!! Another kindred spirit!!!
I thought my brothers and I were the only "odd balls" out there!!! Pardon me for saying this, but another "han-boon, han-boon" phonetic spelling of course.When my hubby wants a good laugh he asks me to say "keyring". It comes out as "kee - rin".
Vodka is "vaca" as in cow in spanish.
Straight up "l's" and "r's" are hard for me to say. But I can roll my "r's" in spanish like no one's business.
We had a rule in the family growing up. DO NOT MAKE MOM LAUGH WHEN SHE IS DRIVING THE CAR. Of course, being the little demons we were, we'd get her laughing so hard she couldn't see. Her eyes would squint up so much. Then she'd drive on the sidewalks, on lawns, over curbs. My dad had to finally remove the bushes on one side of the driveway because she would always run over them.
My mom is buried in Kamakura in the family temple. I have her alter in the kitchen so she is always with us.
Wow! I'm so jazzed!!!
Magz - I won't tell you what to do, 'cause it's not for me to say. I will listen, I will be there if you need me and I will support you. Only you know what you need to do to be happy. Relationships, intimate or otherwise, are supposed to be 50-50. Some days, it's more like 90-10. But in the end, it should all balance.
My hubby is not an abusive man; he's human and does make mistakes. In this instance, his brain malfunctioned. If I hadn't of said anything to anyone, that would be my malfunction. But in the end, it has worked out. Healthy relationships are like that.
Most everyone deserves to be treated with respect, dignity, love, and honesty. What I will not tolerate is abuse - be it physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, sexual, social or economic.
To be clear on what abuse is: it is using intimidation, intrusion, manipulation to control another person. It is a life long pattern that can be learned from generation to generation. Chronic, non-supportive behavior can be abusive if it is to control another person, if it prevents the growth of another.
What ever you decide to do, know that you are supported here. I wish you the best and keep us updated on how you are doing.
Hugs!!!
TO ALL NEW VAPERS: MANY MANY CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some of you guys are such newbes that you "are just now getting over the hump," IMO. I think it took me a week to fall in love with vapes and prefer them to analogs. Keep a high nic juice around for emergency/weak moments or nic gum. For me, these two things are the only reasons I was able to get through the first month of vaping. After 2 months I was pretty much back to normal.
316 and I have decided through PM that this thread should serve as the support forum until we actually get one.
Is that cool with everyone else????
316: Didn't know about this!! Horrible past but WHAT A STORY OF SUCCESS!!!!!!! I'm so happy to hear that you have reached so many wonderful goals!!!! Your hubby sounds very cool...and like you said even the best relationships fall into holes....coming out is the key! You are a role model!! I'd love for you to talk to some of "my kids" (that I work with) going through what you went through. Oh...you already do that for a living LOL....just kidding. My mom hit me constantly but nothing like what you experienced!! and on a completely different note...sounds like both us couples consist of 4 mental health workers. INTERESTING what ya find out!! VERY COOL!! SMALL WORLD!!!
Magz: I don't even know 316... but I couldn't have said it any better than her!!! She said it all!! Hang in there!
My hubby hasn't come around yet. This has been going on for almost 6 months so nothing is going to change for me any time soon. No biggie!! I support myself and the forum helps!! All that really matters is that he supports me in all other areas of my life...and I know part of it is that he is still smoking...so its a support issue for him too.
Since we are divulging: I'm 37 married and have 2 cats. I have a panic disorder and have had it since age 22. Within a year of my dad dying I had my first panic attack. This goes along with the statistics of anxiety disorders. I have been through much treatment and have things "under control" now...and have for the past 6 years....but the first 9 years were ROUGH!! Told my parents I wanted to be a psychologist at age 5 and end up with a mental health disorder in the process of becoming a clinical social worker. OH THE IRONY!!! Of course it has helped me to become better at what I do (much broader perspective). Anyway....every time I tried to quit smoking before I discovered vapor I had such severe and frequent panic attacks that EVERYONE THOUGHT I SHOULD START SMOKING AGAIN!!! It was eventually (after a total of 10 attempts over 18 years) sort of passed off by everyone including my doctors that maybe I needed cigarettes as my "medication" to keep me functioning daily. My panic attacks aren't fun or funny to anyone so it seemed quality of life over length of life was where I was headed with cigarettes. When I tried my V4L PV for the first time I knew it would be different this time and I was right!!! My hubby smokes "my" brand of cigs right next to me and I haven't flinched!!! LOVE VAPING!!! WONT QUIT!!! Will try to cut my nic and amount vaped per day over a period of time but I'm really in no hurry!! I have just started mixing my own juice to control exactly what is in it. I'm just so proud to finally be in control of how long I may live (unless something random happens which doesn't count...LOL)!!! I want to have the chance to say "I'm too old for this living crap!!" And maybe I will get to now that I have quit smoking. MY GRANDMOTHER IS 99!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She also smoked for 30 years BACK IN THE DAY!!
BTW: I have had enough time to speak with ALL of my doctors and some family members that are doctors and they are all total believers in PVs after being educated a little about them. They are all PSYCHED that I quit!!! My primary screamed "F&%@ YEAH!!!" when I told him...which CRACKED ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never have I heard this but I though that it was an appropriate response to such an amazing feat!!!! All of us deserve a bunch of "F&%@ YEAHs!!!" for doing the best thing we could have ever done for our lives and our health!!!!! CONGRATS TO ALL!!!
This thread is THE BEST!!
We are here for you if you need us!!! Yes I'm talking to YOU!!
KEEP VAPING AND STAY STRONG EVERYONE!!! Have a great weekend!!!
316 and I have decided through PM that this thread should serve as the support forum until we actually get one.
Is that cool with everyone else????
316: Didn't know about this!! Horrible past but WHAT A STORY OF SUCCESS!!!!!!! I'm so happy to hear that you have reached so many wonderful goals!!!! Your hubby sounds very cool...and like you said even the best relationships fall into holes....coming out is the key! You are a role model!! I'd love for you to talk to some of "my kids" (that I work with) going through what you went through. Oh...you already do that for a living LOL....just kidding. My mom hit me constantly but nothing like what you experienced!! and on a completely different note...sounds like both us couples consist of 4 mental health workers. INTERESTING what ya find out!! VERY COOL!! SMALL WORLD!!!
Magz: I don't even know 316... but I couldn't have said it any better than her!!! She said it all!! Hang in there!
My hubby hasn't come around yet. This has been going on for almost 6 months so nothing is going to change for me any time soon. No biggie!! I support myself and the forum helps!! All that really matters is that he supports me in all other areas of my life...and I know part of it is that he is still smoking...so its a support issue for him too.
Since we are divulging: I'm 37 married and have 2 cats. I have a panic disorder and have had it since age 22. Within a year of my dad dying I had my first panic attack. This goes along with the statistics of anxiety disorders. I have been through much treatment and have things "under control" now...and have for the past 6 years....but the first 9 years were ROUGH!! Told my parents I wanted to be a psychologist at age 5 and end up with a mental health disorder in the process of becoming a clinical social worker. OH THE IRONY!!! Of course it has helped me to become better at what I do (much broader perspective). Anyway....every time I tried to quit smoking before I discovered vapor I had such severe and frequent panic attacks that EVERYONE THOUGHT I SHOULD START SMOKING AGAIN!!! It was eventually (after a total of 10 attempts over 18 years) sort of passed off by everyone including my doctors that maybe I needed cigarettes as my "medication" to keep me functioning daily. My panic attacks aren't fun or funny to anyone so it seemed quality of life over length of life was where I was headed with cigarettes. When I tried my V4L PV for the first time I knew it would be different this time and I was right!!! My hubby smokes "my" brand of cigs right next to me and I haven't flinched!!! LOVE VAPING!!! WONT QUIT!!! Will try to cut my nic and amount vaped per day over a period of time but I'm really in no hurry!! I have just started mixing my own juice to control exactly what is in it. I'm just so proud to finally be in control of how long I may live (unless something random happens which doesn't count...LOL)!!! I want to have the chance to say "I'm too old for this living crap!!" And maybe I will get to now that I have quit smoking. MY GRANDMOTHER IS 99!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She also smoked for 30 years BACK IN THE DAY!!
BTW: I have had enough time to speak with ALL of my doctors and some family members that are doctors and they are all total believers in PVs after being educated a little about them. They are all PSYCHED that I quit!!! My primary screamed "F&%@ YEAH!!!" when I told him...which CRACKED ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never have I heard this but I though that it was an appropriate response to such an amazing feat!!!! All of us deserve a bunch of "F&%@ YEAHs!!!" for doing the best thing we could have ever done for our lives and our health!!!!! CONGRATS TO ALL!!!
This thread is THE BEST!!
We are here for you if you need us!!! Yes I'm talking to YOU!!
KEEP VAPING AND STAY STRONG EVERYONE!!! Have a great weekend!!!
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What shall we call the new thread??....we can put a link from there to here??? or the other way around??? Someone else may have a better idea??
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