Meds work. For some people they work really well. Unfortunately, I am one of those with an addictive bent. There are times when I doubt I need them - that's when they are working, and I feel "fine". When times are bad I think I need bigger, better, faster, more. I'm fine with the non-narcotic meds, but when it comes to benzos or pain-killers I have to be very careful. My doc prescribed benzos for me the first time when I was going through disabling anxiety. It worked like a miracle. I can't stress how well they worked for me at first. Over time the effectiveness diminished. My prescribed amount wasn't enough, and I asked the doc to up my dosage. Nope. So I went online and ordered from Mexican pharmacies. Before too long I was using bill/rent money to cover my ever-increasing need. I hocked jewelry. ERs became my "dealer". There was no way I could manage this anymore - I was hopelessly addicted, my tolerance had gone through the roof, and the relief I got was very short-lived. There was no choice for me - I had to get off them. I still take meds - I even take a couple ativan occasionally (there's a medical procedure once a month that involves a 4" needle going into my belly and I take 2mg an hour prior). A family member keeps the prescription and drives me, so they're out of my hands.
I really do hope I didn't come off as meaning that meds are bad, or unneccesary. They work. Many people, including myself, benefit from 'better living through chemistry'. My story is one of addiction - I was clean and sober 12 years when I started on the benzos. Now I've got almost 6 months under my belt. Unfortunately, I still have times of crippling anxiety. I get through them 1 day at a time. I'd love to be "normal" but I ain't. I'm me, and that's ok, it's all I've got.
The holidays are tough on so many - but one thing we've got is this here. Last year I didn't have this forum, this support - this place of safety where I can state the truth. If I could reach through the interwebs and hug you all, I would.
