Guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under arm.
Says to the bartender: "I’ll take a beer, and one for the road."
Says to the bartender: "I’ll take a beer, and one for the road."
The Joke Tread!
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What is the definition of a good farmer?
A MAN OUTSTANDING IN HIS FIELD.......................
A MAN OUTSTANDING IN HIS FIELD.......................
How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go play on our bikes.
what did one hat say to another?
You stay here, I'll go on a head...................
You stay here, I'll go on a head...................
What do you call a man with no arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?
Claude................
Claude................
Did you hear about the Hyena who drank a pint of gravy?
He was a laughing stock..............
He was a laughing stock..............
A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his
doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an
advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like
heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he could run no more and decided the next day he would catch her.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat
more slender physique, and thinking he was fit enough to catch her eventually, he
calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
shot. This gal is in excellent shape, moreso than the girl before her.
Although the man was persistant he could not catch her.
For the next four days, the same girl shows up
and the same thing happens each time. On the
sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
pounds.
Feeling much better about himself and thinking he was almost fast enough,
he decides to go for broke and subscribe to the company's
7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are you sure, sir?
asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
rigorous program. 'Absolutely, haven't felt this good in years!'
The next day there comes a knock at his
door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative
of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.
doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an
advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like
heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he could run no more and decided the next day he would catch her.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat
more slender physique, and thinking he was fit enough to catch her eventually, he
calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
shot. This gal is in excellent shape, moreso than the girl before her.
Although the man was persistant he could not catch her.
For the next four days, the same girl shows up
and the same thing happens each time. On the
sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
pounds.
Feeling much better about himself and thinking he was almost fast enough,
he decides to go for broke and subscribe to the company's
7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are you sure, sir?
asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
rigorous program. 'Absolutely, haven't felt this good in years!'
The next day there comes a knock at his
door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative
of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.
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