The Joke Tread!

[jj2]

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.

"I think you're bad luck."

 

[Lynzy]

 

[jj2]

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

 

[jj2]

A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...

 

[jj2]

Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Because they taste funny.

 

[Lynzy]

 

[jj2]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

 

[jj2]

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".

 

[jj2]

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no

 

[Butters80]

Seen on a filthy car yesterday written in the dirt: I wish my wife was this dirty

 

[jj2]

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

 

[jj2]

There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.

 

[jj2]

A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says
"Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"

 

[Wuzznt Me]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, they came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.



But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Tony was left. "Tony, do you have a story to share?' 'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Doreen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands. 'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?'





















"Don't mess with Aunt Doreen when she's been drinking."

 

[jj2]

Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it.

 

[jj2]

Q. What's pink and fluffy
A. Pink fluff

 

[jj2]

Q. What's blue and fluffy
A. Pink fluff holding it's breath

 

[jj2]

Two muffins are in the oven.
One says to the other "Wow it's hot in here"
The other one replies "Oh no... It's a talking muffin"

 

[jj2]

Know why a room full of married people looks so empty?
There's not a Single person in it...

 

[jj2]

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Slvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents.