The Joke Tread!
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what do you do with epileptic lettuce?
You make a seizure salad..........................
You make a seizure salad..........................
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids................
Polaroids................
Why didn't the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe......................
Because they cantaloupe......................
What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.................
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.................
A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"
A mushroom walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"
The mushroom says "Why not I'm a Fungi!"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"
The mushroom says "Why not I'm a Fungi!"
I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.
A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow." The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders a fine Pilsner beer. The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a pilsner, great choice. You're a smart man." Starting to freak out, the guy says to the bartender "Hey what the hell, this bowl of pretzels keeps saying nice things to me!" Bartender says "Don't worry about it, the pretzels are complimentary."
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'
'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'
'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'
2 whales walk into a bar.
First whale says: ooooEEEEEEEEaaaayyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaa eeeeooOOOOYAIIIAIIIEYOOOooooooo
Second whale says: Shut up Steve, you're drunk
First whale says: ooooEEEEEEEEaaaayyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaa eeeeooOOOOYAIIIAIIIEYOOOooooooo
Second whale says: Shut up Steve, you're drunk
The owner of a golf course is confused about paying an invoice, so he decides to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and says, 'You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thinks a moment, and replies, 'Everything but my earrings.'
The secretary thinks a moment, and replies, 'Everything but my earrings.'
A group of Alabama friends go deer hunting and pair off for the day. That night, one of the hunters returns alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. 'Where's Henry?' the others ask.
'Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,' the successful hunter replies.
'You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?'
'A tough call,' nodded the hunter. 'But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!'
'Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,' the successful hunter replies.
'You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?'
'A tough call,' nodded the hunter. 'But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!'
Anteater walks into a bar. Bartender says "What can I get ya, fella? You look like a whiskey guy." Anteater says, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOooo"
Bartender says, "Hmmm. Well how about tequila?" Anteater says, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOooo"
Bartender says, "Well, then can I get you a beer?" Anteater says, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOooo"
Bartender says, "Why the long nose?"
Bartender says, "Hmmm. Well how about tequila?" Anteater says, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOooo"
Bartender says, "Well, then can I get you a beer?" Anteater says, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOooo"
Bartender says, "Why the long nose?"
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