The Joke Tread!
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Q: What did the bunnies say when the farmer caught them kissing in the garden?
A: Lettuce alone!
A: Lettuce alone!
Nurses Shouldn't Laugh
"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse to the patient, "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest adult male organ the nurse had ever seen in her life.
In length and width it was almost identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out.
And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's private part, she composed herself as well as she could.
"I am so sorry," she said,"I don't know what came over me.On my honour as as a nurse and a lady, I promise that it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Bob replied.
She ran out of the room.
"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse to the patient, "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest adult male organ the nurse had ever seen in her life.
In length and width it was almost identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out.
And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's private part, she composed herself as well as she could.
"I am so sorry," she said,"I don't know what came over me.On my honour as as a nurse and a lady, I promise that it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Bob replied.
She ran out of the room.
Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they’re in black and white....................
A: Because they’re in black and white....................
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Deaf Genie
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks whats in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, of about 12 inches height, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart.
Where on earth did you get that??? asked the surprised bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: Here. Rub it.
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly theres a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. I will grant you one wish just one.
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, I want a million bucks!
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. Another duck, then another soon follow it. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, You know, I think your genies a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.
The man replies, Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist???
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks whats in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, of about 12 inches height, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart.
Where on earth did you get that??? asked the surprised bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: Here. Rub it.
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly theres a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. I will grant you one wish just one.
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, I want a million bucks!
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. Another duck, then another soon follow it. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, You know, I think your genies a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.
The man replies, Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist???
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