The wonders of Nicoticket

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distortoblotto

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It's odd when you are not looking for something you find it.

Truer words have never been spoken or as Candid Camera used to state "When you least suspect it, You're elected." The very last thing I was looking for when I met the love of my life was another girl friend. Needless to say all these years later, I still fall in love just a wee bit more with her everyday.
 

ReigntheGamer

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I've struggled, still much to learn - a divorce is proof enough. Mistakes a plenty - still making them - we all are. Human wheels.

Amen to that! I was just like Prophet when I was younger and that's why I empathize with him and his situation. Something would go wrong whether it was my fault or someone else's I would take it out on myself. This is the first time I have decided to try the other option, improve myself when everything else seems to be falling apart. So far I like this approach much better and wish I would've tried it sooner. It would've saved me and my family a lot of hurting through the years.

Even though everything seems so dark right now the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and brighter, I just hope it's not a train. :)
 

Soignee

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Amen to that! I was just like Prophet when I was younger and that's why I empathize with him and his situation. Something would go wrong whether it was my fault or someone else's I would take it out on myself. This is the first time I have decided to try the other option, improve myself when everything else seems to be falling apart. So far I like this approach much better and wish I would've tried it sooner. It would've saved me and my family a lot of hurting through the years.

Even though everything seems so dark right now the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and brighter, I just hope it's not a train. :)

Sometimes you have to go down a different street instead of falling in the same hole day after day...
 

Cactus Breath

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That I do Kent. It's being able to take the first step in that direction that's the hard, painful part.
I know the feeling - but sometimes it's better to get the pain over with quickly rather than suffering longer in a situation you're not happy with. I went through a very similar thing with a girlfriend when I was much younger - it hurt nonstop and drove me crazy until I finally nutted up and told her that either she was through with him or I was through with her, she couldn't have her cake and eat it too.

Any partner who would engage in behavior like that without regard for your feelings isn't exactly a great prospect for a long-term relationship. Chances are good that you'll end up living your life entirely on her terms, and that's not a happy life. I have plenty of miserable friends who can attest to that.

[ETA:] I'm not one of the guys who subscribes to the "Happy Wife, Happy Life" malarkey. In my eyes, that's chauvinism/misogyny in the reverse direction. That door swings both ways, IMO - both people in a relationship have a right to consideration and happiness.
 
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LynnNC

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I could have written every post here including yours. I lived with this man for 14 years and found out in May of last year that yeah, he's living with me, in my house while I cooked his food, did his laundry, basically did everything he wanted me to do BUT....he'd spent the last year screwing some other woman. Now, I could have let it go on but after asking the divine presence what should I do, the answer came to me. I politely told him to pack his, and pardon my French, .... up and not let the door knob hit him where the good Lord had split him. I've had my ups and downs for the past year but I'm a heckuva lot happier knowing that he ain't here! My Mr. Right hasn't come along yet but he will. After 2 failed marriages( the first was way too immature, the second, my kids father, was an alcoholic. The one I threw out, I was so sure that he was my forever. Yes it will hurt for awhile but the pain does go away. I can promise you that!
 

Pictor

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What really get's me is that I can't bring myself to tell her to eff off and end things. I just can't. I have a hard time letting go of things.
Hard place to be, and I'm sorry you're in that position. Some people can walk away from a situation like this and never look back, others, as you say, can't let go. I very much doubt if you'd ask her to do the same for you, so I'd say, don't accept it from her.

In my younger days, I was the same, and I put up with a lot because I couldn't bring myself to walk away. Do what's best for you - give yourself some affection.
I may have been too weak with such things when younger, but to be honest, in the same position, I wouldn't hesitate now.
Don't live your life with a compromise or situation that even makes you wonder if it's right for you. You're too young to walk into such a hard compromise, and it would never make you happy.


It's odd when you are not looking for something you find it. Those are some wise words my warrior friend, I've been off the market for 10+ years when I get back to it I will remember them. That's some good advice right there. :thumbs:
When one of our sons was in his late 20's, he said how come he didn't have a proper girlfriend and home of his own yet when some of his friends did, and he worried at it for some time.
I told him something similar: Life happens when you aren't looking.
It did too, out of the blue.
 

Nanny22

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Tyler - somewhere out there is a girl who will want nothing more than to spend the rest of her life trying to make YOU happy. This one doesn't sound like the one, and you can't fix her. Only she can do that. You are so young, there is so much more out there. Work on yourself, make yourself happy, so that when she does come along, you will be ready. When you are looking back behind you, you miss everything that's ahead. Be good to yourself, Tyler. We all wish the best for you and want you to know that you deserve nothing less. :wub:
 

tpriest1030

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Brother man, my heart goes out to you. Self harm is a struggle to overcome. Been there done that.
Your life is changing! Try your best to embrace it! I always try to think, if I wake up in th morning with what I've given thanks for today, what will I have? Hard to count your blessings when everything seems to be tumbling down around you but they are there. And I will pray my heart out for you.
Also, confidence and a sense of humor go a looooong way. I've only ever dated straight girls(I'm a lady;)) and pretty ones at that.
Make a road trip to Kentucky sometime! I've got a spare room with your name all over it.
 

TheProphet

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Thanks everyone. I ended things with her this morning. Then she brought up some stuff about how she doesn't want to lose me and she's just taking out her stress on me. *rolls eyes*


tpriest, I might take you up on that sometime. I've been wanting to hit the Louder than Life Music and Bourbon festival up there.
 

Ms.Cruzer

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I raised boys so your story sounds familiar as I watched them struggle with some of the same. I suspect they are both older than you are now, and they are (Thank God) happily married to the ladies they were meant to be with.

I would say to you what I said to them. Guard your heart and respect yourself more. As Distorto said, this is like a practice round for the one yet to come. It may not seem like it now, but it will. Good luck Prophet.
 

Spooky28

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Thanks Lynn. Like many of us, I started vaping to keep from a harmful habit. For many people, that was smoking. Mine, unfortunately, was self harm. I've struggles with it for several years, and still have slip ups. Up until tonight I was at 3 months clean. Oh well, tomorrow starts another day and I just gotta take it one day at a time.

Oh Tyler, I'm so sorry. I have 2 grown sons of my own, can I just send you a great big mom hug? And yes, I've been where you are. HUG!!!!!
 

Soignee

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Thanks everyone. I ended things with her this morning. Then she brought up some stuff about how she doesn't want to lose me and she's just taking out her stress on me. *rolls eyes*


tpriest, I might take you up on that sometime. I've been wanting to hit the Louder than Life Music and Bourbon festival up there.

Way to go forward! Good man. Festies are good cleansers.
 

Megan Kogijiki Ratchford

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Unfortunately there's not much of an option for boundaries. She said "I want to be with someone who can make me happy, who can cheer me up and give me the physical relationship I want. I want to be able to cuddle mike, and kiss him and sleep with him without having to give you up." She also wants " want my emotional relationship with you and the mental and physical relationship with him. I can't pick one if you and it's driving me crazy".

What really get's me is that I can't bring myself to tell her to eff off and end things. I just can't. I have a hard time letting go of things.

Darlin' as a woman who had this crap happen all too often I say this with all sympathy....RUN!!! F-HER!!! SHE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU AND YOU ARE SERVING YOURSELF A PILE OF CRAP IF YOU STAY WITH HER!!!!!

In less reactionary terms live your life like this: Hold tight to everything and everyone who brings sunshine into your life and let go of everything that brings anger and pain into your life. You have to let the dark move out of the way to bring light back to you *HUGE HUGS* :(
 
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