Valley View Vapes - Weekly Contest and Chit Chat thread - Win a Free Tank!
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You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You name your children eudora, aol and dotcom.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
You laugh at people with 28.8 baud modems.
You start using smileys in your snail mail.
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are because they have neutral screen names and you never bothered to ask.
You move into a new house and decide to netscape before you landscape.
You tell the cab driver you live at http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html
You start tilting your head sideways to smile
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You name your children eudora, aol and dotcom.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
You laugh at people with 28.8 baud modems.
You start using smileys in your snail mail.
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are because they have neutral screen names and you never bothered to ask.
You move into a new house and decide to netscape before you landscape.
You tell the cab driver you live at http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html
You start tilting your head sideways to smile
lol karn, that's like the lady that called computer technical service.....she was trying to explain what kind of computer she had.
She said she really didn't know, but she was thrilled with one button she pushed and out popped a drink holder! (the cd rom drive)
and of course the ancient one about the lady that kept having a message pop up that told her to press any key to continue, and she called tech cuz she couldn't find the "any" key on her keyboard
She said she really didn't know, but she was thrilled with one button she pushed and out popped a drink holder! (the cd rom drive)
and of course the ancient one about the lady that kept having a message pop up that told her to press any key to continue, and she called tech cuz she couldn't find the "any" key on her keyboard
A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchase one of their PCs.
"The cup holder on my computer broke! I just got some coffee and put it in the cup holder and then it broke, and the coffee spilled all over me! I want a replacement!"
The employee was a little confused and didn't know what to say. He finally asked her to describe the cup holder to him...he'd never heard of his company selling in-computer cup holders.
So the lady went on to describe the cup holder to him. "Well, it pops out of the little box when I push a button, and it has 40x written on it..."
"The cup holder on my computer broke! I just got some coffee and put it in the cup holder and then it broke, and the coffee spilled all over me! I want a replacement!"
The employee was a little confused and didn't know what to say. He finally asked her to describe the cup holder to him...he'd never heard of his company selling in-computer cup holders.
So the lady went on to describe the cup holder to him. "Well, it pops out of the little box when I push a button, and it has 40x written on it..."
Computer users are divided into three types:
Novice, Intermediate and Expert.
Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert Users - People who press the keys that break other people's computers.
Novice, Intermediate and Expert.
Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert Users - People who press the keys that break other people's computers.
Customer to book store owner: "I'd like to return this book on modern medical procedures."
Owner: "Is there something wrong with it?"
Customer: "Someone removed the appendix."
Owner: "Is there something wrong with it?"
Customer: "Someone removed the appendix."
A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.
Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
There are three engineers in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault
might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?"
Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault
might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?"
Two vultures get ready to board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession.
The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib.
This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.
The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.
The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"
The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib.
This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.
The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.
The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.
The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
Microsoft (Nasdaq: MSFT) announced that it is selling advertising space in the error messages that appear in Windows.
Acknowledging for the first time that the average user of their operating system encounters error messages at least several times a day, Microsoft is trying to take financial advantage of the unavoidable opportunity to make an ad impression.
"We estimate that throughout the world at any given moment several million people are getting a 'General Protection Fault' or 'Illegal Operation' warning.
We will be able to generate significant revenue by including a short advertising message along with it," said Microsoft marketing director Nathan Mirror.
He also mentioned that Microsoft is intended to add banner ads into its Blue Screen of Death in the near future.
The Justice Department immediately indicated that they intend to investigate whether Microsoft is gaining an unfair advantage in reaching the public with this advertising by virtue of its semi-monopolistic control over error messages.
Acknowledging for the first time that the average user of their operating system encounters error messages at least several times a day, Microsoft is trying to take financial advantage of the unavoidable opportunity to make an ad impression.
"We estimate that throughout the world at any given moment several million people are getting a 'General Protection Fault' or 'Illegal Operation' warning.
We will be able to generate significant revenue by including a short advertising message along with it," said Microsoft marketing director Nathan Mirror.
He also mentioned that Microsoft is intended to add banner ads into its Blue Screen of Death in the near future.
The Justice Department immediately indicated that they intend to investigate whether Microsoft is gaining an unfair advantage in reaching the public with this advertising by virtue of its semi-monopolistic control over error messages.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
One day Bill Gates died and went to heaven.
When he got there he met God.
God said "Where do you want to go Heaven or Hell?"
Bill Gates said, "Can I have a look at them first?"
So God showed him Heaven and there were all people in white drinking wine a playing harps and all the walls were white.
Next God took him to Hell. Bill Gates saw a beautiful beach with gorgeous women in colorful bikinis, all the iced beer a person could drink and everyone was splashing in the water and having fun.
Bill Gates choose Hell.
A few weeks later God went to visit Bill in Hell where he was to tied to a rock and the devils were surronding him and he screamed to God: "When you let me look at Hell, it was full of gorgeous women, iced beer and fun. What happened??!!?"
God replied, "Oh that? It was only a demo".
When he got there he met God.
God said "Where do you want to go Heaven or Hell?"
Bill Gates said, "Can I have a look at them first?"
So God showed him Heaven and there were all people in white drinking wine a playing harps and all the walls were white.
Next God took him to Hell. Bill Gates saw a beautiful beach with gorgeous women in colorful bikinis, all the iced beer a person could drink and everyone was splashing in the water and having fun.
Bill Gates choose Hell.
A few weeks later God went to visit Bill in Hell where he was to tied to a rock and the devils were surronding him and he screamed to God: "When you let me look at Hell, it was full of gorgeous women, iced beer and fun. What happened??!!?"
God replied, "Oh that? It was only a demo".
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees".
"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees".
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"
"Yup, shore am!"
"How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."
The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"
"Yup, shore am!"
"How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."
The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"
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