What's under your lip/in your nose right now? - Part 2

hittman

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  • Jul 13, 2009
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    Thanks Roth. He had been in and out of the hospital and rehab since May. It's been maybe two months that he's been in the nursing home. He's had COPD for a long time. The nursing home person that called my sister said he went peacefully. They were giving him morphine. I'm with you about going fast. I hope I do. I feel like my dad had been suffering since he had been in the nursing home and was stuck in bed.
     

    rothenbj

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    With your news yesterday morning, I was faced with having to see Justin to get him to scribble on an SSDI form that SSA wouldn't accept my PoA signature for medical records release. This is so frustrating. He scribbled, his wife and aunt signed that it was his scribble and he really didn't understand the reason anyway.

    I was actually dreading going to see him. When I got involved he was bad and I knew inside that he was fading fast, but I've avoided direct contact since his diagnosis and, more recently, his knowing it was the end.

    It's tough not really being close to him before he got sick. We had casual conversations but it's not like we were relative or friend close that you have any idea how to make him feel comfortable. To make matters worse, I keep getting asked to do things that I really think someone else should be approaching, like his parents.

    The latest is a concern for the children. Everyone is afraid his wife will waste all the money and feels some money should be set aside for them, but nobody in the family wants to talk to him about it. In my mind that's something his parents should address. I skipped over that request totally yesterday.
     

    rothenbj

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    Hitt, I hope you got home safely.

    I just need to vent a bit about my least favorite subject these days, the Social Security Disability administration. I spent several hours Saturday night filling out yet another form on my gf's dying nephew. Stip things considering is current situation, like what are his hobbies and has his disability effected his ability to do those hobbies. Fortunately at the end of the 10 pages or so, they gave a section where you could add other factors. That was a section I could vent some of my frustrations and I too advantage of the space.

    I had also received a letter from someone from SSA that was unable to contact him asking him or someone to contact them. Unfortunately, the letter wasn't signed. As it turned out, it was a nice fellow who had already received the paperwork I had faxed in on Saturday night so the conversation went well and I feel I have someone that will really work to get this resolved, hopefully before I can no longer let him know I got it straightened out.

    Anyway, one thing that bothered me was the fact that, initially, both SSDI (disability insurance for those that had enough work periods to qualify) and SSI, for those that didn't work enough to collect. He worked all but a period of about a year when he was out of work from the time he left high school and it made no sense that SSI was applied for since he didn't qualify for it having savings in an IRA.

    This is what blew my mind. The agent explained the SS process and said, many times, SS personnel will file for both SSDI and SSI because it's EASIER to get approved for SSI. Now SSDI is paid for by workers and their employers. I think something like 1% of the withholdings for SS are to fund SSDI. SSI is funded via taxes, paid by those that work. So in effect, Justin not only paid for hiss SSDI benefit but also paid for a portion of the payments to SSI recipients via his income taxes.

    What this means is he paid into the government, all his life, so that when he needed to collect, those that hadn't worked would get preference over his needs. Now I understand that some of those SSI recipients really, due to their health situations need help. However I also know a lot getting covered just have learned how to game the system. What bugs me is that they don't really pay attention to the individual cases from the start. They use a logic tree, as my discussion taught me.

    They didn't look at his diagnosis or prognosis. He fell in the under 50 group that basically aren't reviewed at all. There was some sort of medical interview done early, but, generally, they deny the claims and send them to a judge review. That can take up to 2 years. The fellow basically that the system generally works, but some cases like Justin's just fall thru the cracks. Great!

    Rant over....
     

    rothenbj

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    That was nice. I know the local Legion would have liked to be at my uncle's funeral since he was a Sergeant Major, their oldest member and a constant visitor to the bar for the three years he was back in the States. However, he didn't want anything special and didn't care about what happened after he was gone so I kept it a quiet grave site meeting of just family. He wasn't religious either so that was avoided also.

    I went to the Legion the day after he passed away, one of the days I was running him there until he reached the end and bought a round for everyone that was there and had one of his brand of beers as a final goodbye.
     

    The Rebel

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    Jul 15, 2010
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    Seems like it's that time of of our lives where there are more funerals than there are weddings. My wife's uncle passed this weekend and the funeral is tomorrow. Nice guy, 71 and in decent health. Living with his daughter because of some recent health issues, got up Saturday morning, made coffee, sat in his chair to watch the news and the next time they checked on him, he was gone. All in all not a bad way to check out but he wasn't that old which was a surprise. I didn't know him all that well, saw him at family functions and such. He did give my boys a bunch of his ice fishing gear this year as he decided to get out of the sport. Like I said, nice guy. He'll be missed. Just makes me think about my own mortality and how much time I may or may not have left on this dirt ball. Got to enjoy it as much as you can, worry less, laugh more. There's crap you can control and crap you can't. Best to deal with the stuff you can control and let the stuff you can't flap in the wind. ;)
     
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    hittman

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    That's a really great way to think about it Rebel. I'm going to make a solid effort to stop worrying so much. That is sad that her uncle passed but like you said it's not a bad way to go. My dad spent his last couple months in a nursing home. Not the way I want to do it.
     

    rothenbj

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    Rebel, speaking of mortality and your uncle, I turn 70 in a month and a half. Trust me, you think a lot more about it when you get to this point. I think God makes it easier as you get older though, making sure that the aches and pains make dying a bit more tolerable. Your uncle went the way I'd prefer to check out when it's time. Long suffering and needing people to take care of me is not my idea of living. I look at Justin and see what he's gone thru and, in all likelihood, he'll never see 39. Basically he got 35 good years, now that's a shame.

    Speaking of aches and pains, I might have to break down and actually go to a real doctor. My left foot is in pretty bad shape. It's been bad for somewhere around a month and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I don't know if it's related but I stepped on a dog bone, real hard, about the time this started. I'm starting to think I may a damaged something in there. Of course it feels fine as long as I don't walk on it.
     

    hittman

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    Before I left for Ohio, my boss asked for the address of the funeral home and said he would send flowers or a plant with the company name on it. Well, nothing ever came so I know from experience that he always follows through when he says he's going to do something. I mentioned to him this morning that he should call and get a refund. He called them and it sounds like they might have put the wrong name on a large assortment that did come that we thought was from my brother in law. It sounds like the large assortment was from my work and there was a smaller one that just had the funeral home name on it.
     

    hittman

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    Rebel, speaking of mortality and your uncle, I turn 70 in a month and a half. Trust me, you think a lot more about it when you get to this point. I think God makes it easier as you get older though, making sure that the aches and pains make dying a bit more tolerable. Your uncle went the way I'd prefer to check out when it's time. Long suffering and needing people to take care of me is not my idea of living. I look at Justin and see what he's gone thru and, in all likelihood, he'll never see 39. Basically he got 35 good years, now that's a shame.

    Speaking of aches and pains, I might have to break down and actually go to a real doctor. My left foot is in pretty bad shape. It's been bad for somewhere around a month and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I don't know if it's related but I stepped on a dog bone, real hard, about the time this started. I'm starting to think I may a damaged something in there. Of course it feels fine as long as I don't walk on it.

    You better go to the doctor. You might have chipped a bone or something. By the way, you're not going anywhere! I need you here to keep an eye on me. Who knows what trouble I could get into.
     

    hittman

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    Well, I was wrong about the flowers. I made a couple phone calls and the guy at the funeral home said they were not delivered so I called the florist and they are giving my boss a refund. They didn't come out and admit that they made a mistake but it is pretty obvious that they did.
     

    The Rebel

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    Heh, didn't mean to go to a dark place on you guys. ;) It was a nice service but one I would never want for me when I pass. Sad songs, hymns and prayers, some old guy saying sad stuff. Too many people sitting around crying. I want either to be cremated and my ashes spread somewhere nice or a good old fashion viking funeral complete with the archer and flaming arrow. Throw in some long tables with lots of grilled meat and beer and that is a good way to be sent off into the next life. Death should be a celebration of the life that was lived, not of the life that was lost.
     

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