A sad group, looking for a turn around...

[asharp22]

I stick up for people in these situations now. There were times we were in public, or by 'friends' and he'd be attacking and no one would do anything. I don't tolerate it from anyone! Onetime a friend of mine and her bf were in my car, and all he did was yell at her, we were in the middle of no where and I kicked him out of the car. "Don't talk to people like that man! now, get the heck outta my car!" Gotta handle these problems one jerk at a time. She was amazed, no one had stuck up for her like that before. I'm glad I could do it for her!

 

[zbasspro]

Hehehehe...........good for you girl!!! i never stand for it!

 

[Satharra]

Yeah, someone has to do it. I'm always amazed at all the people around who think someone else will help. They just don't want to get involved.

In one of the broken noses, one of my friends got slapped by her new bf as he was dragging her out of the bar. I stopped him from dragging her out, knowing that he'd smacked her around a time or two, and told him she wasn't leaving with him. He told me to .... out and shoved me. Got back in there and caught a right hook to the cheekbone, cracking it. That was all it took and I honestly don't remember a thing but heard the witness accounts. It was just full on rage. I just know he later tried to sue me for damages and lost, badly.

My dad was always concerned that, with my size, I'd be a target for men who thought they could pick on a woman. So, he taught me how to fight like a man. I can remember him saying, "You're as tall as a man and nearly as strong as one. You need to learn to fight like one in case you run into one of those short, cocky types who thinks he needs to prove himself on a girl."

 

[alnjessie]

This thread has been heartfelt, compassionate, and something to show that we live, learn,find hope and reason when there seems to be none, I have been in some of the same mess myself and never thought I would live to see the next day. I had a teacher when I was in school that wrote in my yearbook saying the ole sayin IF LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE...she knew even as a kid my life was not good...it never meant much till as a young teen at the age of 15 and on my own the sayin just peirced my mind and then I knew that I was just going to try and make the best out of whatever was thrown my way...but anyways enough of that... I just wanted to say that all you guys are awesome..the sense of community, and love we have and share to be there for one another is a beautiful thing..don't let noone stop it...even the bad apples we occassionally come across in life or on here. keep PIF .....

 

[Princessdee]

Satharra, you rock!
I could never bring myself to hit anyone, but that guy richly deserved it!!!

Jessie, I just wanna say, these things remind me why I'm here, and I'm so glad to have friends like you guys, your philosophy is inspiring.

Missy, just remember when you get out that skillet, it was also a man who saved me. I'll never be worthy of him, but I try.

Our past makes me who we are, and he loves me so I have to think there was a reason for it all. After all, I met you <<<<<<<<<<Squeeze you>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[alnjessie]

Oh yeah a real quick shout out to zbasspro...don't know if u remember me when I first got on here and was like totally lost and yall helped me out..just wanted to say thank you and that it is folks like yall that make the ECF as great as it is.

 

[Satharra]

Satharra, you rock!
I could never bring myself to hit anyone, but that guy richly deserved it!!!

Well, I typically try to talk to people. I'm not a violent person by nature. But, once the punch has been thrown, there's only one thing that's going to get through.

It's a sad statement, though, that I've only ever been in two fights and both were with men.

 

[zbasspro]

Oh yeah a real quick shout out to zbasspro...don't know if u remember me when I first got on here and was like totally lost and yall helped me out..just wanted to say thank you and that it is folks like yall that make the ECF as great as it is.

It was most likely boB..... and thank you... we really try to PIF... and help ppl who need it! ...glad u found us

 

[mini_art]

I thank the Lord I never had to defend myself except once in my life. I am not strong, and not that big , couldnt do much on my own

but there was a crow bar handy so............ the guy was not too ready to keep going after that .

anyway, reading this thread makes you cry, then laugh, then cry some more .

You are all in my prayers , dont know what to say, going to go blubber in a corner for a while.

 

[Automaton]

Asharp - What a sad and beautiful story of human compassion, and rising above. I am so glad you have found someone deserving of your golden heart now.

To the other women here (and perhaps silent men) who have suffered at the hands of violent and hateful "partners," I hope you're healing well, and hopefully find someone who deserves you as well.

Thank you for reminding me of what we're supposed to be about.

Satharra - Funny you mention, because my dad taught me to fight for the opposite reason. I'm pretty tiny. A little on the short side, and kind of skinny. I could probably get beat up by a 10-year-old.

So my dad taught me how to use a weapon. I'm physically pretty weak, but I'm small and fast - a difficult target to hit, basically, and all I need is one good opening. I actually got very into fencing for a while. And I always have a knife - a pocket knife, mostly because it's a great tool.

But I traveled abroad, alone, as a teenager. And I won't lie and say that part of the reason wasn't for my own protection.

Knowing how to handle yourself when you might have to fight is half the battle. I did have to pull out my knife once, when a man who was 6 and a half feet tall and 300 pounds of muscle thought he might be able to strong arm me into going home with him.

All I had to do was pull it out, and look calm and focused. He immediately turned tail and ran. And I'm glad. I'm a lover, not a fighter. I don't want to hurt anyone, ever. I've never been in a real fight (a couple scuffles in grade school, but that's kid stuff).

But I managed to look like I meant business, and I know what I'm doing with a weapon. That's all it took.

And it's sad we live in a world where having some way of fighting off the bad people is something that a woman might want to consider. But there you have it.

PIF is a place we can all come to, and drop whatever doubt or paranoia or fear we have in our hearts from running into the bad people. I try to put my figurative "weapons" down here, even though I am very skilled at surviving in the urban jungle, and being constantly on the defense has become second nature to me.

Here, I just try to do my best, and hope.

Thank you everyone for doing your best and hoping with me.

 

[Sassy Sadie]

WOW... What a powerfully moving thread this has been! Thanks Asharp for starting it... I had to read every post. I work everyday with perpetrators of all types of violence, especially Domestic Violence (DV). Thanks to caring people getting involved and paying it forward, we as a nation have come a long way. We began with the thinking that women and children were the property of a man to do with as he pleases... (our laws protected animals before it protected women and children so you could beat your wife and kids but not your dog).

It's not like that anymore... There are some pretty stringent laws on the books for DV. Our men and women have to do a mandatory 1 year program with a minimum of 3 years probation. In 85% of the time our perpetrators have been victims themselves. Some of the their stories break my heart. They are doing what they do because it's what they know. Some come through the program and have an amazing change of heart and thinking, because they have been taught a different way to get their needs met, others don't.

If you look at givers and takers its really easy to see the difference. Givers are like free flowing streams, fresh water is always flowing through them and others are refreshed by the supply. Takers are like stagnant ponds, water may flow in but because there is no outlet it becomes unfit for consumption.

As a giver I have learned that my giving benefits others, but mostly it benefits ME. I enjoy the fresh supply that is always coming to me as much as others enjoy what is going through me. I am able to feel the love and caring of every gift that comes my way.

It's not so with takers... A taker cannot feel that others care about them, that is stripped away and replaced by a feeling that they themselves have somehow outsmarted and taken the advantage. For most takers its a survival thing, how sad it must be to feel like you have to care only for yourself because no one else will.

The fear of being taken advantage of will put a damn in the givers outflow. If they are not aware of this, they too can become stagnant like the taker. The beauty of PIF is that you choose what to put out and once it is out there it leaves your hands. It's not up to me to decide where it is going to go any more than a stream can determine when it may find it's self flowing into a stagnant pond. Funny thing about the pond though, if enough water keeps flowing into it, eventually there will be overflow because water is an uncontainable force, just like giving.

Oh my... I hope I haven't rambled too much for a newb... I love this group!

 

[Sassy Sadie]

Sorry I didn't know how to delete a duplicate post

 

[HyOnLyph]

Asharp, thank you for opening your heart and sharing your story. So inspiring. We've had a few women in our home for the same reason and it's so wonderful when they find the courage to be who they are meant to be. You've inspired us all by sharing. God bless you.

MistressNomad... I taught my daughter how to use a small two-cell Mag Light as a blackjack for defence. She was allowed to take it to school and she got really good at slipping her hand through the wrist loop quickly and whipping that thing across the "face" of a pillow. I don't know that she ever had to use it on a person ... but it gave her the courage and confidence to step up when necessary.... for herself and for others. She's got girls of her own now and they have the same confidence. One person can change generations by paying if forward.

 

[kj4lxw]

Asharp, thank you for opening your heart and sharing your story. So inspiring. We've had a few women in our home for the same reason and it's so wonderful when they find the courage to be who they are meant to be. You've inspired us all by sharing. God bless you.

MistressNomad... I taught my daughter how to use a small two-cell Mag Light as a blackjack for defence. She was allowed to take it to school and she got really good at slipping her hand through the wrist loop quickly and whipping that thing across the "face" of a pillow. I don't know that she ever had to use it on a person ... but it gave her the courage and confidence to step up when necessary.... for herself and for others. She's got girls of her own now and they have the same confidence. One person can change generations by paying if forward.

Lots of ways of using a small flashlight or a pen/pencil for protection. Keeping aware of your surroundings and following your gut feelings are the first step.
Women should not think of themselves as defenseless. There are many things that any person or any size or stature can do to thwart or disuade an aggressor (btw, I'm a skinny little runt at 5'9" and 140#). We're not talking about putting on gloves and stepping into a ring for a fair fight, its about doing whatever you have to do to protect yourself and your loved ones.