A Smile for you

[Mary Kay]

Mingo..Long time, no see! Doing good I hope!
I liked those! ..Wait..let me go back and reread to see if that was the post I liked..............yep! Good one!

 

[Mary Kay]

A Senior Moment . . . at 48?

$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." I turned to see who he was talking to, and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet – a mere child! Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind: leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It can happen to anyone!

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Elmo had no clue.

I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

 

[Grandma Cas]

I know just how he felt.

At a trendy hairdressing salon in the millennium year, the march of time, & my age in particular, left me in need of a stiff drink & a whole bucketful of reassurance from friends.

It was just after our move from Hillingdon to Guildford, I was feeling a bit isolated & in need of some TLC, so I booked myself into this 'trendy salon' to have what I thought was a moral booster.

Now, you have to bear in mind, these people didn't know me from 'Eve'. However, this was a well-known chain and I was confident it would be just like the one I used previously. And I thought it was. That was my first mistake.

The perm rollers removed, I sat back as I usually do with my eyes closed, waiting to be finished off. The stylist returned and got to work, I continued to sit with my eyes closed, enjoying the usual pampering. That was my second mistake. Never, ever, take your eyes off the stylist after you turn fifty.

"There we are dear" he said holding up the mirror.

This can't be right. I counted the faces looking back at me. Just two. One trendy guy, and one odd looking woman. She had a large double chin, and little chipmunk pouches, topped off by an enormous thatch of iron-grey filings.

Who was this person? It certainly wasn't me. Well that was when I lost it. I grabbed a comb from the shelf and while a look abject terror slowly came over the 'trendy guys' face; I completely destroyed his creation.

'If I'd wanted to look like my grandmother', I growled viciously, dragging the comb through the offending thatch. 'I'd have brought a photograph of her for you to copy. I have never been so insulted' I poked and prodded trying to get my iron fillings where I wanted them to go.

'How old do you think I am? Just because I'am a grandmother, it doesn't follow that I want to look like your antiquated version of one. Who the hell trained you for god's sake? Medusa?'

I gathered what remained of my dignity; paid my bill, and left him to ponder on the errors of stereotyping.

Although I was, and still am comfortable with the way I have aged, I am not yet over the hill. Just because I've gained a little weight and a few grey hairs, they needn't think I'm ready for the knackers' yard yet.

I made myself a solemn promise that day. I will have to be dragged kicking and screaming into my dotage. Then,if all else fails I will don a purple hat.

In my experience the gap between how others see us & how we see ourselves is never bridged with reality. Thank God.

 

[Mary Kay]

Cas! That was good! I missed you face girlfriend! Cheers
Now to go find C and Syclla! I need my shot of "slang"!

 

[Grandma Cas]

Cas! That was good! I missed you face girlfriend! Cheers
Now to go find C and Syclla! I need my shot of "slang"!

Thank you MaryKay... & I promise you it was not a work of fiction... everything happened just as I said...

 

[JennFL5366]

ok here are some i got in a text message (i have nothing against rednecks btw)

how do rednecks take a family portrait? they throw everyone in the back of the truck..run a red light and wait for the photo to come in the mail....

i took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes, he is 92.
we decided to grab a bite at the food court.
i noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

the teenager had spiked hair in all diffrent colors: green,red,orange and blue.
my dad kept starting at him
the teenager would look at him staring every time.
when the teenager had had enought, he sarcastically asked,
whats the matter old man?
never done anything wild in your life
knowing my dad i quickly swallowed my food so i would not choke on his
response knowign he would have a good one
and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response...
got drunk once ****** a peacock and i was just wondering
if you were my kid.

sorry again if i offended anyone...lol just thought they were good.

 

[SudokuGal]

LMAO..."wondering if you were my kid"

 

[Grandma Cas]

LOL Jennifer, kudos to your wonderful dad

 

[JennFL5366]

LOL Jennifer, kudos to your wonderful dad

lol i wish..not my dad was in a text message i got from my hair dresser those were the pg ones i could find...lol pg (no not the stuff we vape)

 

[Grandma Cas]

lol i wish..not my dad was in a text message i got from my hair dresser those were the pg ones i could find...lol pg (no not the stuff we vape)

Whoops... that'll teach me to slow down when I read a post... lol

 

[Kelly79]

I like this guy!

 

[Kelly79]

Heehee too funny.

 

[JennFL5366]

 

[Mary Kay]

Love them!! One of you guys start a LOL cat/LOL dog thread!

 

[Jennee26]

I thought we had one? or was it this one? I'll start one if no one has yet.

 

[Kelly79]

uh oh, now we got two!

 

[Jennee26]

LOL. Thanks to MK coming to the rescue all is well now.

 

[Mary Kay]

No Prob! Most of the time I ask someone to start a thread and they all get shy! We have a thread called caption this or something like that. The problem was one person had to do it all..this way everyone can play.

Repost those pictures in this thread in the other one..more people will see them!

 

[Jennee26]

Marykay - I seem to stir up trouble everywhere I go. I may just need to stay secluded to the women's room and not venture upstairs every once in a while. Check out post # 210 Here:

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/forum/general-discussion/31583-avatars-real-fiction-21.html

LOL. Oh and Click on the thumbnail to make it bigger.

 

[Mary Kay]

Did I tell you or what? Ugly up!