9-9 #2
@KatzWh1skers - Inside, we are still us.. the people we have always been. But the people who knew us before will say we have changed. Not that we became uncaring or unfeeling, and not because we became whiners or mean - but because we are (at least I) am not happy like I once was.
I don't laugh as easily, nor joke as often. I am much more serious now - and that is due to the pain. Everything is a conscious effort to get through, whether its something seemingly simple like dressing, or being dressed, or cooking dinner. Things that are nothing to most, take effort to get through now. Do I scream in pain because I have to wear pants now? No.. I learned how to make it through without tears on most counts, but it makes me a much more serious person because I am busy hiding it all from everyone.
My husband didn't know me before this, so he doesn't know and sees me as a happy person who deals well with it all unless the pain is spiking. But my kids, definitely see the change in my overall happiness - even yet today. So it has changed me in that way.
And I think I get upset easier too. My husbands family (who we live with) doesn't understand me when I say "I hurt". If I say I hurt, I am on the verge of dropping in pain. It bothers me sometimes that even when I am in that much pain, no one bothers to help out with things. Everyone just leaves everything until I am better and able to get out of bed again, or looks at me like i may have just been lazy the last few days. It bothers me sometimes. I got up at 1 am last night, after not being able to get out of bed for anything more than going to the bathroom, to dishes piled in the sink, the dog not having food or water, trash laying around everywhere, trash overflowing the trash can.. (NONE of it mine!)
all waiting for me to be able to clean up after everyone - who are perfectly healthy. It makes me angry sometimes at them.. and then it makes me angry with myself because I cannot do what I "should" be able to do. So I think I may be shorter or temper from time to time.
But inside, I am still the same.. just having to learn different skill sets than before!
I hope you are getting some good rest!
@KatzWh1skers - Inside, we are still us.. the people we have always been. But the people who knew us before will say we have changed. Not that we became uncaring or unfeeling, and not because we became whiners or mean - but because we are (at least I) am not happy like I once was.
I don't laugh as easily, nor joke as often. I am much more serious now - and that is due to the pain. Everything is a conscious effort to get through, whether its something seemingly simple like dressing, or being dressed, or cooking dinner. Things that are nothing to most, take effort to get through now. Do I scream in pain because I have to wear pants now? No.. I learned how to make it through without tears on most counts, but it makes me a much more serious person because I am busy hiding it all from everyone.
My husband didn't know me before this, so he doesn't know and sees me as a happy person who deals well with it all unless the pain is spiking. But my kids, definitely see the change in my overall happiness - even yet today. So it has changed me in that way.
And I think I get upset easier too. My husbands family (who we live with) doesn't understand me when I say "I hurt". If I say I hurt, I am on the verge of dropping in pain. It bothers me sometimes that even when I am in that much pain, no one bothers to help out with things. Everyone just leaves everything until I am better and able to get out of bed again, or looks at me like i may have just been lazy the last few days. It bothers me sometimes. I got up at 1 am last night, after not being able to get out of bed for anything more than going to the bathroom, to dishes piled in the sink, the dog not having food or water, trash laying around everywhere, trash overflowing the trash can.. (NONE of it mine!)
all waiting for me to be able to clean up after everyone - who are perfectly healthy. It makes me angry sometimes at them.. and then it makes me angry with myself because I cannot do what I "should" be able to do. So I think I may be shorter or temper from time to time.
But inside, I am still the same.. just having to learn different skill sets than before!
I hope you are getting some good rest!
The normal mail guy was on vacation until today, so the first thing he did was figure out the problem and ring my door bell...
