I'm a day late for Valentine's Day, but for all of my friends -
I don't even know what to say. I wish you could all throw tomatoes at me through the computer screen. Earlier today, I told PapawBrett that my mother raised me better than to treat my friends the way I've treated all of you - I mean, I haven't even opened some PMs from a few of you here and in REOville, my other forum home - and that I was just too ashamed to show my face around here again. I'd asked my fellow Huntsman Defender, our terrific, overly-forgiving Hula to let you all know that I was still hangin' in (like I couldn't just do that myself?!), and I'd been thinking I might just leave it at that. Well, Papaw called BS on all that, pulled the Grandfather Card on me because I've, indeed, been acting like a child, and finally got my sorry .... to come back around to own up and ask forgiveness for going MIA for so long without explanation.
No explanation can suffice as excuse, but I've had a real nightmare of a year on many fronts, and it's just knocked me for such a loop. Even before multiple shoes started dropping around here these past months, I'd been duking it out with depression for around six years, but I don't like pity, and I TRULY can't stand being a downer. I always enjoyed being a blue bouncing ball here on the forum, but when stuff around here started turning into some kind of sick telenovela, or something (starting with my sister's scary - now imprisoned - ex-boyfriend from hell, whom I mentioned before my disappearing act), unlike you stronger folks who I know could get over yourselves and continue to be a solid friend despite it all, I found myself looking at the options of permadowner or permafake, and I bailed. For what it's worth, I bailed in "real life", as well, not from my caretaking responsibilities, but from any and all relationships.
So, yeah... It's 3 AM, and I'm oversharing. When I cut and paste some of this over in REOville, the first nook of the forum I called home, I hope no one, here or there, takes this apology as any less sincere. Hula told me about Bivie, and I'm so very sorry that you all had to go through another major, major loss. I should have been here with you during that time, but I'm really good at stringing together "should haves" these days. Some friends I've made on ECF are as
real as any I've had (plus, the RL ones pretty much got the boot six or so years ago, when my ego couldn't take them witnessing Becky give way to Beckyblue - forgive the third person). If you know where to look, there are some honestly wonderful little communities of people here on ECF. I've missed many of your ups and downs and just enjoying your company, and, for now, I will mainly continue to. I hope to join you all and keep up with the thread again at some point soon, as a few more storms settle down or I just get a better grip, but - as nutty as it sounds - the fact is that I'm just not up to it yet.
So there's my downer start to what I hope is a lovely Sunday for each of you. Because I know the type of people you are, I won't feign "begging forgiveness" because, massive lousy jerk that I've been, I still know you'll all forgive me. So, ahead of time, thank you all for understanding and for offering me a chair and a hot tank of Huntman whenever I do come around
- Becky
Bridget totally agree one is different than 
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BECKY 
