I went to church a few times as a kid, we always had a Christmas tree and Easter eggs. I "believed" in God and I "believed" that Jesus came to earth, a really long time ago. If someone asked me what religion I was, I would answer "christian". Yep, I was a Christian.........because I wasn't a Jew, a Hindu, a Buddhist, and we celebrated Christmas and Easter, so I was a christian.
I had Jewish friends, they got presents several days in a row on Hanukkah, I got stuff on one day because I was Christian and they were Jewish. Sometimes I thought maybe I'd like to be Jewish so I could get more stuff.........but then again, Easter was really good, lots of candy, so I"ll stick with Christian I guess, cause it could be alot worse. Forget about the other religions, they didn't get anything, so christian was as good as it gets.
As I got older, I still called myself a Christian if anyone asked what religion I was. If someone had asked everyone to line up, I'd go stand in the Christian line because I wasn't a Jew, Hindu, Buddhist, so I was a Christian....I even went to church a few times a year as a kid, so that proved it because everybody knows that if you go to church, ever, you absolutely are a christian.
As I got older, into teens and young adult, I went wild. You know the 10 commandments? I broke every single one of them, some on a daily basis. My life consisted of partying, sex, drugs & rock and roll. My life consisted of getting as much pleasure as I could in a day. That was the daily goal, how much "fun" or "pleasure" could I find today for myself? And what do I have to do to get it? Remorse? I had none. Sin? Yea, sure.....whatever, that thought never even entered my mind. But, I was a Christian. Never prayed, thought about God, didn't even know who He was, but I could spot a picture of Jesus on a poster, so I was a christian!!!
Got a little older, married an ex-convict, but active drug dealer. But, I was still a christian. Got beat up many many many times until I finally had enough, and had a newborn baby before I finally realized that I have a serious responsibility, my kid, and I needed to do something to make sure that she had a chance at having a decent life. So..........I divorced, and started studying the bible with the jehovah's witnesses. I was even reading the bible and going to their meetings each week. I was a Christian.
Spent 7 years as a devout JW. I had a great relationship with the watchtower society, the elders at my kingdom hall, and my JW brothers and sisters. So, I was an awesome christian now! In fact, I was so awesome that I was a sheep and everyone else that was not a JW was a goat! Oh yea, I was a Christian!!!!!!!!!!! A very faithful one too, I went door to door, handed out the watchtower mags, and studied them faithfully, didn't smoke or do anything that I wasn't supposed to, and I rarely missed a meeting at the kingdom hall. I obeyed all of the rules. I was sooooooooooo awesome!
Then I eventually got sick of it and left. Couldn't keep up with all of those rules forever, and saw somethings that I just couldn't agree with, so that was the end of that. Once I was free from those chains, it was party time once again!!!!!!! Yeah, sex, drugs & music and whatever else "fun" I could find to do. Oh yea, I had a "great" time, and I was still a Christian.
Eventually married a good man, who was an agnostic jew. Religious labels didn't mean anything to me. So what? He was an agnostic jew and I was a christian.........no difference. We got along great! Lived a great life, full of all the good things this world has to offer, money, porn and sex. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous baby!!!!!!! I had it all! Life was good, and I was a Christian.
After a few years went by, I started thinking about the deeper things in life, like why am I here? What is the meaning of life? Should I actually be doing anything other then serving myself, my beautiful body, and decorating my beautiful home and driving my beautiful car? I mean, I know that God is real and all, like most people do you know. I even pray once in a while when I really need something, because after all, I"m a christian.
Then I came across a book that took me onto the path of "true spiritual enlightenment". It was a book that explained how to connect with my "higher self" and come to a real path of understanding my past lives, the reason I'm here, and my place in the universe. WOW!!!!!! This stuff was awesome, it was all about love and all wonderful things. I can even be like god because I live forever and keep coming back over and over again. Through meditation, I could connect with my spirit guides and learn the knowledge of the universe! Imagine that! Yes, I could help to transform the earth into a better place and spread fairy dust wherever I went, and I was now "enlightened". Now, at this point, I have surpassed being a christian. I'm even better then a christian, I'm ENLIGHTENED! I'm almost God-Like! I have the power to shape my whole life, those around me, and I"m full of love and light! I can have anything that I want if I meditate hard enough on it, the universe says so. I'm a highly evolved soul being, in a human body. I'm not a christian anymore, I'm a god! My own god!!!!!!! I decide what's right for me, and what isn't. There is no sin, only "misunderstanding" and "deeper understanding" in my own soul development. The Bible? Hahahahaha! That's for those pathetic stupid people who call themselves christians, but I'm so far past that now that it's not even funny. I actually feel sorry for those people, what a pathetic life they lead.
There was just one problem, and that "'problem" was Jesus. There came a point in my "soul development" where I had to reject Jesus as God because he was just my own spiritual brother and nothing more then that, and something buried deep inside me, couldn't do it. There was a line in front of me, standing in the way of my "soul development" and I couldn't cross it. All of my New Age friends tried to encourage me, helping me along my path of "enlightenment", but I couldn't do it. But why? It was no big deal, and if I just stepped over this line, I too could become like god. What's the problem with that? But, I just couldn't do it. Something inside me kept yelling out for me to stop. So, I did.
Who is this Jesus that kept me from "developing"? Time to find out for myself, and I started to pray. I prayed to God, whoever He was, to show me who He was. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Eventually I was moved to open my Bible and start reading, just a verse here and there. Kept praying, kept asking, because at this point, I didn't even know what I was anymore. Was I a christian? What was I, and who was He?????????? I really wanted to know, so I set out to find out.
Over the last year, I've made it my mission in life to find out who I was, and who He was. I was tired of failing to figure it out. It was about time I knew the truth, and I found the truth. FINALLY! That truth was right there, the whole time, and I had overlooked it my entire life. I was looking for more mystical things, more fun things, more glamorous things, more earthly things, while the simple truth was right there the whole time. The truth is in the Bible, and being a Christian means to have a deep personal relationship with Him, Jesus, King of King and Lord of Lords. Having a relationship with Him goes much deeper then just believing that He existed, even satan knows that. Being a Christian means loving Him more then you love yourself. It means following Him through your words, actions, and deepest thoughts. It means thinking of Him in everything that you do, every day of your life. It means wanting His will to be done, not your own will. It is rejecting yourself, and claiming Him. It's a deep relationship, deep friendship, deep adoration and worship that makes you love Him more then yourself and anything else. This is what makes a real Christian.
Today, I have an intimate relationship with Him, all by myself. I don't worship any church or organization, or myself. And examining my entire life, I realize that I am a sinner that is in desperate need of forgiveness and salvation through the only one who can give it, Jesus Christ.
To follow Jesus doesn't necessarily mean to follow all of His rules and fall into line as a military soldier, it means to Love Him with your whole heart and your whole soul. If you really love Him, really appreciate Him, the rest will follow. As a result of your love, admiration, and adoration, for Jesus, you will follow His commandments as you raise Him over yourself. To be a Christian means to lower yourself, humble yourself, denounce yourself, before Him and others. Humility and love are the key, without those 2 things you can't serve Him. It took me almost an entire lifetime to figure this out, with His help and guidance.
I was moved to write this today, I do not know why. I don't really care for sharing the personal details of my life with countless strangers who I don't even know, and some that will probably mock my story, openly or in secret. But, the urge to write it and post it were overwhelming so I did. Maybe someone reading this is on a similar path that I was at one time in my life, and this might help them to see something that they are might be missing. I was on many journey's that led to nowhere, and I didn't even know it. Narrow is the path that leads to life, and few will find it. Jesus's words always ring true to me, He is the only way to life.
What path are you on today? Is the road you're walking on today leading to nowhere? Do you call yourself a Christian, like I did, but your heart and life is somewhere else?
Many people aren't able to be completely honest with themselves, because to examine your own heart condition, without bias, is extremely difficult. But it will be more difficult when that day comes that you're standing before Him and your true heart is exposed for what it really is. To honestly acknowledge your own sin, and heart condition is the first step in coming before Him and asking forgiveness and allowing Him to change your life. Live for Him and Him alone, this is the key to everlasting life.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
I had Jewish friends, they got presents several days in a row on Hanukkah, I got stuff on one day because I was Christian and they were Jewish. Sometimes I thought maybe I'd like to be Jewish so I could get more stuff.........but then again, Easter was really good, lots of candy, so I"ll stick with Christian I guess, cause it could be alot worse. Forget about the other religions, they didn't get anything, so christian was as good as it gets.
As I got older, I still called myself a Christian if anyone asked what religion I was. If someone had asked everyone to line up, I'd go stand in the Christian line because I wasn't a Jew, Hindu, Buddhist, so I was a Christian....I even went to church a few times a year as a kid, so that proved it because everybody knows that if you go to church, ever, you absolutely are a christian.
As I got older, into teens and young adult, I went wild. You know the 10 commandments? I broke every single one of them, some on a daily basis. My life consisted of partying, sex, drugs & rock and roll. My life consisted of getting as much pleasure as I could in a day. That was the daily goal, how much "fun" or "pleasure" could I find today for myself? And what do I have to do to get it? Remorse? I had none. Sin? Yea, sure.....whatever, that thought never even entered my mind. But, I was a Christian. Never prayed, thought about God, didn't even know who He was, but I could spot a picture of Jesus on a poster, so I was a christian!!!
Got a little older, married an ex-convict, but active drug dealer. But, I was still a christian. Got beat up many many many times until I finally had enough, and had a newborn baby before I finally realized that I have a serious responsibility, my kid, and I needed to do something to make sure that she had a chance at having a decent life. So..........I divorced, and started studying the bible with the jehovah's witnesses. I was even reading the bible and going to their meetings each week. I was a Christian.
Spent 7 years as a devout JW. I had a great relationship with the watchtower society, the elders at my kingdom hall, and my JW brothers and sisters. So, I was an awesome christian now! In fact, I was so awesome that I was a sheep and everyone else that was not a JW was a goat! Oh yea, I was a Christian!!!!!!!!!!! A very faithful one too, I went door to door, handed out the watchtower mags, and studied them faithfully, didn't smoke or do anything that I wasn't supposed to, and I rarely missed a meeting at the kingdom hall. I obeyed all of the rules. I was sooooooooooo awesome!
Then I eventually got sick of it and left. Couldn't keep up with all of those rules forever, and saw somethings that I just couldn't agree with, so that was the end of that. Once I was free from those chains, it was party time once again!!!!!!! Yeah, sex, drugs & music and whatever else "fun" I could find to do. Oh yea, I had a "great" time, and I was still a Christian.
Eventually married a good man, who was an agnostic jew. Religious labels didn't mean anything to me. So what? He was an agnostic jew and I was a christian.........no difference. We got along great! Lived a great life, full of all the good things this world has to offer, money, porn and sex. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous baby!!!!!!! I had it all! Life was good, and I was a Christian.
After a few years went by, I started thinking about the deeper things in life, like why am I here? What is the meaning of life? Should I actually be doing anything other then serving myself, my beautiful body, and decorating my beautiful home and driving my beautiful car? I mean, I know that God is real and all, like most people do you know. I even pray once in a while when I really need something, because after all, I"m a christian.
Then I came across a book that took me onto the path of "true spiritual enlightenment". It was a book that explained how to connect with my "higher self" and come to a real path of understanding my past lives, the reason I'm here, and my place in the universe. WOW!!!!!! This stuff was awesome, it was all about love and all wonderful things. I can even be like god because I live forever and keep coming back over and over again. Through meditation, I could connect with my spirit guides and learn the knowledge of the universe! Imagine that! Yes, I could help to transform the earth into a better place and spread fairy dust wherever I went, and I was now "enlightened". Now, at this point, I have surpassed being a christian. I'm even better then a christian, I'm ENLIGHTENED! I'm almost God-Like! I have the power to shape my whole life, those around me, and I"m full of love and light! I can have anything that I want if I meditate hard enough on it, the universe says so. I'm a highly evolved soul being, in a human body. I'm not a christian anymore, I'm a god! My own god!!!!!!! I decide what's right for me, and what isn't. There is no sin, only "misunderstanding" and "deeper understanding" in my own soul development. The Bible? Hahahahaha! That's for those pathetic stupid people who call themselves christians, but I'm so far past that now that it's not even funny. I actually feel sorry for those people, what a pathetic life they lead.
There was just one problem, and that "'problem" was Jesus. There came a point in my "soul development" where I had to reject Jesus as God because he was just my own spiritual brother and nothing more then that, and something buried deep inside me, couldn't do it. There was a line in front of me, standing in the way of my "soul development" and I couldn't cross it. All of my New Age friends tried to encourage me, helping me along my path of "enlightenment", but I couldn't do it. But why? It was no big deal, and if I just stepped over this line, I too could become like god. What's the problem with that? But, I just couldn't do it. Something inside me kept yelling out for me to stop. So, I did.
Who is this Jesus that kept me from "developing"? Time to find out for myself, and I started to pray. I prayed to God, whoever He was, to show me who He was. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Eventually I was moved to open my Bible and start reading, just a verse here and there. Kept praying, kept asking, because at this point, I didn't even know what I was anymore. Was I a christian? What was I, and who was He?????????? I really wanted to know, so I set out to find out.
Over the last year, I've made it my mission in life to find out who I was, and who He was. I was tired of failing to figure it out. It was about time I knew the truth, and I found the truth. FINALLY! That truth was right there, the whole time, and I had overlooked it my entire life. I was looking for more mystical things, more fun things, more glamorous things, more earthly things, while the simple truth was right there the whole time. The truth is in the Bible, and being a Christian means to have a deep personal relationship with Him, Jesus, King of King and Lord of Lords. Having a relationship with Him goes much deeper then just believing that He existed, even satan knows that. Being a Christian means loving Him more then you love yourself. It means following Him through your words, actions, and deepest thoughts. It means thinking of Him in everything that you do, every day of your life. It means wanting His will to be done, not your own will. It is rejecting yourself, and claiming Him. It's a deep relationship, deep friendship, deep adoration and worship that makes you love Him more then yourself and anything else. This is what makes a real Christian.
Today, I have an intimate relationship with Him, all by myself. I don't worship any church or organization, or myself. And examining my entire life, I realize that I am a sinner that is in desperate need of forgiveness and salvation through the only one who can give it, Jesus Christ.
To follow Jesus doesn't necessarily mean to follow all of His rules and fall into line as a military soldier, it means to Love Him with your whole heart and your whole soul. If you really love Him, really appreciate Him, the rest will follow. As a result of your love, admiration, and adoration, for Jesus, you will follow His commandments as you raise Him over yourself. To be a Christian means to lower yourself, humble yourself, denounce yourself, before Him and others. Humility and love are the key, without those 2 things you can't serve Him. It took me almost an entire lifetime to figure this out, with His help and guidance.
I was moved to write this today, I do not know why. I don't really care for sharing the personal details of my life with countless strangers who I don't even know, and some that will probably mock my story, openly or in secret. But, the urge to write it and post it were overwhelming so I did. Maybe someone reading this is on a similar path that I was at one time in my life, and this might help them to see something that they are might be missing. I was on many journey's that led to nowhere, and I didn't even know it. Narrow is the path that leads to life, and few will find it. Jesus's words always ring true to me, He is the only way to life.
What path are you on today? Is the road you're walking on today leading to nowhere? Do you call yourself a Christian, like I did, but your heart and life is somewhere else?
Many people aren't able to be completely honest with themselves, because to examine your own heart condition, without bias, is extremely difficult. But it will be more difficult when that day comes that you're standing before Him and your true heart is exposed for what it really is. To honestly acknowledge your own sin, and heart condition is the first step in coming before Him and asking forgiveness and allowing Him to change your life. Live for Him and Him alone, this is the key to everlasting life.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
