Alpha, i believe you said you didnt want to take pain meds because you didnt want to feel like a zombie. What were you taking? For years i resisted taking pain meds for those same fears, but it got to the point where i couldnt funtion due to the pain. I now take a variety of meds that even for a few hours give me some relief. People like us need a break not just for the physical relief but also the mental. Dealing with pain 24/7 takes its toll on us and gives us no real quality of life. The meds give me a break to try to re-energize my body and my mind if only for a while which is better then nothing. I wont lie, there are negatives such as your body adapts to the meds and you may need higher doses in time, but the docs told me i wont get better, only worse as will the pain so i decided to take the chance and try to get some relief or lose my mind from trying to deal with this after 9 years. Sometimes the pain and aches are so bad nothing helps, but sometimes they do help. Try to find a reputable pain specialist, not one that just wants to dope you up, talk to them about your fears and if they are good they will work with you and try to find the right combination of meds that may help you. A reputable doc wont just load you up on pain killers and send you on your way. My heart goes out to you, i know what your going through, sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and try something, if it doesnt work for you, then at least you tried...hang in...Joe