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RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE (shortened version)
==============================================
For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think
you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough, you will
see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean,
and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's
from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get
a chuckle or two reading them once more.
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little
beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I
go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and
mine is in Texas.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
8. She got a mud-pack, and looked great for two days. Then the
mud fell off.
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to
interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's
on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'
Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it. These were
the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four
letter word... It was just clean and simple fun.... And he
always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless.'
==============================================
For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think
you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough, you will
see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean,
and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's
from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get
a chuckle or two reading them once more.
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little
beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I
go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and
mine is in Texas.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
8. She got a mud-pack, and looked great for two days. Then the
mud fell off.
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to
interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's
on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'
Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it. These were
the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four
letter word... It was just clean and simple fun.... And he
always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless.'
Loved Red Skelton!
As I am reading those, I am saying them in my head in his voice. I remember the "God Bless" at the end of his shows.
As I am reading those, I am saying them in my head in his voice. I remember the "God Bless" at the end of his shows.
DID I READ THAT SIGN RIGHT? 
In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.
In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.
In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD. Seriously?
Outside a second-hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR. Big car!!
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.
Since when? 
Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. 8-o
On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK. Of course not!
In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.
In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.
In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD. Seriously?
Outside a second-hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR. Big car!!
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.
Since when?
Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. 8-o
On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK. Of course not!
If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer's is a long long, way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.
And I've reached the end of the thread
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.
And I've reached the end of the thread
sorry I feel asleep for bout 2 hours and now the girls are home they've been at my folks house since tuesday night......
witch1 from deejstuff was so nice
I somehow missed their 50% off sale (if you spend $50) so she sent me a new code to use 12 new juices on their way
If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer's is a long long, way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.
And I've reached the end of the thread
Ha, I made it to the end as well.
Whew....considering my Dad has Alzheimer's. But glad my mind is still able to sort it out....sometimes.
Dale, I love it when you get bored.
Getting ready to heat up some leftovers.
Still not tired of them. Shad, good score on the joooz.
There's just no explaining why I was able to read that Dale. Bahahahaha [emoji193]
Alright Shadav!!! That's wonderful
they've been at my folks house since tuesday night......
witch1 from deejstuff was so nice
12 new juices on their way
Does this mean you like their juice?
Hey Lori!Ha, I made it to the end as well.
But glad my mind is still able to sort it out....sometimes.
Dale, I love it when you get bored.
Getting ready to heat up some leftovers.
I think I've already disproved the Alzheimers thing
Have some juice from a new company and couldn't remember what I used to test juice's with
Got out a brand new dripping atty I bought for my VMOD and afterwards remembered all my rebuildables I could just run cotton into
Of course there is Rat2 dear, you're a smart lady
they have good juice but the flavor is a bit lacking....even at 120% flavor....so this time i'm doing 200% flavor.....and who could say no to 50% off
one classy mix (yep created by or for classy is awesome and pure sex cheesecake is just as the name implies but again the flavor is just a bit lacking for my taste anyways....but even still good enough to get
one classy mix (yep created by or for classy
is awesome and pure sex cheesecake is just as the name implies but again the flavor is just a bit lacking for my taste anyways....but even still good enough to get
they have good juice but the flavor is a bit lacking....even at 120% flavor....so this time i'm doing 200% flavor.....and who could say no to 50% off
one classy mix (yep created by or for classy
Yeah, apparently Deej has a rather sensitive tongue; I normally get the 150 % load myself.
Never went with the 200%, seems a bit of "over-kill"
I am a bit all over the place, I figure that's common though. I'm in a different room right now, but I can post the flavors I have from them a bit later. I generally enjoy fruit flavors as well as mints and cinnamon. I like some flavors at low watts and others at 10x as high. I have basically stopped messing with tobacco related flavors. I enjoy drinking coffees, strong and mild... I have hated all but 1 coffee juice that I have tried.
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