Fantastic! So please if you like it!
I would be happy to, but that means also explaining my life leading up to what inspired the album. Is that okay?
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Music... To inspire your will to stay smober!
- Thread starter Cullin Kin
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Fantastic! So please if you like it!
I would be happy to, but that means also explaining my life leading up to what inspired the album. Is that okay?
Only what you feel comfortable sharing. To me, it brings new meaning to music to understand what created it.
It's actually quite a story. When I get a moment here pretty soon and I will take the time to write it. I must warn you though, I will be bearing my soul.
And to cuse I meant to say: FaNTastic! I'm so pleased to hear that you like it. Thank you for taking the time to listen! If you happen to pick up an album please let me know so I can thank you.
Okay, sorry it took me so long. So when I was 12, my parents got a divorce, all four of my grandparents passed, a good friend passed, and my dog (my best friend) got sick and was put down. I always knew the divorce was never my fault, however, something changed in me that year and set me on a dark and dangerous path. I began rebelling, not trying in school, changed my appearance drastically (punk), became massively depressed, and considered trying certain substances. They never really stuck until I hit high school, thats when the daily use of whats now legal in Colorado began.
For me, it was a definitely a gateway. I held all of this trauma in, never told anyone what I was feeling, and tried my best to pass off as stable. I was constantly trying to build and maintain this wall so that I didn't have to feel. Once I hit my junior year in HS, I was introduced to much harder substances and they took me, immediately. I was instantly hooked, and they took over my life. Somehow, I managed to scrape through HS while still achieving a decent GPA, but things were quickly deteriorating. Once I graduated high school, these things had completely taken over my life. I was debilitated. The depression, and endless cycle of trying to get more left me beyond repair.
I finally decided it was time to get well, so I went into treatment, graduated, stayed clean for just about a month, and thought I had it licked (probably the worst notion anyone like me could have). I immediately found that I was convincing myself I could use recreationally, that I could handle it, and I finally cracked. I went out and got some, and stupidly went back to the dose I was taking before I got clean for that month and my tolerance had been drastically reduced. Well, this caused me to OD, shortly after I had started driving. I lost consciousness and flipped my car on the highway at 70mph. The next thing I know I'm waking up in a hospital surrounded by 20 EMT's, doctors, and ER nurses. I immediately told them what happened so they knew how to treat me (medically), even with a police officer in the room (he issue me a DUI, as I deserved).
This was my awakening, I was killing myself. There is no scientific reason that I lived through that crash. I should have been dead, my car was a mangled nightmare. The first person to roll up on the accident was a registered nurse who just happened to be on her way to work. This occurred about a minute from a fire and ambulance station, and about a mile from the hospital where that nurse worked and I was taken. Those four things opened my eyes, something wanted me here. I have never been religious nor will I ever be, but I cannot deny that something greater than me kept me around. I immediately cleaned myself up, and enrolled in college. This is when I began writing music as a way to get things out, not hold them in any more.
I now have 3 years and 3 months clean from those substances and I was just admitted to a top 10 engineering school. I'll be majoring in Petroleum Engineering. Not to mention the album, the point of this thread!
The album is a musical representation of that 'Shift' in my life. A few of the songs have been wrapped in the guise that they're about girls, but that was marketing. They are truly a representation of this change in my life.
Well there it is, my life on a platter. All of that and I'm only 20 years old.
For me, it was a definitely a gateway. I held all of this trauma in, never told anyone what I was feeling, and tried my best to pass off as stable. I was constantly trying to build and maintain this wall so that I didn't have to feel. Once I hit my junior year in HS, I was introduced to much harder substances and they took me, immediately. I was instantly hooked, and they took over my life. Somehow, I managed to scrape through HS while still achieving a decent GPA, but things were quickly deteriorating. Once I graduated high school, these things had completely taken over my life. I was debilitated. The depression, and endless cycle of trying to get more left me beyond repair.
I finally decided it was time to get well, so I went into treatment, graduated, stayed clean for just about a month, and thought I had it licked (probably the worst notion anyone like me could have). I immediately found that I was convincing myself I could use recreationally, that I could handle it, and I finally cracked. I went out and got some, and stupidly went back to the dose I was taking before I got clean for that month and my tolerance had been drastically reduced. Well, this caused me to OD, shortly after I had started driving. I lost consciousness and flipped my car on the highway at 70mph. The next thing I know I'm waking up in a hospital surrounded by 20 EMT's, doctors, and ER nurses. I immediately told them what happened so they knew how to treat me (medically), even with a police officer in the room (he issue me a DUI, as I deserved).
This was my awakening, I was killing myself. There is no scientific reason that I lived through that crash. I should have been dead, my car was a mangled nightmare. The first person to roll up on the accident was a registered nurse who just happened to be on her way to work. This occurred about a minute from a fire and ambulance station, and about a mile from the hospital where that nurse worked and I was taken. Those four things opened my eyes, something wanted me here. I have never been religious nor will I ever be, but I cannot deny that something greater than me kept me around. I immediately cleaned myself up, and enrolled in college. This is when I began writing music as a way to get things out, not hold them in any more.
I now have 3 years and 3 months clean from those substances and I was just admitted to a top 10 engineering school. I'll be majoring in Petroleum Engineering. Not to mention the album, the point of this thread!
The album is a musical representation of that 'Shift' in my life. A few of the songs have been wrapped in the guise that they're about girls, but that was marketing. They are truly a representation of this change in my life.
Well there it is, my life on a platter. All of that and I'm only 20 years old.
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Some people never achieve such wisdom in a lifetime, let alone at your age.
May your strength and wisdom grow, and allow you to fulfil your every dream.
WOW - what a story. We can be our own worst enemy at times.
You got a second chance and you are definitely making the most of it. Congratulations on all you have accomplished, your future is going to be a bright one.
You got a second chance and you are definitely making the most of it. Congratulations on all you have accomplished, your future is going to be a bright one.
Thank you so much for trusting us with your story, it was powerful and moving.. I can now hear your true meaning in your music. And even though I don't know you, I feel proud that I got to meet such a dynamic individual. You are an inspiration and I hope you succeed in every turn of your life from this moment on.
I have purchased your album.
Thank you Cullin, that is a powerful story. Thank you for sharing and thank you for coming back from the edge. *HUGE HUGS* The honesty you showed after your accident and the honesty in your sharing of your story is profound and helped (and still helps) your recovery. I love your album even more now! 
What a story, thanks for sharing. I'm glad you survived. Just remember, past experiences are what make us what we are today. Congratulations on over 3 years of being clean & sober, one day at a time sure adds up. Take care bro and keep making the music...
btw, is it just me, or does it seem like NT has its fair share of addicted people in the family ?...
btw, is it just me, or does it seem like NT has its fair share of addicted people in the family ?...
I can't seem to figure out how to like anyone's post with this new system. Otherwise they would all be liked.
ETA: Figured it out.
Thank you Pictor, I really appreciate that! I've lived a lot so far but still have plenty to learn. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
Thank you Nanny! That means the world. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I took this second chance as a message that I was meant to do much much more than the path I was on. Second chances don't come often so it had to be embraced.
Penguiness, it's rare to find out exactly what is behind an artists music, and I know how much clarity it can bring to what you're listening to. Thank you for caring about my story and what was behind the music. Regardless of not truly knowing anyone closely in the NT family, I have trust for you all and knew that my story would be safe here. And thank you for picking up the album, I truly appreciate it.
Megan, if my story can help even one person then it is worth being shared. Thank you for caring and reading my story. And thanks again for picking up the album!
Mikeo, one day at a time is what it takes, for me. It sure does add up! Seems like you know about this subject. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. And yes, it does seem like there are many recovering addicts among us.
ETA: Figured it out.
Thank you Pictor, I really appreciate that! I've lived a lot so far but still have plenty to learn. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
Thank you Nanny! That means the world. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I took this second chance as a message that I was meant to do much much more than the path I was on. Second chances don't come often so it had to be embraced.
Penguiness, it's rare to find out exactly what is behind an artists music, and I know how much clarity it can bring to what you're listening to. Thank you for caring about my story and what was behind the music. Regardless of not truly knowing anyone closely in the NT family, I have trust for you all and knew that my story would be safe here. And thank you for picking up the album, I truly appreciate it.
Thank you Cullin, that is a powerful story. Thank you for sharing and thank you for coming back from the edge. *HUGE HUGS* The honesty you showed after your accident and the honesty in your sharing of your story is profound and helped (and still helps) your recovery. I love your album even more now!
Megan, if my story can help even one person then it is worth being shared. Thank you for caring and reading my story. And thanks again for picking up the album!
Mikeo, one day at a time is what it takes, for me. It sure does add up! Seems like you know about this subject. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. And yes, it does seem like there are many recovering addicts among us.
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Cullin, whether we are a chip holding member of a program or not we are ALL addicts, here is another part of recovery.
Cullin, whether we are a chip holding member of a program or not we are ALL addicts, here is another part of recovery.
That is very true! NA doesn't care about the substance involved, just what you're there to do about it.
I just think he was referring directly to what I was discussing in my post.
My nicotine addiction is nothing compared to my alcoholism as a teenager(I started drinking at 13 and was drunk for the first time 6 months later) or my coke addiction as an almost adult(I was 20 when I snorted my first line). I decided in 1998 that I didn't want to smoke anymore. I picked a date to quit and said ok, this is it. No patches, no gum, no medication...nothing! My mind was made up! I took a half pack of Marlboro Reds to my mom so not only would I have to walk to her house, I'd have to listen to her raise hell if I asked for them. I gave the pack to one of her neighbors 2 weeks later. I didn't smoke another cigarette! Didn't want it. Flash forward to 2005, my ex boyfriend and I started having problems. The stress at times was unbearable so I borrowed a cigarette from a friend and instant relief! I said only 1 and that lead to packs for the next 9 years. Everything else started working out with the ex but I was addicted to nicotine again. I knew this time it would be harder to quit. I can't take Chantix and I'm allergic to the adhesive in the patches and the gum is just plain nasty so vaping is/was the next best thing.
Not at all, Lynn! Thank you for sharing that -- it is amazing what the human spirit can endure and rise above. We may get down, but don't count us OUT. You are a very strong woman. You and Cullin have inspired us more than you know.
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