I was not expecting the past few days of "Events" which like, HAD I been expecting them I most probably would NOT have uh, allowed things to go down that way. It has been unpleasant.
In any case, my doc forgot to send in one of my meds to my pharmacy. Neurontin. I have been (mostly on) that sucker since 1999, back when they were snake oilsing it for everything, including bipolar dx. I must say, whenever I (tapered) off it my (best ever) pdoc was like, "IDK what it does for you Anna, but SOMETHING so just...take it." So I have been taking it pretty steadily for like, oh 10 years and in the course of events my pdoc has like gotten crankier AND more annoying an it has just been... bleugh.
So I ran out maybe 3-4 days ago? I had NO clue I have always tapered that stuff and like, IDK it's been awhile. I began plunging into this HORRIBLE detox which I swear to god is worse than benzos because while with benzos, yeah, you feel shaky, horrific, tragic and sad, AND AWAKE in a very bad way, but like, Neurontin also kills a lot of nerve pain (I guess) and inflammation (I guess) because it does ALL That, you hurt all over, and like, grow increasingly psychotic, unhappy and well, just all around messed up. I have been in and out of cold sweats for DAYS, I have been sleeping like hell, and have been feeling Not Good At All.
Yesterday I am totally SHOCKED I made it to work, because I have IC too, which is cured mainly only during Neurontin detox NOTHING is cured so I felt like that the entire time, only like if I had a bladder infection on top of it.
My doc is awfully strident about exiting his care, for someone who like, has done ZERO work to find me a new doctor and for someone who like, does not seem to understand the fact, HIS referral limitations do NOT end when I leave the state of AZ, in fact they are sort of EXTENDED. I think he thinks I am obstinately NOT seeing someone on purpose (and yea, I would prefer my doc FIND someone who can TREAT me) but like dude, I am dx SMI which is the worst thing you can be dx, it's actually ILLEGAL to just sort of wave "bye bye" and I think he magically thinks it's gonna happen. GOD only knows. I am gonna talk to my insurance company and to be fairly frank, I am not gonna see ANYONE who will just be like that.
God it's not as though I don't want to be off some of this medication. I actually have a TON more motivation to dump the benzos (my question to my doc: Since it is a capsule of 30 mg how would you suggest I TAPER that) well I'm fine, there. He told me to dissolve it. I think he made most of it up as his answer begins "I would imagine.... dissolve capsule, etc." But whatever, placebo it will be FINE.
By this point like I would happily come off any and ALL meds it is JUST some of them, I actually do need and while, once I am through detox, I may feel just fine with SOME, others not so much. Oy.
I haven't done much yet because I can't. These foreign concepts like "get up at 4 am and do yoga" well, they are freaky. I can't do those things. In fact, very shortly I am gonna have to send the husband to Walmart (I can't drive) and whatnot.
I doo seem to pooo.. I have never understood how that works with like, detox, maybe it's some "Thing" your body does but I have eating ONE meal in the past 24 hours, it's kind of getting bad and I am like THERE IS NO WAY I HAVE That kind of storage capacity dude. I do understand your intestines unwrapped will like go to the moon or back but STILL. Where is it coming from, even ONE, let alone, well, the MULITUDE of movement I seem to be involved in??? The body is a horrific mystery.
Need bath, husband says. I may listen to him I wish I was.... well basically I wish I FELT different.
Per husband the house was nice, but home built, and full of may Fatal Flaws, most of them things like the wrong outlets, water getting in and causing black mold and feline families living under the foundation. He said it was "pretty but irredeemable like it would take you 60K to EVEN get it FMLA ready.... but artistic in design." It made him "Sad" I was like, "I don't care so much," by then.
Currently, a dearth of houses but I do not care. I Caught up on this ENTIRE thread and at some point today (please God) I will be ah, ingesting some Neurontin and can get back to LIFE.
Intellectually I still like WV but I am not FEELING it at the moment. Although I bet I would feel bad everyplace. I mean, jail might be worse as in on hot bath I seem to be AVOIDING but meh....
Hope everyone feels better. Bath. Then, call my doc and freak. IF I don't get text.
Anna