The Joke Tread!

[whodat2112]

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth.
On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died.

 

[jj2]

Knock Knock. Who's there? Bass! Bass who? Bass the salt and pepper please!

 

[P0P]

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth.
On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died.

looking up

 

[P0P]

Bless you all i have really enjoyed this, but I must hit the hay good night and have fun

 

[jj2]

Knock knock Who's there Gorilla Gorilla who Gorilla me a hamburger

 

[whodat2112]

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I had amnesia once or twice

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment
somewhere

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?"

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it
was none of my business.

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.

 

[P0P]

some how i will think about some kind of random prizes having a good laugh is like medicine we can all often use

 

[whodat2112]

I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said,
"Don't I know you?"

I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I
can ride a unicycle.

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often
I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a
woman in Madagascar. She said, "Cut it out."

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box.
I was an only child....eventually.

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes.

 

[whodat2112]

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered
French Toast during the Renaissance.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said,
"Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so...
he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are
furious!

 

[jj2]

Knock knock Who's there Bee Bee who? Bee-itching out

 

[whodat2112]

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I went to a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck. Don’t go see doctor Acula.

They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime, but I tried to make it at home. There’s more to it than that.

I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.

One time a guy handed me a picture, he said “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture of you is when you were younger.

I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations I’ve traveled to, but first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won’t fall down.

Mr. Pibb is the replica of Dr Pepper. But it’s the bull replica because dude didn’t even get his degree!

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus… or a really cool opotamus?

I bought myself a parrot, the parrot talked, but it did not say “I’m hungry”… so it died.

I saw on HBO they were advertising this boxing match, it said “It’s a fight to the finish”… that’s a good place to end.

I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.

 

[jj2]

Knock knock Who's there Roof Roof who? I had a roof day

 

[jj2]

Knock knock Who's there Who? Who Who? Yo Bro, I Didn't Know You Spoke Owl.

 

[jj2]

Knock Knock Who's there? Oink Oink! Oink Oink Who? Make Up Your Mind...Are You A Pig Or An Owl

 

[jj2]

Knock Knock. Who's there? Alligator! Alligator who? Alligator for her birthday was a card!

 

[jj2]

Knock Knock Who's there? Thumpin! Thumping who? Thumping green and slimy is climbing up your back!

 

[Cloud Junky]

I just ordered my hana modz DNA30 Clone and was put on a six month waiting list...

Just kidding!

 

[jj2]

Knock Knock Who's there ! Granny, knock, knock! Who's there ! Granny, knock, knock!
Knock Knock Who's there ! Granny, knock, knock! Who's there ! Granny, knock, knock! Aunt ! Aunt who ? Aunt you glad Granny's gone ?

 

[jj2]

Me: "Knock knock." Friend: "Who's there?" Me: "Well not your parents because they don't knock."

 

[jj2]

Knock knock Who’s there? Grandad Crap! Stop the funeral!