- Status
Ok I read this and I'm feeling like a loser because none of my friends ever send me jokes in emails. Then this morning I open an email from one of the ladies I play poker with once a month and it contained the following joke. Weeee I'm not a loser
Sex with a Cowboy
Prior to her trip to Texas , Buffy (a blonde New Yorker), confided to her co-workers she had three goalsfor her trip to the Lone Star State ;
1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.
2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo...And...
3. She wanted to have sex with a local cowboy.
Upon returning, the girls were curiousas to how she fared.
'Let me tell you, they have a bush down there called aMesquite and when they slow cook the brisket overthatMesquite wood it's ooooh so good.The taste isunbelievable!'
'And I went to a real rodeo.Talk aboutathletes...Those guys wrestle full grown bulls! Theyride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horsesand grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is justincredible!'
Then came the big question,
'Well tell us, did you have sex witha real cowboy?'
'Are you kidding?When I saw the size of thecondoms they carry in their back pockets I changed my mind!'
http://shadowmajik.com/.....jpg
Brought to you by:
Ok was going for multi-quoting but that would've taken up 5 pages on its own!
NUT! LOL at the blonde jokes! Val was reading them off to me while we'were driving and I was just dying! I KNEW that it had to come from you!
Tina! Those football jokes are sooooooooo freakishly true!!! Oh my god, going down to the south, all you hear is about HS football!
WWay LOL Your not a loser! There's a member here who has been on ecf for over a year, his postcount is only 120, and each one of those posts are so strong and meaningful, they're worth about a million. The same way as your joke mail! lol
NUT! LOL at the blonde jokes! Val was reading them off to me while we'were driving and I was just dying! I KNEW that it had to come from you!
Tina! Those football jokes are sooooooooo freakishly true!!! Oh my god, going down to the south, all you hear is about HS football!
WWay LOL Your not a loser! There's a member here who has been on ecf for over a year, his postcount is only 120, and each one of those posts are so strong and meaningful, they're worth about a million. The same way as your joke mail! lol
So two guy friends have been out drinking late again for the fourth time that week. The one guy, single and young asks his friend, a little older and married, "How on earth to you sneak into you house, quietly get undressed, silently slip into bed without waking your wife up and catching a lot of Shxt while in your drunken stupor??? The married man replies, "its easy. I run the car into the garage door, loads of bumping around, fall a few times getting up the stairs hooting and hollering the whole time, lmaybe vomit in the toilet, loudly fall into the bed, reach over and slap my wife on the ... and say "How bout some Honey?", well you can't believe how quickly she rolls over, grabbing the covers and pretends to be fast asleep!
This was on my facebook this morning... lol
For all those men who say "Why marry the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here's an update for you! Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage,why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just for a little sausage !!!!!!
For all those men who say "Why marry the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here's an update for you! Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage,why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just for a little sausage !!!!!!
One Sunday, while counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada . He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada . He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
Jon was not feeling so good and his stomach was really hurting him. So he thought he would go to bed and hopefully he would feel better in the morning. He closed his eyes and when he opened them he was walking around on a farm and realized that he was a chicken. He loved it was flapping his wings and jumping all over. All of a sudden his stomach started to hurt so bad and
Didn’t know what was going on and the roster came over and said what’s wrong? “My stomach
Hurts” he said “that’s cause you have to lay a egg” so he pushed and pushed and out came a egg.
He was so happy because he experienced motherhood and started to cry. Then he felt it again and
Out came another egg. All of a sudden his wife smacked him in his face and screamed “ JON WAKE UP YOU JUST SOILED THE BED”
Didn’t know what was going on and the roster came over and said what’s wrong? “My stomach
Hurts” he said “that’s cause you have to lay a egg” so he pushed and pushed and out came a egg.
He was so happy because he experienced motherhood and started to cry. Then he felt it again and
Out came another egg. All of a sudden his wife smacked him in his face and screamed “ JON WAKE UP YOU JUST SOILED THE BED”
aw gross!! LOL... that was a good one!Jon was not feeling so good and his stomach was really hurting him. So he thought he would go to bed and hopefully he would feel better in the morning. He closed his eyes and when he opened them he was walking around on a farm and realized that he was a chicken. He loved it was flapping his wings and jumping all over. All of a sudden his stomach started to hurt so bad and
Didnt know what was going on and the roster came over and said whats wrong? My stomach
Hurts he said thats cause you have to lay a egg so he pushed and pushed and out came a egg.
He was so happy because he experienced motherhood and started to cry. Then he felt it again and
Out came another egg. All of a sudden his wife smacked him in his face and screamed JON WAKE UP YOU JUST SOILED THE BED
HMMMMM?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
If you take a Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald
man?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time
it was to set it to?
Which is the other side of the street?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
If you take a Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald
man?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time
it was to set it to?
Which is the other side of the street?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"
here's one that was on my facebook this morning...
"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...and you finish off as an orgasm."
lol... have a great day everyone!
"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...and you finish off as an orgasm."
lol... have a great day everyone!
Marriage or Relationship
With a Significant Other...
With a Significant Other...
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's
then adopt a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour,
for as long and wherever you want...
then adopt a dog.
then adopt a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies
..then adopt a dog.
If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to
warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores.
..then adopt a dog!
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves
you unconditionally, perpetually ..
you unconditionally, perpetually ..
..then adopt a dog.
BUT, on the other hand,
if you want someone who will never come when you call,
ignores you totally when you come home,
leaves hair all over the place,
walks all over you,
runs around all night,
and only comes home to eat and sleep,
and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness.....
.
.
.
..then adopt a cat!
..then adopt a cat!
You thought I was gonna say marry a man, didn't you?
!
You...
....have a GREAT Day!!!
You...
....have a GREAT Day!!!
Val-I agree-I vote for the life in reverse route!!!!
Woodslady1-Had a cat for 9 years-may he RIP. I adore me some kitties!!! Get a cat, keep life simple.
Woodslady1-Had a cat for 9 years-may he RIP. I adore me some kitties!!! Get a cat, keep life simple.
- Status
Similar threads
