Today's Laugh

[woodslady1]

Woodslady1-Had a cat for 9 years-may he RIP. I adore me some kitties!!! Get a cat, keep life simple.

Tina, I'm so sorry for your loss. I still miss ones who are waiting at the bridge for me . We do have two gorgeous exotic shorthairs, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world (possibly not even for hubby of 33 years if it came down to it! )

(ahem, Isaac??...I apologize for derailing this into a cat thread!!!)

 

[Iken]

Ah Miss Tina, Woodslady is the Mom I never had.
She's a huge cat lover and definitely Not a dog lover lol
From her post above, she'll trade a dog any day for her lovely kitties!

 

[woodslady1]

Ah Miss Tina, Woodslady is the Mom I never had.
She's a huge cat lover and definitely Not a dog lover lol
From her post above, she'll trade a dog any day for her lovely kitties!

You're too sweet, Kiddo! Wait a second...reading that post of yours again...are you calling hubby a dog???? lol

 

[Thyestean]

The Polite Way To Pee


During one of her daily classes,
a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked one of her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute,
I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying,
"That would be rude and impolite..

What about you Sherman, how would
you say it?"

Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right
back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice
to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

"I would say, 'Darling, may I please be
excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'"

The teacher fainted...

 

[HzG8rGrl]

Lol-hahahaha

 

[HzG8rGrl]

Tina, I'm so sorry for your loss. I still miss ones who are waiting at the bridge for me . We do have two gorgeous exotic shorthairs, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world (possibly not even for hubby of 33 years if it came down to it! )

(ahem, Isaac??...I apologize for derailing this into a cat thread!!!)

Such gorgeous cats you have woodslady1!!!! Mine was a blue tip persian. I am stunned I cannot locate a photo of him. Must be on a disk somewhere. When I locate them I will post.

 

[woodslady1]

Such gorgeous cats you have woodslady1!!!! Mine was a blue tip persian. I am stunned I cannot locate a photo of him. Must be on a disk somewhere. When I locate them I will post.

Thanks so much, Tina, they truly are my babies and I'm so proud to show them off any chance I get. They're like naughty little children and still act like clowns even though the youngest is five years old already. I hope you find that picture of your little guy...blue tip Persians are soooo fabulous, and I can't wait to see him!

Oh, please call me Woody...everyone does. I get confused when that 'lady' part gets added on, and my neck gets sore from turning to look behind me to see who's there that they're talking to! 8-o

 

[Iken]

Redneck Logic
Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"

The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"

 

[Thyestean]

lol nice.
____

 

[skydragon]

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?” The 94-year-old yells back, “I don't know. I'll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses “Was I going up the stairs or down?” The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.” She then yells, “I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.”

 

[Thyestean]

cute dragon lady

 

[5cardstud]

Mrs. Iken, That was a good one, Now I know why my old girlfriends always called me a pig.

 

[WitchWay]

Great stuff! A good laugh is always appreciated I absolutely love redneck jokes! I am Texan and have redneck neighbors LOL For example my next door neighbor brought home a wild bore he had shot, hmmm at least I think he shot it, might have been road kill, not totally sure. Anyway he strung it up from the tree in his front yard and skinned and cleaned it right there. I looked at hubby and said "we really really need to move now"

 

[Iken]

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?” The 94-year-old yells back, “I don't know. I'll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses “Was I going up the stairs or down?” The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.” She then yells, “I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.”

Lol oh grandma She had gotten herself lost a few days ago. All is well now though. Just something to look forward to, i guess.

Great stuff! A good laugh is always appreciated I absolutely love redneck jokes! I am Texan and have redneck neighbors LOL For example my next door neighbor brought home a wild bore he had shot, hmmm at least I think he shot it, might have been road kill, not totally sure. Anyway he strung it up from the tree in his front yard and skinned and cleaned it right there. I looked at hubby and said "we really really need to move now"

LOL I can see you saying "Yep, it's time to hit the ol' dusty trail"

 

[WitchWay]

LOL I can see you saying "Yep, it's time to hit the ol' dusty trail"

LOL I do have a pretty good Texas twang and I do say things like shor nuff darlin', fix'n to, oh and if'n ya unt to

So today's humor is courtesy of mother nature... We are 1 day into spring and it's 26 degrees out with a few inches of snow on the ground and more still falling. Gotta love Texas! So this must be a good time for some beach humor

 

[Thyestean]

NEVER CHEAT ON A COUNTRY WOMAN!

A Country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with other woman. With super-human strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn. She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly and removed the handle.

Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw.

The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, "Stop ! Stop ! You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said......
"Nope....You are! I'm gonna burn down the Barn!!!"

 

[Electricnut]

That will "fix" him.

 

[WitchWay]

NEVER CHEAT ON A COUNTRY WOMAN!

A Country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with other woman. With super-human strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn. She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly and removed the handle.

Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw.

The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, "Stop ! Stop ! You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said......
"Nope....You are! I'm gonna burn down the Barn!!!"

I just recently watched all the Saw movies and that's a Jigsaw joke if I ever heard one LOL

 

[grimmer255]

NEVER CHEAT ON A COUNTRY WOMAN!

A Country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with other woman. With super-human strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn. She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly and removed the handle.

Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw.

The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, "Stop ! Stop ! You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said......
"Nope....You are! I'm gonna burn down the Barn!!!"

I was laughing so hard it brought tears to my eyes.
that must have been some woman to make the man saw off his own man hood and then burn down the barn....

 

[Kimmyw]

CAR TROUBLE


A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died..

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"