@HzG8rGrl I didn't realize Gator Fans could be funny....
you know you are one of my faves
you know you are one of my faves
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Hey, Hey-LGD! Good to see ya hangin' 'round.
Full gator tummy makes for a calm gator-LL
Full gator tummy makes for a calm gator-LL
Guy’s in a bar – sloppy drunk – falls off his barstool, tries to climb back on – falls again – winds up crawling out onto the sidewalk. Tries to stand up using a light post – falls again. Hails a cab and just crawls into the back. Gets home, gets out and falls again. Tries for a minute to get up but finally says, “To hell with it,” and just crawls inside and goes to bed. Next morning, his wife says, “You went out and got all drunk last night, didn’t you?” He says, “No, no…nothing of the sort.” Wife says, “Yeah you did – the bar called; you forgot your wheelchair – again.”
This couple had identical twins.
These twins were identical in every way except that one was a complete optimist and one was a complete pessimist.
It was the twins birthday and after years of putting up with this pessimist/optimist dynamic, the couple decided they were going to do something to change this.
In the pessimists room they put all the birthday gifts they had bought for both of the twins. Their thinking was that the pessimist should be able to find something positive about that.
On the morning of their birthday, the couple went into the pessimists room and there he was in the middle of room crying.
They exclaimed "Why are you crying? We got you all these gifts!"
The pessimist twin replied "You gave me a skateboard and I'll probably fall down and break my arm. You gave me a set of 25 different colors of sharpies and they'll probably break and ruin my clothes". 8-o
The couple just slammed the door and went to the optimists room.
Now in this room, they had placed a huge pile of horse manure thinking that the optimist must certainly find something bad about this.
When they looked inside the room, the optimist twin was furiously digging in the pile of manure.
The couple shouted "What are you doing?"
The optimist replied "Well, with all of this here, there has to be a horse somewhere." 8-o
These twins were identical in every way except that one was a complete optimist and one was a complete pessimist.
It was the twins birthday and after years of putting up with this pessimist/optimist dynamic, the couple decided they were going to do something to change this.
In the pessimists room they put all the birthday gifts they had bought for both of the twins. Their thinking was that the pessimist should be able to find something positive about that.
On the morning of their birthday, the couple went into the pessimists room and there he was in the middle of room crying.
They exclaimed "Why are you crying? We got you all these gifts!"
The pessimist twin replied "You gave me a skateboard and I'll probably fall down and break my arm. You gave me a set of 25 different colors of sharpies and they'll probably break and ruin my clothes". 8-o
The couple just slammed the door and went to the optimists room.
Now in this room, they had placed a huge pile of horse manure thinking that the optimist must certainly find something bad about this.
When they looked inside the room, the optimist twin was furiously digging in the pile of manure.
The couple shouted "What are you doing?"
The optimist replied "Well, with all of this here, there has to be a horse somewhere." 8-o
I thought this was too cute not to share.
It's always the kids who suffer!
awwww!! i think he's cute!!!
Last year a blond replaced all the windows in her house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. She got a call from the Contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed over a year ago and she still hadn't paid for them. She said, "Look, just because I'm blond doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid." She explained that his fast talking sales guy had told her last year, particularly that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves and, "Helllooooo? It's been a year!"
New password requirement:
During a recent password audit at a company, it was found that a
blonde receptionist was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was
told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least
one capital.
During a recent password audit at a company, it was found that a
blonde receptionist was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was
told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least
one capital.
TOP TEN REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED...
1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ... in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
5. You want to see if it's like the dream.
6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
10. No one steals your chair.
1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ... in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
5. You want to see if it's like the dream.
6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
10. No one steals your chair.
A crusty old man walks into the local First Baptist Church and says to
the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform
him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not
have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir,
what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million
bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid
of some of this damn money."
"I see," said the pastor. "And is this b**ch giving you a hard time?"
the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform
him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not
have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir,
what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million
bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid
of some of this damn money."
"I see," said the pastor. "And is this b**ch giving you a hard time?"
I though this would help you in the future to select passwords.....
During a recent password audit at the Bank of Ireland it was found that
Paddy O'Toole was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin
When Paddy was asked why he had such a long password: he replied
''Bejazus! are yez bloody stupid? Oi was told me password had to be at
least 8 characters long and include one capital''
During a recent password audit at the Bank of Ireland it was found that
Paddy O'Toole was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin
When Paddy was asked why he had such a long password: he replied
''Bejazus! are yez bloody stupid? Oi was told me password had to be at
least 8 characters long and include one capital''
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg?
Irene.
Where does a woman with one leg work?
IHOP
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter; he won’t come to you anyway.
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take him for a drag.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idear
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still, no idear
What sound does a cow with no lips make?
Oooooooo
Eileen.
What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg?
Irene.
Where does a woman with one leg work?
IHOP
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter; he won’t come to you anyway.
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take him for a drag.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idear
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still, no idear
What sound does a cow with no lips make?
Oooooooo
A blonde brunette and a redhead applied to joinm the olympic swim team. The were instructed to do two laps across the pool doing the breast stroke. They all started across together, but the other two girls quickly out distanced the blonde. When she finally finished her swim she went to the team trainer, and asked how she did. He said you were a full half hour behind the other two. Why would you think you have a chance on this team? She replied they cheated, they used their arms.
Can't decide if this fits better here or the joke music thread... so we'll put it in both 
This has always given me a good laugh...
YouTube - Lazyboy - Underwear Goes Inside The Pants
This has always given me a good laugh...
YouTube - Lazyboy - Underwear Goes Inside The Pants
An elderly couple are attending church services.
About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.
It says, " I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
He scribbles back , " Put a new battery in your hearing aid.."
About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.
It says, " I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
He scribbles back , " Put a new battery in your hearing aid.."
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