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This one may be appropriate right now for some.....
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his blonde wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later, while they are eating breakfast, the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.
Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his blonde wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later, while they are eating breakfast, the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.
Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Thanks for all the laughs! I really needed that. It's really been one of those days. Great thread, keep it up. I'm laying in bed (bad back) wife come's running up the steps thinking I lost it and was laughing at myself.
LOl Jl! I hope those relaxers kick in!
0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really .......
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really .......
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
I feel for ya!! I've def been there before...leg pain and numb toes to boot!! Hope ya feel better soon!!!
The missionary came to the newly discovered island to convert the natives to Chistianity. In order to do that he needed to teach them english. While walking through the jungle with the Chief of the tribe they would encounter various things.
Missionary: Pointing to a tree, he said to the Chief, "Tree!"
Chief: "Mindoughoo"
The missionary shook his head and said, "No... No Chief, this is a 'Tree'."
Cheif: "Ttrreeee"
Missionary: Beaming with delight, "Yes, that's right, 'tree'"
Missionare: A little farther along, points to a stream, touches the water and says, "Water!"
Chief: "Driigil"
Missionary: Shakes his head and says, "Water!"
Chief: "Waaaterrrr"
Missionary: Beaming proudly, "Yes, Cheif, that is right, Water!"
They walk out into a clearing and there in the sunshine is a young native couple making love. The missionary is very imbarassed and stamers, "Oh, ahh, err, riding a bicyle."
The Chief pulls out his blow gun and shoots the young couple dead.
The missionary is shocked and screams, "My word, Cheif, why would you do that?"
Cheif: "Riding MY bicyle."
Missionary: Pointing to a tree, he said to the Chief, "Tree!"
Chief: "Mindoughoo"
The missionary shook his head and said, "No... No Chief, this is a 'Tree'."
Cheif: "Ttrreeee"
Missionary: Beaming with delight, "Yes, that's right, 'tree'"
Missionare: A little farther along, points to a stream, touches the water and says, "Water!"
Chief: "Driigil"
Missionary: Shakes his head and says, "Water!"
Chief: "Waaaterrrr"
Missionary: Beaming proudly, "Yes, Cheif, that is right, Water!"
They walk out into a clearing and there in the sunshine is a young native couple making love. The missionary is very imbarassed and stamers, "Oh, ahh, err, riding a bicyle."
The Chief pulls out his blow gun and shoots the young couple dead.
The missionary is shocked and screams, "My word, Cheif, why would you do that?"
Cheif: "Riding MY bicyle."
Dear mum,
I am writing you this note to say that I haven't been honest to you lately.
I have a boyfriend, his name is Dragon and he lives in a trailer in the woods he wears biker clothes and deals Ecstasy.
I am moving in with him and I am four months pregnant.
His friends will come over all the time so I can get a little frisky with them.
We will make a living out of growing drugs and selling them to Dragons friends as are both already drug addicts, we will live a life of drugs beer and all the sex.
Wish us luck
Katie
P.S.
I am at the neighbors house, all of the above was a lie I just wanted to let you know there are worse things in life than my report card which is in the top drawer.
I am writing you this note to say that I haven't been honest to you lately.
I have a boyfriend, his name is Dragon and he lives in a trailer in the woods he wears biker clothes and deals Ecstasy.
I am moving in with him and I am four months pregnant.
His friends will come over all the time so I can get a little frisky with them.
We will make a living out of growing drugs and selling them to Dragons friends as are both already drug addicts, we will live a life of drugs beer and all the sex.
Wish us luck
Katie
P.S.
I am at the neighbors house, all of the above was a lie I just wanted to let you know there are worse things in life than my report card which is in the top drawer.
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
Spell Checker
I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.
I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.
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