Caliwood, Hollyfornia
Some day of the year
United States and part of West Virginia
Dear Nephew,
As I have time because I ain’t so busy, I thought I would write you a few lines, 8 or 10 pages, and let you know the up-to-date news about 6 months old. We are all as well as can be expected for the condition we’re in. We ain’t sick, we just don’t feel well. I’m feeling fine, Aunt Martha is dead, and I hope this letter finds you the same. I suppose you will want to hear about us moving from W. Va. to Caliwood, Hollyfornia. We never started moving until we left, never turned off until we came to a crossroad and stayed on the road that went there. It didn’t take us any longer than the time we started to the time we arrived. The trip was the best part of it. If you ever come out here don’t miss that. They didn’t expect us until we got here and most of the people we were acquainted with we knew, and the people we didn’t know seemed like strangers. We still live in the same place we moved to which is beside our nearest neighbors across the road from the other side. John says he thinks we will stay here until we move or go somewhere else. We are very busy farming. We have three cows, but are going to sell one because we can’t milk him. Eggs are a good price, that’s why they are so high. I sure hope we get a lot of them. We just bought twenty-five roosters and one old hen. Some of the ground is so poor we can’t raise an umbrella on it, but we have a fine crop of potatoes. Some the size of a hickory nut, some the size of BB’s and then we have a whole lot of little ones. We also have a fine crop of corn. I think we will make about 50 gallons to the acre. Some worms got in our corn last year but we just fished them out and drank it anyway. Our romance started with a gallon of corn and ended with a full crib. Mary was taking the cows to water them and when they went across the bridge one fell through and strained her milk. Now she gets the hiccups once a week and churns her own butter. The dog died last week. John said he swallowed a tape line and died by the inches. Mary said he went up the back alley and died by the yard, but June said he crawled up under the bed and died by the foot. My mother-in-law is sick and near death’s door. We sure hope the doctor can pull her through it. June fell off the back porch. It bruised her summer hat and skinned her back end. Alice got the mumps and is having a swell time. The baby swallowed a roll of camera film but I don’t think anything will develop. Every time John gets sick he starts to feeling bad. The doctor gave him some medicine and said if he gets better it might help him and if he didn’t get any worse he would feel about the same. I think he has paralysis. John and Alice went swimming last week, John lost his pants and had to take poor Alice’s. Mary has a garter in her stomach. The doctor said she’s been drinking too much soda pop and they moved up on her. Every time Grandpa gets a toothache his foot starts hurting and it won’t stop hurting until it stops aching. I would have sent you the five dollars I owe you but I already had this letter sealed before I thought about it. I sent you the overcoat I borrowed but I had to cut the buttons off so it wouldn’t be so heavy. You will find them in the left pocket. We are out of jelly so I sent John to New York to get some traffic jam. I’m putting your address inside the envelope so it won’t rub off. I must close now. If you don’t get this letter in time to read it let me know and I will mail it to you. If you can’t read my writing, make a copy of it and read your own. It took me 3 days to write this letter as you are such a slow reader. Write me if it is nothing but a check.
P.S. I would like to describe our new house. We now live in a house where everything is modern. We have a kitchen, living room, dining room and 2 bedrooms. And then there is one little room upstairs we just found last week. It’s got a thing in it that looks like what we used to water the horses out of, only a little more fancy. Then there is a little white thing about three feet tall with hot and cold water, but it wasn’t any good, it had a hole in it. Then there was another thing over in the corner that was the handiest thing in the house. You could put one foot down in it, wash it all over and then press a little lever and you had clean water for the other foot. Grandpa went to get a drink from it and the lid fell down and hit his head so hard it knocked both his teeth out. It has two lids on it. Mom took the solid lid off and she rolls pie dough on that one. One lid has a hole in it so we framed Grandpa’s picture in it. Everybody says it looks as natural as if he was sitting right there.
End
Some day of the year
United States and part of West Virginia
Dear Nephew,
As I have time because I ain’t so busy, I thought I would write you a few lines, 8 or 10 pages, and let you know the up-to-date news about 6 months old. We are all as well as can be expected for the condition we’re in. We ain’t sick, we just don’t feel well. I’m feeling fine, Aunt Martha is dead, and I hope this letter finds you the same. I suppose you will want to hear about us moving from W. Va. to Caliwood, Hollyfornia. We never started moving until we left, never turned off until we came to a crossroad and stayed on the road that went there. It didn’t take us any longer than the time we started to the time we arrived. The trip was the best part of it. If you ever come out here don’t miss that. They didn’t expect us until we got here and most of the people we were acquainted with we knew, and the people we didn’t know seemed like strangers. We still live in the same place we moved to which is beside our nearest neighbors across the road from the other side. John says he thinks we will stay here until we move or go somewhere else. We are very busy farming. We have three cows, but are going to sell one because we can’t milk him. Eggs are a good price, that’s why they are so high. I sure hope we get a lot of them. We just bought twenty-five roosters and one old hen. Some of the ground is so poor we can’t raise an umbrella on it, but we have a fine crop of potatoes. Some the size of a hickory nut, some the size of BB’s and then we have a whole lot of little ones. We also have a fine crop of corn. I think we will make about 50 gallons to the acre. Some worms got in our corn last year but we just fished them out and drank it anyway. Our romance started with a gallon of corn and ended with a full crib. Mary was taking the cows to water them and when they went across the bridge one fell through and strained her milk. Now she gets the hiccups once a week and churns her own butter. The dog died last week. John said he swallowed a tape line and died by the inches. Mary said he went up the back alley and died by the yard, but June said he crawled up under the bed and died by the foot. My mother-in-law is sick and near death’s door. We sure hope the doctor can pull her through it. June fell off the back porch. It bruised her summer hat and skinned her back end. Alice got the mumps and is having a swell time. The baby swallowed a roll of camera film but I don’t think anything will develop. Every time John gets sick he starts to feeling bad. The doctor gave him some medicine and said if he gets better it might help him and if he didn’t get any worse he would feel about the same. I think he has paralysis. John and Alice went swimming last week, John lost his pants and had to take poor Alice’s. Mary has a garter in her stomach. The doctor said she’s been drinking too much soda pop and they moved up on her. Every time Grandpa gets a toothache his foot starts hurting and it won’t stop hurting until it stops aching. I would have sent you the five dollars I owe you but I already had this letter sealed before I thought about it. I sent you the overcoat I borrowed but I had to cut the buttons off so it wouldn’t be so heavy. You will find them in the left pocket. We are out of jelly so I sent John to New York to get some traffic jam. I’m putting your address inside the envelope so it won’t rub off. I must close now. If you don’t get this letter in time to read it let me know and I will mail it to you. If you can’t read my writing, make a copy of it and read your own. It took me 3 days to write this letter as you are such a slow reader. Write me if it is nothing but a check.
P.S. I would like to describe our new house. We now live in a house where everything is modern. We have a kitchen, living room, dining room and 2 bedrooms. And then there is one little room upstairs we just found last week. It’s got a thing in it that looks like what we used to water the horses out of, only a little more fancy. Then there is a little white thing about three feet tall with hot and cold water, but it wasn’t any good, it had a hole in it. Then there was another thing over in the corner that was the handiest thing in the house. You could put one foot down in it, wash it all over and then press a little lever and you had clean water for the other foot. Grandpa went to get a drink from it and the lid fell down and hit his head so hard it knocked both his teeth out. It has two lids on it. Mom took the solid lid off and she rolls pie dough on that one. One lid has a hole in it so we framed Grandpa’s picture in it. Everybody says it looks as natural as if he was sitting right there.
End
