Today's Laugh

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Electricnut

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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
 

Thyestean

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LOL @ Thy and Nico then Thy some more! Ahh these threads are needed!

Agreed :thumb:

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her .... that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

(Rednecks know how to get'r done).

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and ...... today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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x 3


You'll never guess what they're selling here...:D

lol I just saw that not to long ago. It's a good one :D
 

Electricnut

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Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," the man replied.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this.. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
 

Iken

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lol yup I remember that one. :thumb:

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lol


:lol:

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," the man replied.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this.. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

I laughed so hard I woke up the Mrs! (again) lol Nut you tell the greatest jokes of all time! Thank you greatly! Laughing is the best remedy for any hard day.
 

HzG8rGrl

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A couple was on their honeymoon, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to her husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed
with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

"Now what are you doing?" she asks.

"I'm still hungry, so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a third time.

When they finish, he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what's par for this damn hole."
 

Electricnut

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Oh that's bad.

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians. " Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians! " for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
 

WitchWay

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Ok I promised I would share this story here. I told this a while back in another part of the forum, so some may have seen a short version of it already. First off a little about me... I'm far from normal, well maybe it's more like unconventional and quirky, not to mention a tad bit clumsy. I'm always messing around with things and trying to find an easier way to do things. This normally gets me into some kind of mess. I clean up a lot of messes. Thankfully I have never seriously injured myself or anyone else, nor have I ever prefaced anything with "HEY ya'll watch this", though I probably should have. And most importantly, I talk a lot, or in the case write a lot so this is quite long.

For those not familiar with the "Taryn spin", it is used when refilling cartomizers. You put the drops in, then put the carto batt side down in one of those velvet battery bags you get and never use for your batteries, then spin it around really fast in a helicopter spin. This forces the juice down into the batting so you can get more juice in your cartos when refilling. But this story is about cleaning cartomizers, not refilling LOL

When I first started using cartomizers I ordered a bunch of sample packs of different flavors to try out. I had like 30 different flavors and maybe 60 total cartomizers. I would use a carto and try the flavor, then refill it a couple time with a flavor that mixed with it and after that if I hadn't managed to scorch the carto I would throw it in a baggie to be cleaned later. Being lazy as I am, the cleaning part took a while before I finally got around to it. When I looked into the dirty carto baggie, there were 40 cartos in there. Well remember I'm lazy and I knew that cleaning all those one by one was not something I was going to do and there was no way I was throwing them out. First thing I do when I start a carto is to remove the white end cap and silicone ring because I use a 801 soft tip over the mouth piece, so at least I didn't have to remove all those when it came time for cleaning. After some thought I got the brilliant idea to sit all 40 cartos on their battery ends on my desk then bundle them together with a rubber band. So far so good, that part worked like a charm. Next I set them in a strainer and used the spray hose from the kitchen sink to run hot water through them from the open end letting it drain out the battery end. Again so far so good. After that I put boiling water in a bowl and set the strainer down in the bowl and let them soak for a few minutes that way, then I dunked them up and down several times to work the boiling water through them. Everything was going great! We I turned the whole bundle upside down in the strainer and let them drain. Of course they don't really drain and I can't let them sit soaking wet that way. hmmmmm I'm not about to blow these out one at a time. First off even I don't have that much hot air and second, you got it, I'm lazy and that would be too much work. At this point I get my next bright idea which was to put a wad of paper towels in the bottom of a plastic bag like you get newspapers in. Then I dropped the whole bundle of cartomizers into the bag open end down. If the Taryn spin can get the juice in then a spin can get the water out. Ok let me ask this... do you know how much 40 cartomizers bundled together with a rubber band and soaked with water weighs? Neither do I but let me tell you it's not light. I wrap the end of the bag around my hand and proceed to do the Taryn spin. They were so heavy my arm hurt for two days after this LOL. Weeeee that worked really well, got out the water and unfortunately some juice that was still in the cartos. So I put them back in the strainer and pour boiling filter water through them for a final rinse. I should have know that things were going too good, nothing ever goes this easily for me. Again I let them sit and drain the excess water into the sink, then more paper towels, into the plastic bag, topped with the very heavy bundle of soppy wet cartomizers and the Taryn spin. All went really well until that last spin when the bottom of the bag split open and my bundle of 40 cartos went flying up in the air. My first thought was which kitchen window was about to get broken, however before that thought was complete the rubber band came off and the bundle broke apart in mid air. 40 very colorful, very clean cartos came raining down ALL over the kitchen. My 3 cats thought it was Christmas and Santa had brought them new toys. About the same time the bag was splitting open I must have screamed which brought hubby running to find me on the floor on my hands and knees frantically picking up cartos and desperately trying to keep the cats from knocking them around any further. 2 went under the stove and 1 under the fridge, but we managed to find the other 37. Moral of this story... always double bag :lol:
 

WitchWay

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My dad who is now 84 is full of little sayings. Everytime he sees a screw on the ground he stops and picks it up and says "never pass up a perfectly good screw." I always thought that was funny until when my daughter was 7 and spent the summer with them in Florida as she did every summer. So she comes home and when school starts she is in the 1st grade. Well they go on a field trip one time and she has to buddy with the teacher since there was an odd number of kids in the class. As they are walking along she stops and picks up a screw that is on the ground. The teacher says "Kenzie, what are you doing?!" Kenzie looks up very proud, holding out the screw and you guessed it, says to the teacher "grandpap says never pass up a perfectly good screw" I was called into the office as soon as they got back from the field trip. I was called into the office every year for about 4 years for some cute saying my dad had taught my daughter during the summer. My daughter is now 21 and in her 3rd year of college and still repeats all the cute sayings grandpap taught her.
 

WitchWay

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haha... i can only imagine the things that isaac and i are going to be called for with jacob when he goes to school!!! good thing i work all day and he's at home w/the business... hahaha

Well I look at it this way. If they repeat what they hear you say it means they are actually listening to you :) Just cherish every moment. They grow up tooooo fast. Jacob is such a cutie and you make a wonderful looking family. I love all the pictures and stories you share. The fact you and Isaac both come on and participate in the forum and business together show a team bond that is rare in couples these days. It's so great to see. Ok I think the mother in me is coming out so I'll stop now :)
 
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