unsupportive spouses..

[Detroit]

anyone have trouble with your spouse being un-supportive? my feiance(spell check) seemed happy for me at first...
then she started offering me real cigs even though i told her several times i didnt want any. then i bought my ego-t and she started to get a slight additude about it "why do you need that one whats wrong with the one you got at the gas station!?" ok so she got over that... now shes been tellin me the last few days "you should have extra money with this smoking thing so go buy this,go buy that" and she gets mad when i say "it takes time to save money, i have to gather all my spare parts and such"

my question is... WHY CANT THEY BE HAPPY WERE NOT SMOKING??!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


sorry about this.. i just needed to vent because i feel like im gonna blow up on her right now, thank god she went to bed already or i probably would have...

anyone eles have somthing similer happen? any luck trying to explane or get her/him off your back about it?

she just makes it so frustrating for me and i dont even think she relizes what shes doing.

thanks for any comments.

 

[MegaBee]

aww Detroit Im sorry you are going through that. Does your spouse smoke? Im not really sure why she is saying those things except that maybe she is not understanding that you have begun a new hobby or way or life. Perhaps you could encourage her to read all the success stories on ECF and it may help her understand it better. I wish you luck. And if you are feeling stressed or needing support and your loved ones and family members are unable to help comfort you then come here and talk to us

 

[cracker75]

Yeah Detroit, we're here for you, even if she isn't

Maybe you should hide your PV and keep cigarettes around so she thinks your smoking and don't have extra cash to buy her stuff

 

[Morgythekilla]

Hey man, I'm sorry you two are going @ it. Woman can be controlling, I know, I'm one of them. She may be a little jealous deep inside that you are trying to take care of yourself, and she isn't. That gives you an extra thing that is above her. If I were you I would get her the whole set up for Christmas and say that she HAS to switch, because all that "extra" money I saved just went to get you off of cigs. She would love that you are trying to include her and that you care enough about her health to NEED her to stop smoking. Next time she complains about e-cig stuff, or where all the "extra" money is, don't take it to heart. I know it can hurt, but woman are just like that somtimes. It just stress talking. NEVER yell back @ her, or blow up on her, that makes YOU the bad guy and will ruin your relationship. Next time she yells, walk away, give her time to cool off, then have a conversation with her that is constructive and involves both of your thoughts, feelings and opinions. Then you should both agree to make an effort to work on those things that are bothering eachother. Good luck!!

 

[QusieQ]

Sorry, but your fiance sounds selfish to me ....

Maybe the previous poster is right, is she a smoker?, maybe jealous or doesn't understand --ok that is the nice response.

She's selfish. Sorry man, good luck to you. Don't go back to analogs, keep vaping!

 

[OttoBahn]

I'm no relationship expert but it seems she's concerned/worried about the money - a reasonable concern.

Money is one of the major issues couples can face if they can not communicate about it. My advice would be to learn to communicate about it, in a reasonable and calm fashion (leaving out as much emotion/hurt-feelings as possible.) It is difficult to learn how but when you do, life gets much easier for both of you.

Just my 2-Cents.

 

[studio52]

Assuming she is a smoker..because you said she offered you analogs...She is an addict, like you, and I were, addicts love company, as misery loves company. Your succeeding in your efforts to quit analogs and she is not...she is in FAIL, so be patient, buy your devices use them dont ask her opinion or advice, and ask her to refrain from any intolerance towards your personal success, if she loves you, she will respect your efforts to enjoy a smoke free life and a chance at a longer healthier life. She may or may not see the light in the near future, but given time it is possible she will come around...do your own thing...dont let her or anyone bring you down for trying to eliminate your addiction. IMHO

 

[jammydodger]

Since you said she offered you real cigs, I'm inferring that she's a smoker. If so, I believe you're going to have to get her into vaping for this to work out pleasantly. If two smokers don't quit together, the one that keeps smoking always feels scolded, even if the person who's quitting is supportive.

Is there a flavor or dessert that she really likes? Might try getting some juice that she can't resist to get her interested and make her feel included.

 

[Detroit]

thank you both very much, already making me feel better!!! i have no idea why she says/does these things! it dosnt make any sence because i told her about the juice i had comming and she asked me if she could try it when it gets here! lol yeah shes a smoker, has been sence she was 15 (shes 30 now) i never smoked untill i got with her which is my fault, not hers in anyway.
she seems supportive in ways, then highly non-supportive in others.. uhg ill never understand.

cracker75 that is funny as hell!! i should do that for 2-3 months then pull out my wad of saved cash and be like "so what ya think about my dumb idea now?" lmao


again thank you, already feelin better i love this forum!

______________________

wrote that then seen other replys! lol

morgythekilla-
i do think she is a little jealous just because the look she gets on her face when im vapin with out a care in the world and shes counting her cigs to see if she's smoking to much lol
i know its somthing that man will never achieve but i just cant understand women for the life of me. they can yell for 10 mins stright at the top of there lungs i say 5 words loudly and i become the bad guy... how/why could a women think like this?
not women bashin, i love my momma lol thank you for that, i try my best not to yell back but im sure yall understand it happens.

qusieQ, no need to be sorry man. i hear u on that and i think she will think the same way when she cools down about the hole thing and understands what im trying to do, right now she thinks its all about saving money when that is only a bonus to what im actully trying to achive, a life with out a cig in my hand every 2 seconds.. especially seeings how lung cancer along with other types run in my family.

again thank you all very much all you nice people really cheer me up and are all so helpful!

 

[jammydodger]

don't let her or anyone bring you down for trying to eliminate your addiction.

I didn't see anything about 0 nic in the OP's message -- most of us here are happily shifting our addiction to a superior delivery system, not eliminating it.

 

[Detroit]

wow i cant keep up with the replys!!!

outtobahn, money does come up here and there and it starts a small fight, but this situation money isnt whats starting the argument its just somthing she uses as ledverage to make her self think shes right and im wrong. sorry i cant spell very good lol

studio you make Very good points, when i was smoking analogs i ALWAYS wanted some one to smoke with me so i can understand were shes comming from with that.. but if this was the other way around i know for a fact i would never try to talk her back into smoking so im not sure what her mind set is yet on that...

jammy-
the one i ordered she "thinks" she will like and wants to try it, but she LOVES sweets so im gonna order a desert samle pack to see if she will fall for somthing and if she tells me she likes one ill be ordering her a ecig that same day! that would be terrific if she could get on them with me.


and actully i am smoking 0 nic in my ego-t right now but i DONT like it at all, so i got my crap ecig to keep me sane, i got my 18mg on the way

im not ever gonna let anyone talk me back into analogs, it hasnt even been 3 weeks and i already breath much better and just feel better all around. i understand im still taking in nicotine which is an addiction but i feel ive kicked somthing much worse for my health and people around me.

 

[Morgythekilla]

How/why woman are like that? Woman naturally have protective instincts, comes from child bearing, or the ability to bear a child. Woman will defend to the death their stance on an issue, or they will protect themselves. When she yells, she is "protecting" herself, protecting her security or her control of her life. But don't forget that she will protect her family too, (you), when there is a need. Protecting can be thought of as defending in your situation, she may be defending her stance on her opinion on how her lifestyle is going, ie; not quitting smoking. She may also be wondering if you think you are "better" then her for quitting smoking, and she is protecting her heart by putting you down about it. Sucks doesn't it? Gotta get her vapin.

 

[lunabella]

If your wife isn't a smoker, she probably won't understand how hard it is to quit. If she is a smoker, she may be feeling a little left out that you decided to go on this journey without her. What is comes right now to, is focus on you right now. She may think you're flighty about it right now and would easily cave into cigarettes than you'd both be smoking and happy. We know that's not true, though. It might feel comfortable, but you've already started the journey.

Most people are resistant to change - how is this going to end up, things will never be the same, why can't it just be how it was, etc etc... You probably do spend more money when you're first starting up, but it settles down and you end up saving way more money in the end. You're also saving your life, which you can't put a price on.

It's difficult when you feel that people around you aren't supportive. Most of the time, it's just a change and they're not sure how to deal with it. Talk to her and tell her you're doing this so that you can be healthy and live a long life with her. Once she starts seeing you successful, she'll come around. So now you've really got stick with this to show her you're serious!!

Check out some of the quit smoking meters (the banners in ppl's signatures). It's hard to think of how much you're saving when you're constantly buying online and plugging up the credit card, but those banners really tend to put things into perspective. I feel like I've been on ridiculously buying sprees - I bought 3 different e-cig starter kits in the first 3 weeks of vaping, and have bought about $600 (at least) in juices and accessories, but I'm all set up for a while now. And when I last checked my quit meter, in the last 10 weeks since I started vaping, I saved $1350 (not including e-cig costs) and avoided 2070 cigarettes. So, even though I couldn't stop buying e-cig stuff and juice, there's no way I've spent as much money as I would have spent on cigarettes. I just spent that money all at once, rather than buying two packs a day at $13/ pack. I won't have to buy much not to keep me going. A few new juices here and there. I'm stocked up with cartos for months.

So anyway, there are lots of different ways to look at how e-cigs are helping, and how they can be cheaper than analogs. Talk to your wife about why you want to switch to e-cigs and ask her to be supportive. She'll come around yet. Probably when she just gives in and starts vaping!!

Good luck to you. When it feels like no one else is on your side, remember that we are.

 

[Detroit]

lol i think you are right morgy! after i just clicked send on my last message she walked in and gave me a hug and said she loved me and went back to bed... if im not mistaken thats a apology, no? lol definitly gotta get her vapin... any suggestions on flavors? she loves chocolate type sweet stuffs, i dont think shes to big on fruit but she eats it a few times a week.

 

[Detroit]

thank you luna bella ill try to be here for you all as well as much as i wanted to avoid one of those "serious talks" im starting to think that might be the way to go... i think i may give her the weekend and see were she stands with the idea, who knows many when my vapor gets here friday she will love it and my prob's will be solved! ok ok we all know this isnt gonna be that easy.. lol

 

[Detroit]

oh! i seen those banners and i want one, but i cant figure out how to get to my signatue to edit it.. i think those banners are a awesome idea!

 

[AmandaMarie]

Sorry, but your fiance sounds selfish to me ....

Maybe the previous poster is right, is she a smoker?, maybe jealous or doesn't understand --ok that is the nice response.

She's selfish. Sorry man, good luck to you. Don't go back to analogs, keep vaping!

I would say this.....and I know from experience. My husband is not supportive at all,heck the man doesn't even like the fact that I am addicted to caffeine. I will NEVER go back to smoking cigs. , I suggest you do what you want to do and on!

 

[MegaBee]

I'm glad she came and agave u hugs lol. I hope she enjoys the flavours of the samples and joins on vaping with you get her a cute pink bloog or volt or 510 kit and bring back the love lol


Last cigarette 16th October, 2011. Forever grateful for the support and advice from ECF.

 

[Detroit]

wow really? caffine?! i geuss im addicted to caffine too? lol never thought of that. not being supported in anyway just sucks though, i hear ya.

haha im a little glad i got hugs too. if she decides she likes it i will def be pickin her up a pink one, i am thinking the bloog or the 510 though, good calls. i dont know a bunch about those 2 i just know there smaller, which she will need for sure, i know she isnt gonna wanna pack my ego its to big for her.

 

[mylose64]

anyone have trouble with your spouse being un-supportive? my feiance(spell check) seemed happy for me at first...
then she started offering me real cigs even though i told her several times i didnt want any. then i bought my ego-t and she started to get a slight additude about it "why do you need that one whats wrong with the one you got at the gas station!?" ok so she got over that... now shes been tellin me the last few days "you should have extra money with this smoking thing so go buy this,go buy that" and she gets mad when i say "it takes time to save money, i have to gather all my spare parts and such"

my question is... WHY CANT THEY BE HAPPY WERE NOT SMOKING??!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


sorry about this.. i just needed to vent because i feel like im gonna blow up on her right now, thank god she went to bed already or i probably would have...

anyone eles have somthing similer happen? any luck trying to explane or get her/him off your back about it?

she just makes it so frustrating for me and i dont even think she relizes what shes doing.

thanks for any comments.

It sounds like my girlfriend.
We live together and she's always giving me static for buying new e cigs.

haters gon' hate