Don't know where to post this...just so mad at myself, I screwed up

[AndriaD]

I have not smoked since July 31, 2013. I STILL have half a bag of tobacco, a box of tubes and my Top-O-Matic cig machine. I like to know that I COULD go back to smoking at any time. If I had a horrible day, {and I HAD to smoke to avoid all out mass murder} smoking could still be a choice. But the way I see it, I highly doubt I will ever smoke again. I enjoy vaping immensely; it is truly "having your cake and eating it too."

This reasoning is precisely why I still have an open pk in a ziplock in my freezer; it gives me an option, and allows me to make the totally unconstrained choice to vape. It's really a no-brainer choice for me, but any amount of pressure, such as not having any in the house (I don't have a vehicle in the daytime, so I'd be marooned) just makes me angry and panicky, increasing my stress and making it MORE likely that I would choose to smoke instead, or at least want to, quite desperately. As long as I have that option, that choice, then I choose to vape; it's cheaper, safer, tastes TONS better, I can do it indoors, and it doesn't make me smell bad to my husband. Like I said, a real no-brainer!

Andria

 

[Ou2mame]

I have a carton and and a half next to me, and a few packs in my car door, just for comfort. It's weird, I don't want to some them but feel better knowing I can.

Don't get hung up on numbers. I don't know when I quit cigs, and I don't really care. I'm 33 and had been smoking for 10 years, and now I don't. That's all I really need to know. If you're worried about resetting your number, you are putting too much pressure on yourself. You didn't quit to make a number,so why start now.

 

[corn flakes]

I have a pack with 21 in my right hand jacket pocket with a lighter and a pack in my left hand pocket. I go outside to vape, 2 more steps there is a carton with 6 packs. Everytime I go outside I have the choice. The choice for the last 15 days has been to vape.

If I didn't have them I would probably panic. Like forgetting to pick some up on the way home. I would put aside so many cigs for the morning.

 

[xena222]

I have not smoked since July 31, 2013. I STILL have half a bag of tobacco, a box of tubes and my Top-O-Matic cig machine. I like to know that I COULD go back to smoking at any time. If I had a horrible day, {and I HAD to smoke to avoid all out mass murder} smoking could still be a choice. But the way I see it, I highly doubt I will ever smoke again. I enjoy vaping immensely; it is truly "having your cake and eating it too."

No doubt - I used to make mine too - I still have my machine...got rid of my tubes and tobacco, kept half a pack of really old light cigarettes that I don't like around - giving myself the choice seems to make me make better ones!

I have a pack with 21 in my right hand jacket pocket with a lighter and a pack in my left hand pocket. I go outside to vape, 2 more steps there is a carton with 6 packs. Everytime I go outside I have the choice. The choice for the last 15 days has been to vape.

If I didn't have them I would probably panic. Like forgetting to pick some up on the way home. I would put aside so many cigs for the morning.

WTG!! That is a big first step, and it is a choice...the second in my life I tell myself NEVER...I am gonna find a way to screw it up LOL!!! I have just chosen to vape all but four puffs in a really long time

 

[caferacer]

It's good to see you're keeping this thread alive, xena222. I'm sure it's been really helpful to others who've had the urge to start smoking again.

How's the transition to vaping going for you?

 

[Spencer87]

Even if i had a couple smokes I wouldnt reset my counter. The counter means that you are an exsmoker...... and it goes to show you how much you saved and how many cigarettes you avoided. A smoke isnt going to make a big dent in the amount youve avoided. Ive avoided thousands.... and so if im minus 1 on that, i still avoided thousands. 1 cigarette or two doesnt classify anyone as a smoker. if a doctor asks someone if they ever were a smoker and they had 2 in college at a party once, they will still say no.

 

[xena222]

It's good to see you're keeping this thread alive, xena222. I'm sure it's been really helpful to others who've had the urge to start smoking again.

How's the transition to vaping going for you?

I love keeping this thread alive as a way to remember that I dont need to repeat my same mistakes - and that we are HUMAN If it helps one person....I would feel so happy, and it would make that bad day completely worth it!
There is another good thread here: http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/forum/pay-forward-pif/519384-still-smoking-support-chat-thread.html
Lots of support from this whole forum is the only thing that has gotten me this far....No more smokes since that one!!! Still sitting in the purse, and I occasionally crave one when I smell them (that makes no sense...it smells awful LOL) Everyone here has had my back since day one...and yep, I am making it!!

Even if i had a couple smokes I wouldnt reset my counter. The counter means that you are an exsmoker...... and it goes to show you how much you saved and how many cigarettes you avoided. A smoke isnt going to make a big dent in the amount youve avoided. Ive avoided thousands.... and so if im minus 1 on that, i still avoided thousands. 1 cigarette or two doesnt classify anyone as a smoker. if a doctor asks someone if they ever were a smoker and they had 2 in college at a party once, they will still say no.

Oh my gosh!!! You just said something that I never thought of!! My best friend would usually bum a couple smokes from me at the bar...and I NEVER thought of her as a smoker...so that one smoke definitely didn't make me a smoker again...I think it would have broke my heart to reset that counter - those first couple months were hard on me...like learning a whole new way to live (I was a HEAVY smoker from the day I started)...that thing makes a big difference to me - nothing ever worked for me, not even for a solid week...that counter helps me keep going some days

 

[Ou2mame]

I have away my half carton, but I'm keeping my full carton lol.. Don't know why, maybe I'll want to smoke again.. Its hard quitting, but I don't think numbers help. It's funny, everyone I know smokes, everywhere I go there's cigarettes and people smoking them, and a week into it the smell bothers me now. My neighbor smokes over a pack a day, probably half a pack in front of me, but I keep on vaping. {Moderated} cigarettes man.. That's all I have to say about that lol

 

[inspects]

I have a pack of Marlboro lights sitting on my desk, I open the pack once in a while just to realize how bad they actually smell, I will never smoke another cigarette as long as I live.....!

 

[Cloudhound]

I know the feeling all too well. It's not a crime to have a cigarette, but it is crushing when you've been sober for a while. The fact that it is inferior to the satisfaction of vaping helps to steer you home in my opinion.

Funny, that your body so readily rejects smoking tobacco (bad taste, lungs tight, coughing, spitting) but so readily accepts vaping. Something to ponder.

I feel your pain. Hang in there.

 

[AndriaD]

Even if i had a couple smokes I wouldnt reset my counter. The counter means that you are an exsmoker...... and it goes to show you how much you saved and how many cigarettes you avoided. A smoke isnt going to make a big dent in the amount youve avoided. Ive avoided thousands.... and so if im minus 1 on that, i still avoided thousands. 1 cigarette or two doesnt classify anyone as a smoker. if a doctor asks someone if they ever were a smoker and they had 2 in college at a party once, they will still say no.

That's true; the only reason I went ahead and reset my own counter was that my own relapse was a whole month. I never did quit vaping during the time I was smoking, in fact I was doing the same thing I did, the first time I quit, vaping more and more every day to try and smoke less, and it finally worked. But in 2014, I was a smoker for only 3 months -- Jan, Feb, and that month in the summer between Jun 23 and Jul 25. Because of that month in the summer, I've been uninterruptedly smoke-free for only 6 months 2 wks now, but I've been vaping for over a year.

But that's ok; just out of curiosity, yesterday I did the ECF sigbanner thing, and saw that I was smoke-free for 200 days! And today makes 201, so only 164 days till I make a year smoke-free. No problem!

Andria

 

[xena222]

I have away my half carton, but I'm keeping my full carton lol.. Don't know why, maybe I'll want to smoke again.. Its hard quitting, but I don't think numbers help. It's funny, everyone I know smokes, everywhere I go there's cigarettes and people smoking them, and a week into it the smell bothers me now. My neighbor smokes over a pack a day, probably half a pack in front of me, but I keep on vaping. {Moderated} cigarettes man.. That's all I have to say about that lol

The numbers help me for some strange reason (LOL, I am really OCD..) I would find it a lot harder in your situation, smoking around me, well, makes me want one .....you are doing AWESOME!!! I don't know if I could make it that way, proud of you!!!

I have a pack of Marlboro lights sitting on my desk, I open the pack once in a while just to realize how bad they actually smell, I will never smoke another cigarette as long as I live.....!

You are doing great too!!! At the couple month mark, I wasn't totally convinced in myself yet, WTG!! I still have my old pack, luckily they are lights too, it makes me not really want one - LOL!!

I know the feeling all too well. It's not a crime to have a cigarette, but it is crushing when you've been sober for a while. The fact that it is inferior to the satisfaction of vaping helps to steer you home in my opinion.

Funny, that your body so readily rejects smoking tobacco (bad taste, lungs tight, coughing, spitting) but so readily accepts vaping. Something to ponder.

I feel your pain. Hang in there.

That's what it was!! I had been clean for a LONG time, and then I slipped and I really wanted to just give up (I would have without everyone here) I still have pains in my chest sometimes, and it kind of tricks me into thinking vaping isn't better The doctor said my lungs sound CLEAR now, just a tightness (it is the water thing I think, I cannot force myself to drink it, seriously, I have tried...I only drink coffee, I only drink coffee except for iced tea once a day) I am determined to make it anyway! 3 straight months of bronchitis...never again...

That's true; the only reason I went ahead and reset my own counter was that my own relapse was a whole month. I never did quit vaping during the time I was smoking, in fact I was doing the same thing I did, the first time I quit, vaping more and more every day to try and smoke less, and it finally worked. But in 2014, I was a smoker for only 3 months -- Jan, Feb, and that month in the summer between Jun 23 and Jul 25. Because of that month in the summer, I've been uninterruptedly smoke-free for only 6 months 2 wks now, but I've been vaping for over a year.

But that's ok; just out of curiosity, yesterday I did the ECF sigbanner thing, and saw that I was smoke-free for 200 days! And today makes 201, so only 164 days till I make a year smoke-free. No problem!

Andria

You are proof that even when things go wrong, and they do....that you can jump right back on the horse!!! I am so super proud of you, you are inspiring!
Party in 164 days?? LOL!!! I am not sure how long my one year date is (umm, that requires math I am too lazy to do, LOL)..but I am over halfway!! I would have never thought that after my 20 some other attempts to quit

We are all hanging in there, and we will make it, and we will be healthier and we will live better lives....someday our counters will say 10 years down!

 

[AndriaD]

I still have pains in my chest sometimes, and it kind of tricks me into thinking vaping isn't better The doctor said my lungs sound CLEAR now, just a tightness (it is the water thing I think, I cannot force myself to drink it, seriously, I have tried...I only drink coffee, I only drink coffee except for iced tea once a day) I am determined to make it anyway! 3 straight months of bronchitis...never again...
.
.
.

You are proof that even when things go wrong, and they do....that you can jump right back on the horse!!! I am so super proud of you, you are inspiring!
Party in 164 days?? LOL!!! I am not sure how long my one year date is (umm, that requires math I am too lazy to do, LOL)..but I am over halfway!! I would have never thought that after my 20 some other attempts to quit

We are all hanging in there, and we will make it, and we will be healthier and we will live better lives....someday our counters will say 10 years down!

2014 was definitely eventful for my health -- a cold in January, which I had when I first got here, and even when I first started vaping -- everyone said my tastebuds were fried from smoking anyway, so I didn't figure it really mattered. Then the weird swelling in my feet and ankles, and was still struggling with that when my appendix pitched a fit. Really it was the entire health ball of wax behind my smoking relapse; I knew the vaping was connected *somehow* to the feet/leg swelling, but I didn't know how, or what to do about it, so I really had to give vaping a little bit of a rest for a while, till I worked that out. It all worked out for the best; I fixed the dehydration/electrolyte problem that was causing it, and I also learned that I have to treat cigarettes the same way I treat alcohol -- not even one, or I'm off to the races! That's ok too; I've been sober for 22 yrs and that hasn't killed me yet, so doing without coffin nails probably won't kill me either.

That thing about your chest -- my asthma actually got worse. The congestion is mostly gone, though I still have a bit in the morning -- that's the asthma. But even with the lack of congestion and nastiness in my lungs, my asthma went completely out of control, I was using 12-15 puffs a day of my rescue inhaler, so I had to get on some maintenance meds, which previously I didn't need. I think it's probably that my asthma came after I had been a smoker for 10 yrs, so I've never had asthma as a non-smoker, till now; when I quit smoking, I disrupted my body's homeostasis, its adaptation to the conditions of smoking, plus adding the PG and VG and flavors. I can't see the nicotine itself as being anything new to my lungs, they've been inhaling it for years, if in a rather different form. But my doctor had no problem prescribing the new meds; he's been treating me for my asthma for more than 15 yrs, and knows that I am vigilant with my asthma -- if I have a problem, I let him know, I don't wait for it to become something that requires a hospital -- I HATE those places! And he was positively electrified that after 15+ yrs of "you know, you should quit smoking, or cut down as much as possible" he walks in and hears "Guess what I did, I quit smoking!"

Andria

 

[xena222]

I know you were through so much last year!! ((this year will be better!!) My doctor was shocked when I said I quit - I think my dentist was just about as excited as could be...smoking leads to gum problems and early tooth loss...I had 6 teeth pulled in a year, and my front teeth always look good - LOL, but I have almost no teeth in the back - 4-5 left...so my dentist was really happy and trying to save the teeth I have....sometimes, when I am having a bad day, I try to convince myself vaping is bad for me - LOL!! As far as the asthma goes...they were questioning at my point if it was asthma or COPD I knoew I only had asthma because I smoked...and COPD scared me to death!!...so I vape, even on days I feel like I REALLY want to smoke, and it does happen..but I learned after that continuous bout of bronchitis, my lungs are not super heroes..I always though somehow mine were able to beat the smoking..I have been a singer forever, and I didn't lose any power after all those years...then over the course of a couple short months to a year..I was on the edge of permanent lung disease...so yep, even on bad days I vape..I hope one day I will be able to sing again...that and my kids are a pretty good reminder

 

[AndriaD]

I know you were through so much last year!! ((this year will be better!!) My doctor was shocked when I said I quit - I think my dentist was just about as excited as could be...smoking leads to gum problems and early tooth loss...I had 6 teeth pulled in a year, and my front teeth always look good - LOL, but I have almost no teeth in the back - 4-5 left...so my dentist was really happy and trying to save the teeth I have....sometimes, when I am having a bad day, I try to convince myself vaping is bad for me - LOL!! As far as the asthma goes...they were questioning at my point if it was asthma or COPD I knoew I only had asthma because I smoked...and COPD scared me to death!!...so I vape, even on days I feel like I REALLY want to smoke, and it does happen..but I learned after that continuous bout of bronchitis, my lungs are not super heroes..I always though somehow mine were able to beat the smoking..I have been a singer forever, and I didn't lose any power after all those years...then over the course of a couple short months to a year..I was on the edge of permanent lung disease...so yep, even on bad days I vape..I hope one day I will be able to sing again...that and my kids are a pretty good reminder

I've always enjoyed singing, just for my own pleasure, but before I turned 20, smoking had caused my natural alto to deepen rather drastically, and it just got lower as I got older. But within a short time after quitting, I got my high notes back! Now I can caterwaul right along with Robert Plant and Ann Wilson, and hit notes I haven't SEEN in 35 years! Neat thing is that I haven't lost the low range.

Andria

 

[xena222]

I've always enjoyed singing, just for my own pleasure, but before I turned 20, smoking had caused my natural alto to deepen rather drastically, and it just got lower as I got older. But within a short time after quitting, I got my high notes back! Now I can caterwaul right along with Robert Plant and Ann Wilson, and hit notes I haven't SEEN in 35 years! Neat thing is that I haven't lost the low range.

Andria

My voice was always on the low end to be honest, smoking made it raspy and as I got older I lost a LOT of my high end due to smoking (I had a really good range to be honest...I could sing Danzig, Zeppelin and then things like No Doubt and girl stuff too ) Zep was always one of my most favorite things to sing ever!! And I am still patiently hoping someday I can hit Immigrant Song again - LOL!! I have yet to see that I will be able to sing well again....this is really making me sad to be honest...

 

[Robino1]

My voice was always on the low end to be honest, smoking made it raspy and as I got older I lost a LOT of my high end due to smoking (I had a really good range to be honest...I could sing Danzig, Zeppelin and then things like No Doubt and girl stuff too ) Zep was always one of my most favorite things to sing ever!! And I am still patiently hoping someday I can hit Immigrant Song again - LOL!! I have yet to see that I will be able to sing well again....this is really making me sad to be honest...

Practice. Keep trying. You may be able to get it back. At first high notes would hurt me but after practicing them, they are much easier now. I'm talking Heart, Journey etc. Vocal chords are a lot like muscles. Work them and they reward you.

 

[SissySpike]

I haven't had a smoke since June....sure, I never dropped from 24 (nor do I plan to...) but I was doing good!

But today, I took 4 puffs off a smoke and threw it out, my chest hurts and it tasted awful (it was from a pack I had from May)...do I need to reset my counter?

I feel like s**t....all this started this weekend, and now I just let myself down because I get so mad or down sometimes...I am so upset

I think you are very close to becoming a nast smelly smoker again! Quick buy some new fancy expensive vape gear to insure you remain among us!!!!!!

 

[AndriaD]

My voice was always on the low end to be honest, smoking made it raspy and as I got older I lost a LOT of my high end due to smoking (I had a really good range to be honest...I could sing Danzig, Zeppelin and then things like No Doubt and girl stuff too ) Zep was always one of my most favorite things to sing ever!! And I am still patiently hoping someday I can hit Immigrant Song again - LOL!! I have yet to see that I will be able to sing well again....this is really making me sad to be honest...

Practice. Keep trying. You may be able to get it back. At first high notes would hurt me but after practicing them, they are much easier now. I'm talking Heart, Journey etc. Vocal chords are a lot like muscles. Work them and they reward you.

Very, very true. At first I had the rasp, and a lot of that phlegmy feeling on my vocal cords; I still get that slightly, but not as bad since I went over 80% on my PG. I still can't sustain a note very long, which is probably more about the asthma than anything else. I was astonished the other day when "Straight On" was on the radio and I managed to hit every one of those notes -- not well, not at all, but I did hit the note. Still have to go falsetto on a lot of Ann Wilson's, but that's ok; smoking had destroyed my falsetto entirely, but now it's back. My son had voice training, and he insists that women don't have falsetto, but those of us with low voices actually do.

Andria

 

[xena222]

Practice. Keep trying. You may be able to get it back. At first high notes would hurt me but after practicing them, they are much easier now. I'm talking Heart, Journey etc. Vocal chords are a lot like muscles. Work them and they reward you.

I think that has a lot to do with it! I am more out of practice than out of breath! When I sang in the band and karaoke all the time, I was singing all the time - as my voice went down hill with the smoking, I have gradually quit singing...I just have to get back on the horse...it has been a long time since I sang and practiced a lot except singing in my car lately

I think you are very close to becoming a nasty smelly smoker again! Quick buy some new fancy expensive vape gear to insure you remain among us!!!!!!

LOL!!! You are enabling me to buy more shiny things I haven't had another puff since those ones....I realized it REALLY didn't make me feel better at all!

Very, very true. At first I had the rasp, and a lot of that phlegmy feeling on my vocal cords; I still get that slightly, but not as bad since I went over 80% on my PG. I still can't sustain a note very long, which is probably more about the asthma than anything else. I was astonished the other day when "Straight On" was on the radio and I managed to hit every one of those notes -- not well, not at all, but I did hit the note. Still have to go falsetto on a lot of Ann Wilson's, but that's ok; smoking had destroyed my falsetto entirely, but now it's back. My son had voice training, and he insists that women don't have falsetto, but those of us with low voices actually do.

Andria

I can hold a note pretty long (think the middle of Kashmir or end of Stairway...LOL!) and I can up and down quickly (I like to do Sinead O Connor and I am learning a Sia song) - the control I had is off - but I seriously think it may be more lack of effort and trying to sing more on my part I am just hoping this isn't some kind of permanent damage issue :'( I never had vocal training (I did sing in college choir, which is a little training...) - I wish I could - LOL! I have a falsetto, I really do (I am a contralto who can pop out some really high note - but I don't use my falsetto much - LOL, I think it sounds yucky....but yeah, women with lower range voices do have a falsetto...I just hate mine a lot....