FDA FDA Deems Dogs

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The Ocelot

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Dogs bite children.

Minors and young adults need to be discouraged from interacting with dogs. Ways this might be accomplished are to: restrict minors from owning dogs; put warning signs at dog parks; prohibit humane societies from promoting the adoption of dogs; and prohibit broadcasting of Lassie, Benji and whatever those movies are with the Golden Retriever puppies.

The FBP&DC act gave the FDA authority to regulate dogs and anything it deems to be a dog.
("Deeming," by definition, is an opinion. It does not have to be supported by evidence.
Perhaps the FDA was also given authority over the dictionary.)

The FDA looked to the history of the AKC and concluded that any dog breeds developed before 1885 (when the AKC opened registration) would be grandfathered in. Any breeders of dog breeds developed after 1885 would have to submit a pre-pet marketing application costing millions of dollars to prove, amongst other things, that: their breeds won't encourage minors to pet them; won't incite people who don't like dogs to own them; won't cause people who used to own dogs, but don't want another one, to get one anyway; and that they are beneficial to public health.

Service dogs are exempt, since they are medical devices.

And because they might: influence minors to pet dogs; allow people to substitute them for dogs; mislead the public into thinking dogs are safe; or could be a gateway to dogs, cats are deemed to be dogs.


(If reposted outside of ECF please give me credit.)
 
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nomore stinkies

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Dogs bite children.

Minors and young adults need to be discouraged from interacting with dogs. Ways this might be accomplished are to: restrict minors from owning dogs; put warning signs at dog parks; prohibit humane societies from promoting the adoption of dogs; and prohibit broadcasting of Lassie, Benji and whatever those movies are with the Golden Retriever puppies.

The FBP&DC act gave the FDA authority to regulate dogs and anything it deems to be a dog.
("Deeming," by definition, is an opinion. It does not have to be supported by evidence.
Perhaps the FDA was also given authority over the dictionary.)

The FDA looked to the history of the AKC and concluded that any dog breeds developed before 1885 (when the AKC opened registration) would be grandfathered in. Any breeders of dog breeds developed after 1885 would have to submit a pre-pet marketing application costing millions of dollars to prove, amongst other things, that: their breeds won't encourage minors to pet them; won't incite people who don't like dogs to own them; won't cause people who used to own dogs, but don't want another one, to get one anyway; and that they are beneficial to public health.

Service dogs are exempt, since they are medical devices.

And because they might: influence minors to pet dogs; allow people to substitute them for dogs; mislead the public into thinking dogs are safe; or could be a gateway to dogs, cats are deemed to be dogs.


(If reposted outside of ECF please give me credit.)
Rolling off my chair........bravo
 

Kaezziel

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Dogs bite children.

Minors and young adults need to be discouraged from interacting with dogs. Ways this might be accomplished are to: restrict minors from owning dogs; put warning signs at dog parks; prohibit humane societies from promoting the adoption of dogs; and prohibit broadcasting of Lassie, Benji and whatever those movies are with the Golden Retriever puppies.

The FBP&DC act gave the FDA authority to regulate dogs and anything it deems to be a dog.
("Deeming," by definition, is an opinion. It does not have to be supported by evidence.
Perhaps the FDA was also given authority over the dictionary.)

The FDA looked to the history of the AKC and concluded that any dog breeds developed before 1885 (when the AKC opened registration) would be grandfathered in. Any breeders of dog breeds developed after 1885 would have to submit a pre-pet marketing application costing millions of dollars to prove, amongst other things, that: their breeds won't encourage minors to pet them; won't incite people who don't like dogs to own them; won't cause people who used to own dogs, but don't want another one, to get one anyway; and that they are beneficial to public health.

Service dogs are exempt, since they are medical devices.

And because they might: influence minors to pet dogs; allow people to substitute them for dogs; mislead the public into thinking dogs are safe; or could be a gateway to dogs, cats are deemed to be dogs.


(If reposted outside of ECF please give me credit.)

LMAO! Dadgummit, since I already own three cats, do I have to register them with the FDA or the AKC? Or, since I already owned them prior to the deeming, am I safe to keep them? What if I want another cat? Is there a "catch-phrase" that I can use to get my doctor to write a letter to deem that I need a cat as a medical device? I mean, they are really good at keeping pests out of the living space, which would improve overall health, right?

Will the deeming also prohibit the promotion of the Garfield comics/cartoons/movies/shirts/calendars/etc.? What about Heathcliff or the new Keanu movie that Key and Peele just put out? We need to know these things!!!

(Love ya, Occy! This was absolutely brilliant!)
 

Iffy

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Well done, outstanding...
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Qew

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My dog is a grandfathered breed, but there are feral cats in my neighborhood. I am required to register as a breeder or are they considered raw material?

My next door neighbor has a mixed breed dog, is he adulterated? Will my eyeballs fall out if I pet him?
 

Rossum

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My next door neighbor has a mixed breed dog, is he adulterated? Will my eyeballs fall out if I pet him?
Depends. If it's a pit bull mix, that's definitely not going to be approved. But something like a labrador / golden retriever mix might make it though if he's willing to spend enough money to file an application.
 
Will my eyeballs fall out if I pet him?

FDA Answer: We don't know. Not enough studies have been done. We highly recommend no petting, because it could be true. If you insist on petting, we're going to pass a law stating that safety goggles and helmet must be worn at all times during petting.
 

VNeil

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LMAO! Dadgummit, since I already own three cats, do I have to register them with the FDA or the AKC? Or, since I already owned them prior to the deeming, am I safe to keep them? What if I want another cat? Is there a "catch-phrase" that I can use to get my doctor to write a letter to deem that I need a cat as a medical device? I mean, they are really good at keeping pests out of the living space, which would improve overall health, right?

Will the deeming also prohibit the promotion of the Garfield comics/cartoons/movies/shirts/calendars/etc.? What about Heathcliff or the new Keanu movie that Key and Peele just put out? We need to know these things!!!

(Love ya, Occy! This was absolutely brilliant!)
Cats can get fleas, which could infest your house. And children. Think of the Kidz. Cats can scratch, which could result in infection, which could lead to sepsis and even septic shock. Which could require amputation of various limbs, or death.

Cats are far more hazardous than dogs.

Recent studies indicate that young children exposed to cats are 150% more likely to keep cats as pets throughout their lives, dooming a new generation to an epidemic of septic shock. And fleas.

Cats are a gateway to a variety of other pets, including dangerous exotic pets like Siberian Tigers and Burmese Pythons

{Insert video here of child eaten by a Siberian Tiger}
 

VNeil

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Cats can get fleas, which could infest your house. And children. Think of the Kidz. Cats can scratch, which could result in infection, which could lead to sepsis and even septic shock. Which could require amputation of various limbs, or death.

Cats are far more hazardous than dogs.

Recent studies indicate that young children exposed to cats are 150% more likely to keep cats as pets throughout their lives, dooming a new generation to an epidemic of septic shock. And fleas.

Cats are a gateway to a variety of other pets, including dangerous exotic pets like Siberian Tigers and Burmese Pythons

{Insert video here of child eaten by a Siberian Tiger}
And even worse, cats are more addictive than {you know what}. Cat Acquisition Syndrome leads to uncontrolled acquisition of cats. One leads to two, leading to a third . This may result in a house with 30 cats. Just say no to cats.
 

Kaezziel

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Cats can get fleas, which could infest your house. And children. Think of the Kidz. Cats can scratch, which could result in infection, which could lead to sepsis and even septic shock. Which could require amputation of various limbs, or death.

Cats are far more hazardous than dogs.

Recent studies indicate that young children exposed to cats are 150% more likely to keep cats as pets throughout their lives, dooming a new generation to an epidemic of septic shock. And fleas.

Cats are a gateway to a variety of other pets, including dangerous exotic pets like Siberian Tigers and Burmese Pythons

{Insert video here of child eaten by a Siberian Tiger}

But.. but... buuutttt... if they stay indoors, then they don't get fleas. And... and I don't have kidz. I traded 'em all for cat toys, and cat beds, and carpeted penthouses for the cats... :facepalm: and several bales of catnip. They're just so cuddly and funny when they're "nipped" out on catnip.

And, a gateway, you say? I can get a Siberian Tiger? Will it play nice wif da other kitties? How much catnip does a Siberian Tiger need? What kinds of toys do they like? Will the FDA regulate what they can eat and play with? Will they approve a Siberian Tiger sized dosage of anti-flea medication, for in case he/she goes outside? Will they also regulate the catnip?

And even worse, cats are more addictive than {you know what}. Cat Acquisition Syndrome leads to uncontrolled acquisition of cats. One leads to two, leading to a third . This may result in a house with 30 cats. Just say no to cats.

Cat Acquisition Syndrome is a myth... I don't have "C.A.S."; I just love cats. And cats love me. They love me more than people do. They even talk to me at night, after it gets quiet and they realize how lonely I am. What if cats aren't dogs.... what if cats are PEOPLE?!?
 

VNeil

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But.. but... buuutttt... if they stay indoors, then they don't get fleas. And... and I don't have kidz. I traded 'em all for cat toys, and cat beds, and carpeted penthouses for the cats... :facepalm: and several bales of catnip. They're just so cuddly and funny when they're "nipped" out on catnip.

And, a gateway, you say? I can get a Siberian Tiger? Will it play nice wif da other kitties? How much catnip does a Siberian Tiger need? What kinds of toys do they like? Will the FDA regulate what they can eat and play with? Will they approve a Siberian Tiger sized dosage of anti-flea medication, for in case he/she goes outside? Will they also regulate the catnip?



Cat Acquisition Syndrome is a myth... I don't have "C.A.S."; I just love cats. And cats love me. They love me more than people do. They even talk to me at night, after it gets quiet and they realize how lonely I am. What if cats aren't dogs.... what if cats are PEOPLE?!?
Cats aren't people.

Soylent Green is people.
 
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