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How old were you when you came "out"?

Discussion in 'Gay Group' started by TxTrouble, Feb 10, 2010.

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  1. ChristopherCoy

    ChristopherCoy Full Member Verified Member

    Oct 25, 2010
    Houston, TX

    Familiar story.... I was 14 as well, and a freshman in high school. It was 1994 though, and in Southern Louisiana, so it wasn't as 'common' then, and there.


    ETA: And I've been with my partner for 8 years now...
     
  2. CloudBurst

    CloudBurst Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Jun 2, 2009
    Georgia, USA
    8 years...Great! I'm heading on 14! Welcome Christopher!
     
  3. tybin

    tybin ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Sep 17, 2010
    WA
    i was 15 i think. private Catholic High School so i hung out on after school on broadway in Seattle
     
  4. Nighteyes

    Nighteyes Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 4, 2010
    Western MA
    lol, rather badly 4.5 years ago when I was 22 and almost done with college. Mom found out from my brother who found out from a friend of mine's myspace....needless to say, being my folks are all hardcore oldschool conservative religious types, it went over like a fart in church.

    BUT, happened to accidentally meet my boyfriend during the course of the hell on earth, and this Friday we celebrate 4 years =^.^=
     
  5. tybin

    tybin ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Sep 17, 2010
    WA
    so have your folks come around?
     
  6. SuZamme

    SuZamme Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Oct 24, 2009
    Nashville, Indiana USA
    I was 26...of course, it was a wonderful moment to finally discover what was "missing" with all the guys I had dated.
    My partner and I just celebrated our 12th Anniversary. Before that I was with another wonderful woman for 17 years.

    As far as my parents go, they both knew and I do regret that my Mom died (1983) before I "had the talk" with her. Dad said they both knew and it was fine with them...we lived in SoCal and so not a big deal like it would be in other parts of the country/world.
     
  7. Nighteyes

    Nighteyes Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 4, 2010
    Western MA
    heh, my folks have not come around, though they are more civil about it. They do like my bf, but DESPISE what we represent. So, it is one of those 'silent judgement' types. Nevertheless, I'll accept this as as good as it gets. Should be grateful since I know some who had it MUCH worse than myself. So who cares if they (mom, dad, brothers) say they will not attend our wedding should I decide to man up one of these days and pop the question....I have plenty of folk who'd come in a heartbeat. Thats where it truly matters right?
     
  8. CloudBurst

    CloudBurst Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Jun 2, 2009
    Georgia, USA
    Hey...Indiana? Born and raised in Mishawaka! Been with my partner for 13 years now. Welcome all!
     
  9. Nighteyes

    Nighteyes Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 4, 2010
    Western MA
    That was kind of like in my case. I had a girlfriend that cared a lot for me, and me for her...I had known her for a few years while she was going through a rough time with her ex bf. So we got to spend a lot of time together as friends, hanging out, playing video games, listening to music. It was nice, but when she of all people popped the question about going out haha, things didn't really feel any different with me. I did like being around her, but sometimes it felt like a bit of a struggle.

    Growing up I had numerous occasions where the inkling was there, the thoughts, the occasional stray 'fantasy', but I would immediately push them away out of fear of being outcasted, beaten up by the kids at school. I saw an outed kid get picked on for so long but I didn't do a damn thing to assist out of fear of guilty by association. So where that leads up to when I was with my gf in college, those thoughts started creeping up again...and that time I couldn't resist any longer.

    When I told her it was so very difficult, I felt ashamed, like I betrayed her..myself..my family. she was the one who actually broke it off with me, saying she could be friends with someone who was gay...but could never be with one even if he wanted to spend his life with her.

    Well, nevertheless once I got over that, it was like I was washed fresh, eyes opened, rejuvenated. 6 months after freeing myself of guilt and shame, I happened across this guy whom it was love at first sight. Like being shocked with static. Instantly I felt what was missing in my relationship with my gf. The key piece that was missing from the puzzle. I do not regret the decision I made to be honest with my ex. She deserved to know, I couldn't bare to hurt her should we have gotten married had kids, 10-15 years down the line, finding out the hard way like a dear friend of mine did. He has two wonderful children but such scornful exwife of 18 years, catching him in his futile act of hiding. I couldn't let that happen.

    oh jeesh, sorry, I think I should write a novel >.> Such boring stuff my life is hahaha.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Nighteyes

    Nighteyes Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 4, 2010
    Western MA
    LOL, here is a random question that would coincide with this topic:

    "After coming out to your best friend, how did they react?"

    -me "hey um...uh...I'm gay..." *sad face*
    -him "Wanna know something funny? I am too.."
    -me o_O "no ...."
    -him "didn't really suspect you, I always suspected your brother, he was always the femmy one"
    -me o_O

    True story LMFAO
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. debb

    debb ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Aug 12, 2010
    in the nj woods
    same here..pretty much...was with a guy for 24 yrs....(i was young) 3 great kids...6 grand kids...my best friend when i was 14....is now my partner of 7 yrs...she is still my best friend...she is my life....i knew all along...but just ignored it...(can't imagine why)...i am happier today..than ever in my life....:)
     
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Zapp and Roger

    Zapp and Roger Super Member ECF Veteran

    Jul 28, 2010
    Dayton, Ohio
    This made my night TY ROFL

    All I got was an "...And??"
     
  13. Wilvin

    Wilvin Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Oct 29, 2010
    Coon Rapids,Mn
    Well I was 21. LOL I realized I was Gay, started drinking and smoke all in one year, though not all at the same time. I was in the Air Force and for some reason was having a sever case of depression. Could not figure out why I was so depressed, so started drinking. That turn in to smoking because of going to the bars. The depression got really bad, to the point I was thinking of suicide! Then one day I was eating lunch outside the bases Burger King and I noticed I was watching all the guys going by, but not the women. Then it was like a flash of light and I realized I was gay. And my depression started going away. I also realized I knew I was gay since I was a little kid, but for some reason suppressed the idea. The strange thing was my family was not ever anti gay, if anything they either could care less or supported it. I have a gay uncle so he paved the way, by coming out back in the 1960's. The only thing I could figure as to why I suppressed to myself about being gay was At the time I thought to be gay you had to be like the stereotypes of gays, and I never did fit that. Any way Once I figured it out my depression went away. I still had to stay in the closet because of the military but at least I was being honest to myself. So of those three things that happened during my 21 st year, I quit drinking( except maybe once in a blue moon), Now I have stopped smoking!!!! But I will never stop being gay!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. CloudBurst

    CloudBurst Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Jun 2, 2009
    Georgia, USA
    LOL, great story Wilvin, maybe someday all the gay kids will have it better than we did. We are paving the way, so to speak! My partner was in the Air Force for 30 years, just retired a few years ago. She went through the witch hunt era. She was high ranking when she retired and everyone knew she was gay, they even accepted me at events, it ended pretty cool.
    Welcome to the group!
     
  15. Wilvin

    Wilvin Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Oct 29, 2010
    Coon Rapids,Mn
    Well once I figured things out I started meeting other Gay on my base. This was just before Don't ask don't tell, so more gay service people were somewhat more open then after it started. LOL Plus I was stationed At Travis AFB so going down to San Francisco to party was only a short drive.
     
  16. ScottinSoCal

    ScottinSoCal Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 19, 2010
    ProVari Nirvana
    Went all through that. I was born & raised in Utah. I dated a guy all through high school, but we were stealth: we'd take girls to dances on double-dates, drop them off after and go make out somewhere. My parents found out when I was 17 and kicked me out of the house, and I wound up living with a gay couple in my small hometown. My parents started to come around and tried to apologize on their terms, and I wasn't having any of it. I told them they could accept me for who I am, or they could write me out of their lives, there were no other choices available to them. It took several years and in the meantime I found my husband (almost 20 years ago). I called them one day and told them he and I would be driving through to visit his family (who have always been great) in Salt Lake. We'd love to stop and spend the night and visit. At their house. Sleeping in the same room. Otherwise we'd spend the night in Vegas. Let me know. They called back the next day and formally invited us to spend the night at their house. There have been some awkward moments since, but they came to our wedding two years ago and my mom did the obligatory crying about losing "her little boy". They both make a point of telling me to give their love to Mark (hubby) when we talk on the phone and make him feel welcome and part of the family when we visit.

    About 10 years ago I overheard my mother arguing with my little sister. She wanted to stay at their house with her live-in boyfriend, and my parents said absolutely not. Little sis was upset and said "You don't mind Scott staying here!". Mom told her that Scott and Mark don't have the option to get married - she did. End of discussion. At the wedding she told me she was glad she could cross off the one exception to their rule.

    My mom is still very religious and follows pretty closely to doctrine. My dad says he thinks there's a lot more room in the universe than any one set of rules can cover, and he's inclined to let people live how they want to live, as long as they're not hurting other people. That's why I get along with my dad better than my mom. He and I can accept each other for who we are. My mom and I accept each other for who we'd like the other to be. Not as easy, and not nearly as natural a relationship.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  17. ScottinSoCal

    ScottinSoCal Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 19, 2010
    ProVari Nirvana
    This made me think of the first time I kissed a boy. It was on a dare. I'd kissed plenty of girls, and it was like doing algebra homework. I concentrated on solving the problem. When I kissed a boy it was like electricity, from my head to my toes. I finally understood what all the fuss was about.
     
  18. tybin

    tybin ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Sep 17, 2010
    WA
    [
    My mom is still very religious and follows pretty closely to doctrine. My dad says he thinks there's a lot more room in the universe than any one set of rules can cover, and he's inclined to let people live how they want to live, as long as they're not hurting other people. That's why I get along with my dad better than my mom. He and I can accept each other for who we are. My mom and I accept each other for who we'd like the other to be. Not as easy, and not nearly as natural a relationship.[/QUOTE]

    Ya i have the same situation with the two of my parents. My Dad told his ex wife and his sister that he didn't want to go to their heaven if there wasn't going to be a place for me :)
     
  19. ScottinSoCal

    ScottinSoCal Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 19, 2010
    ProVari Nirvana
    That's always nice.

    Mark says I shouldn't tell this story anymore - my mom really has changed - but I've gotten to the point where I think it's just funny, and kind of sums up what we went through to get where we are. Right after Mark and I got together, Mother's Day rolled around. He called his mom and we both wished her a happy Mother's Day and talked for a while, then he started in on me, telling me I had to call my mother and do the same. I tried to explain that nothing good would come of that. He wouldn't listen. Finally, that evening, I gave in and called my mother.

    Her: Hello
    Me: Hi Mom, it's Scott.
    Her: Oh, hello.
    Me: I just called to wish you a happy Mother's Day.
    Her: Thank you. (Long pause)
    Me: So how has your day been?
    Her: Oh, it was nice. Your dad made me breakfast in bed, and your sisters came over and brought the grandkids. Then we all went out to dinner. Your call is the icing on the cake. Too bad I'm allergic to sugar.
    Me: Well, just wanted to say that. Talk to you later. Bye.

    Mark apologized for weeks after, and promised he would never again push me when it came to my parents.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  20. Nighteyes

    Nighteyes Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 4, 2010
    Western MA
    Wish I could say we've made progress with my folks. We just got engaged back in November and from the gestures and innuendo, that nobody from my family (my folks and siblings at least) will be there when we decide to name a date. Kinda puts a huge dampener on things when you think great progress is being made just to have this significant setback. Hope things improve. It's been 4 years since they found out, it may take another 4 years to get them to budge from their 'moral compass'
     

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