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How old were you when you came "out"?

Discussion in 'Gay Group' started by TxTrouble, Feb 10, 2010.

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  1. ScottinSoCal

    ScottinSoCal Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 19, 2010
    ProVari Nirvana
    I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your family, so please don't take this as advice, but a friend of ours ran into the same situation with his family. He sat them down and, quietly and calmly, said that it would mean a great deal to him if they came to his wedding and, conversely, it would hurt him a great deal if they didn't. He said they should consider that he'll only have one wedding and he wanted them to think about whether they might ever regret not having gone. He wouldn't let them say anything, and he left right after he told them to think seriously about it. They did wind up going, FWIW.

    I couldn't have done that, because I would never have admitted that anything my parents did could hurt me. I think he handled it better than I would have, in his shoes.
     
  2. CloudBurst

    CloudBurst Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Jun 2, 2009
    Georgia, USA
    My family disowned me for 5 years! We were very close before I came out, not sure what happened but one visit and they were totally different. They all now accept me and my partner of 14 years! Be patient, I know it sucks but if you care about them, it's worth the patience. We are all close now again and all is well. I know im fortunate and I hope you'll experience the same someday.
     
  3. Nighteyes

    Nighteyes Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 4, 2010
    Western MA
    my parents are weird. It seems our relationship got closer after me coming out but I think it is more so of the fact they don't want to lose me as a son....yet at the same time are "utterly disgusted" (their words) with the lifestyle. They do like my partner and don't deny him coming over the house with me, again more so they don't want to push me away BUT still won't accept our relationship as true. They hope and dream we'll 'see the light' and save our souls, but they don't constantly throw it at me. Once in a while something would happen and the topic would pop up, or if we were drinking. I kills me. I sometimes almost wish they would just cut me off totally so my heart wouldn't constantly be played with. One day things seem GREAT, next day they *remind me* of how they totally and utterly disapprove and are extremely disturbed and disgusted with it.

    I dunno, I've always been close to my folks growing up, and I don't want to lose that even if it kills me 1 day out of 7.

    Am I clinging onto false hope? Maybe I should stop for my partner and myself sake. Clean brakes most times heal cleaner and quicker...but I'm scared of doing so. I'll be 27 tomorrow but still am horridly scared of being Quote en quote 'cut off' from them.

    Ugh, someone pass me a beer already lol.
     
  4. tybin

    tybin ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Sep 17, 2010
    WA
    well happy birthday early night eyes!
     
  5. CloudBurst

    CloudBurst Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Jun 2, 2009
    Georgia, USA
    Family ties are strong for them too. Give them time, they love you and I think they'll come around. I never in a million years though my Mom would be ok with me, but she has changed so much! She wouldn't even tell me she loved me when I told her, now she never hangs up or leaves me without saying it.
    Someone told me once that for you, it's old news but for them, it's new and maybe a little shocking, give them time to swallow the news and they will come around. I know this isn't true for everyone but we can only hope. If you give up on them they may never accept it but if you keep doing what you're doing and stay in their lives, I'd like to think they will be ok.
    I know...I just think hope is a good thing. Especially when it comes to family.
     
  6. Phreaker

    Phreaker Super Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 14, 2010
    Raleigh, NC
    19. I've finally been "out" more years then "in", so my family is quite used to it by now. :)

    (Just noticed this group BTW, yay!)
     
  7. atom48

    atom48 Super Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Mar 27, 2009
    Colorado
    I came out when I was 18, but then went back into the closet for a while thereafter. The "times" were not too receptive then...the 60's.
     
  8. tybin

    tybin ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Sep 17, 2010
    WA
    compared to the 60's and 70's society has come a significant way
     
  9. debb

    debb ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Aug 12, 2010
    in the nj woods
    so true...:)
     
  10. biciporrero

    biciporrero Full Member

    Jan 7, 2011
    Montreal, QC
    I was 18. Not as flamboyant as I look in my pic, I just like to queen it up for pics, so it was a shock to people. My parents confronted me when they found some "pictures" as they called them on the computer that I had gotten on this brand new thing called the internet, and they wanted to know why there weren't any women in any of the pictures. This was Xmas break of my freshman year in college in 1995.
     
  11. tybin

    tybin ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Sep 17, 2010
    WA
    seems like many of us came out pretty early :)
     
  12. Bluesun62

    Bluesun62 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Jan 6, 2011
    Ramona, CA
    I was 27 when I "Officially" came out. My mom said she knew. My dad didn't say anything. He never treated me different but it wasn't talked about.

    When I go to my Moms for holidays, she says I can bring a friend...lol... I wish she would just ask if I'm seeing anyone.lol.

    If I look back, I have known I was gay since I was 6 or 7. At 15 I had one of those best friend "day time friend night time lover" things for three years. He was the first boy I kissed and it was total electricity.

    I always thought/hoped I would grow out of it (being gay). I got married at 19 and we had a daughter. When we divorced (three years later) she asked if I was gay. I told her I don't know. After that I only got supervised visitation of my daughter. I have not seen her now for over 17 years. I have only seen pictures of my grandkids. One day I hope this will change.

    My mom, step father and my brothers and I get along well now but it has taken a long time.

    Most people I meet do not know that I'm gay. I don't advertise it and I am not your stereotypical gay man. I work on cars, go fishing, camping ATV riding and that sort of stuff. I hate going to the clubs and the typical SoCal gay scene. I'm really kind of a gay cowboy/redneck. lol
     
  13. debb

    debb ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Aug 12, 2010
    in the nj woods
    hi blue, hi tybin...:)
     
  14. tybin

    tybin ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Sep 17, 2010
    WA
  15. bornagainst

    bornagainst Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Aug 22, 2009
    Toronto, Canada
    Hey everyone new and old!

    *hugs*
     
  16. tybin

    tybin ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Sep 17, 2010
    WA
    hey bornagainst :)
     
  17. Peeps

    Peeps Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Hi everyone!

    I just found this group and hope y'all don't mind if I chime in. I was outted by my 92 year old grandma who raised me, when I was 38. I had a friend online in Ireland and she came to visit for the first time in 2002. We were just friends and I had always dated men but could never commit to one. On Blaize's 2nd day in the States, we went over to my grandma's house. While Blaize was outside with my aunt, my grandma turned to me and stated "She loves you!" I told her that we were good friends and she informed me that Blaize looked at me the same way my grandfather used to look at her and it was more than friendship. I reminded her that I had always dated men and she replied very calmly "Yes you have, but you never looked at any of them the way you look at Blaize." I changed the subject and we ended up leaving a little while later.

    Later that night, we were watching tv and Blaize turned to me and kissed me very gently. She told me that she had fallen in love with me a few years ago but knew I had only dated men and she didn't want to scare me. I asked her what changed and she told me that when we were leaving my grandma's house, she had whispered in her ear that she should push me out of my comfort zone because I deserved to be happy and my grandma felt in her heart that Blaize could make me truly happy. Blaize never pushed or pressured me, instead she was very gentle and patient. Over the course of the next 7 weeks, we fell in love and she would visit for 90 days and then have to leave the country for 90 days. For 8 years we tried to get a visa for Blaize to come to the states permanently. December 6, 2010 she arrived for good!!! It was a struggle but well worth it. We couldn't be happier. My grandma died in 1997 and we miss her every day but thank the good Lord that she not only accepted us, but saw in us the same love she shared with my grandfather. The rest of my family have come on slowly but they can't deny that I'm happier than I've ever been in my life and Blaize is the reason. And it helps that they all fell in love with her before they knew about us...I think it was the Irish accent LOL

    Anyway, that's my story and it's nice to meet everyone!
     
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  18. debb

    debb ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Aug 12, 2010
    in the nj woods
    oh peeps what a great story!..so glad you two are together now...and god bless your grandma...:)
     
  19. keyzygirl

    keyzygirl ECF Guru ECF Veteran

    Aug 10, 2009
    Key West,Fl.
    I just popped in to say that Peeps that is an awesome story and your Grandma was a wonderful person.Your very lucky.Im not gay but alot of my friends are and I watch them struggle with family sometimes and it breaks my heart.My kids know that they can come and tell me anything and it will never change the way they are in my eyes.I think your Grandma was a very wise woman.
     
  20. Peeps

    Peeps Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Thanks, debb! She was quite the woman...:)
     

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