Make us Laugh!!!

[FreakyStylie]

If you don't know Monty Python, please refrain from watching this video. Thank you very kindly.

Or, if you are too tempted to push the little triangle thingy, you must first go out and rent Monty Python and The Holy Grail, watch the movie through, to the end. No fast forwarding allowed as there will be a quiz. Then, after thoroughly watching the movie - while being fully awake and belly full of oat soda and cheese snacks (yes, that is a requirement) - then you may come back to this post (providing it hasn't been removed due to poor taste) and watch this video. Oh yes, and you must also bring along a shrubbery and watch it with a moose. The video that is. It would just be silly to watch a shrubbery, especially with a moose.

 

[starsong]

That was great Freaky, thanks

 

[VpnDrgn]

In a similar vein;

A preschool teacher was telling the story of Chicken Little to her class one day
when she looked over to little Johnny and asked,

"What do you think the farmer said when Chicken Little ran up to him and cried "The sky is falling!"?"

Little Johnny promptly replied "Holy Crap! A talking chicken!"

 

[n00b]

In a similar vein;

A preschool teacher was telling the story of Chicken Little to her class one day
when she looked over to little Johnny and asked,

"What do you think the farmer said when Chicken Little ran up to him and cried "The sky is falling!"?"

Little Johnny promptly replied "Holy Crap! A talking chicken!"

OMG! I LOL again. I'm starting to get concerned that the phrase "Holy Crap!" is making me laugh so much.

 

[VpnDrgn]

One more;

One Monday morning after a holiday weekend, a preschool teacher asked the class if they had seen anything
interesting over the weekend. When it came time for little Johnny's turn the teacher was a little worried.

Little Johnny said "I saw a dead kitten in the park". This upset several of the girls so the teacher said that
maybe the kitten was just taking a nap. Little Johnny shook his head vehemently and said "I know he was dead".

This upset the girls even more and the teacher said maybe the kitten was just tired, how did Johnny know it was dead?
Little johnny promptly replied "I ...... in its ear and it didn't move." "Johnny! What did you say?", cried the teacher.

"Yeah", little Johnny said, "I bent over and went "Pssttt" real loud in his ear and he didn't move."

 

[FreakyStylie]

OK, another mash-up. These things are fun!

 

[GNNR]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..." He sighed...

"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box..."

 

[GNNR]

There was a competition to swim from Santa Monica to Catalina doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker.

About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled on shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied,

"I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms."

 

[melloyello]

Dog Torture to me, this qualified for "make us laugh"

 

[redempti0N]

Sam says to Bess, "I am 80, I want to go to the park with you and you just hold my penis." "Well Sam, I want to make you happy." Sam and Bess goes to the park, sit on a bench and Bess holds his penis for 2 hours. The next day Bess takes her morning walk through the park and there's Sam with another women holding his penis on the bench. "Sam! What does she have that I don't?" Sam looks up and says, "Parkinson's!"

 

[GNNR]

A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, "Free Kisses with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free kisses. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free kisses. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7.... sorry, no kisses this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free kisses. The proprietor again asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free kisses this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free kisses."

Bubba replied, " No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week.

 

[popeye79]

Heard this on South Park and thought it was just plain silly.

Why don't chickens wear pants?
Because their peckers are on their heads!

 

[leaford]

In honor of Cinco de Mayo, let's all drink a Bin Laden cocktail: TWO SHOTS AND A SPLASH OF WATER.

 

[popeye79]

In honor of Cinco de Mayo, let's all drink a Bin Laden cocktail: TWO SHOTS AND A SPLASH OF WATER.

Now that's just plain awesome sauce right there! Mad props Leaford!

ps... they chucked him from my old boat, the Chucky V (USS Carl Vinson)

 

[morepyro]

I was on the Roosevelt a loooong time ago. When I heard that UBL was buried at sea from a carrier, all I could think was "I wonder how many times he would skip across the water if they fired him from the cat?

 

[popeye79]

I was on the Roosevelt a loooong time ago. When I heard that UBL was buried at sea from a carrier, all I could think was "I wonder how many times he would skip across the water if they fired him from the cat?

funny shiznit right there!

 

[PKZap27]

 

[Evie Luv]

PKZap27 your Tin Man avatar reminds me of something I can't quite put my finger on right now. Oh yeah I recently played Dorothy and Red was Toto...There's no place like home.

It is good to see this thread is still active, I guess nobody is being offended anymore or else they just don't read it. I may have to post some of my jokes again. We'll see.

 

[PKZap27]

PKZap27 your Tin Man avatar reminds me of something I can't quite put my finger on right now. Oh yeah I recently played Dorothy and Red was Toto...There's no place like home.

It is good to see this thread is still active, I guess nobody is being offended anymore or else they just don't read it. I may have to post some of my jokes again. We'll see.

I was just looking for somewhere to post and share that funny article, after doing a search on ECF I stumbled on this thread and posted it in a few of the other ECF joke threads, glad you enjoyed it.

The Tin Man is not my normal avatar, however I may keep it.

ECF Member "classwife" becomes a veteran today, so in celebration of this she picked the Wizard of Oz theme. See below links.

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/forum/womens-room/186008-ces-classwife.html#post3165616

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/forum/general-e-smoking-discussion/111512-pre-veteran-thread.html

MEGA Thread!

Response on threads

 

[starsong]

Saw this posted elsewhere, but thought I'd share it here:

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay you'll walk again and everything, but...
"Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."
The man perks up at this.
"So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."
The man agrees to talk with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the man.
"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite counter tops."