Some parents are just GOOD. They get it. I mean, I called my mom to ask her to cosign a LOAN and she was like, "It sounds all good to ME I am just going to GIVE you the money,"
I mean, she's helped me a ton In my life, dude, and there are times I have not been grateful, even. I think she loves it that not only I CAN I have extracted a promise from the husband to be a MAN, she was like, "Maybe this is what it took for you and also for HIM." I think that is the thing my family hated the worst was watching me take care of his PTSD FOREVER I mean I and the right lawyer got us a RULING from the bench from a judge that like, he did have PTSD and he DID. He could have worked harder to get better sooner, though. That was the part my family hated, like, watching me SLAVE to keep my family and kiddo afloat. They did not like that even a TINY bit,
I help my kiddo but it's usually on a much smaller scale. But when I can help, I help. My dad is the total opposite,, LOL. One time in extremis I asked him for a very short term LOAN that was tragically needed and he sent me a book that was titled "Stop treating me like a child but first can you loan me some money?" I don't know how he even FOUND it. Like is there some support group where you like, can join and everyone discusses how to handle their deadbeat children who like JUST came out of the psych unit after a month of psychosis and the dreaded diagnoses of alcoholism and Bipolar type I and she couldn't like, DRIVE even for weeks because her brain was so scrambled so she SURE couldn't go to her first semester of social work school and had to like, pay back the books portion of the damn student loan and didn't have the money but was gonna attend a semester later?
Some things were kind of a blessing I just looked at the book and was like "Huh, cool. It was back when books were worth money so I immediately took it to the used book seller down the street and like, sold it for five bucks, I was not emotionally traumatized at all, I was like huh cool, thanks Dad, five bucks, better than nothing.
I forget what I did, but something extreme like donating blood plasma for a while. And, that psychotic break was a blessing in a lot of ways, I learned more about therapy than I ever did in school by just watching my reactions and those of others to the various staff and their ways. And like you don't UNDERSTAND psychosis until you have had it. I'm sorry but you just don't. The best advice I can give and aspiring therapist on that is to like, drop some acid a few times, you will mildly understand but not really but maybe enough, So yay to the psychotic episode it totally sucked but was a HUGE win! LOL
I couldn't return the books because they were in my car at the time and I lost it. By that, I mean I know I parked it somewhere, but I had NO CLUE where, all I knew was the parking garage was like somewhere in Baltimore because I couldn't find my school and so I .parked and started walking, growing increasingly weaker as I asked the homeless for directions and even THEY were edging away from me like "That chick, she be CRAYZEEE!" when they finally got me to the hospital I walked so much my feet were like bloody.
So yeah the car was also a blessing I was no longer in a position to afford car payments and I was in AA questioning my Creator I was like "NONE OF THIS FAITH BS I NEED PROOF."
And so my sponsor asked me what I needed and I said I wanted my damn books back I didn't want to pay for them twice but NOT the car, I just wanted my items.
So I talked about it a lot and everyone just LAUGHED and I hated on them for a while. The day the 60 days were up my
insurance company called and told me like, they had written it off, As soon as I hung up, the police impound lot called and the dude was like "We found your car, it was in a ditch we think joyriders stole it, do you want to come get it?" So I said, "Um, well, I think
insurance just wrote it off? and they were like "Cool cool we will contact them but there is some stuff in it do you want to come look?"
And so I went, marveling but still skeptical and ALL my things were there, even the damn spare change I left on the seat and I had to admit I was BESTED and I freaking HAD a Creator willing to give me PROOF.
I was really mad at the time but honestly, when I look back on it, I mean I was so young and ANGRY, my marriage was in ruins, my life was a mess, I had this tiny child who was more together than me I was a mess, etc. The ex had to drive me to meetings and the funny part is the husband (who wanted to date me the minute he saw me and I likewise but I was like UM no I need to TRY to save my marriage no more cheating) spent a LOT of time outside trying to talk the ex into coming inside too, but he never came.
When I look back, it was such a beautiful thing though, I had a Creator who was willing to give me exactly what I demanded because she understood my NEED.
That's why I don't fear Sho Low, I don't fear death I don't really fear ANYTHING except depression and it's getting better. I am just gonna move forward and we will do what we do and we will be what we will be. That will include much more happiness I think.
So my sweet husband did not look at our first check, It is ALSO made out to our mortgage company. So we will need to delay our contractor but I am okay with THAT too.
Meh, this gives me a chance to go to Walmart I am going at 1 pm I don't want to run into any coworkers man.
I may not sue them but once my FMLA is up I may send an email to EVERYONE who wants to read it, like, "This is my tale of my experiences at "my company" and I just wanted to say goodbye and thanks for all the fish." type of thing, LOL.
Yeah, whenever I Feel guilty I am JUST going to go "I was a dolphin amongst humans they did not understand."
Anna
Anna