Really Really Bad Jokes
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Hahahahaaaa! I will have to remember that one and tell the boss tomorrow!!
Credit/blame where due, I heard it from Steven Wright.
LOL
I know
OK, now I feel REAL stupid for that appology I sentcha! LMAO!
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him!
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way! Unique up on him!
lol
Did you know they are starting to put serial numbers on condoms now?
What, you've never had to roll one down that far?
Nope, never had to.... I have to use 32 gallon trash liners in place of condoms.
What's black & white and black & white & black & white & black & white and makes you laugh?
A nun falling down stairs.
What's black & white and black & white & black & white & black & white and makes you laugh?
A nun falling down stairs.
This one is only good when told by a guy.....
What does a man with a 12 inch wiener eat for breakfast?
Well, this morning, I had grits and eggs with a side of bacon....
What does a man with a 12 inch wiener eat for breakfast?
Well, this morning, I had grits and eggs with a side of bacon....
My wife told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt, so I did her 6 times then hit her in the head with a brick.
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because
my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my
insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused and said,
"How do you start a flood?"
NB
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because
my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my
insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused and said,
"How do you start a flood?"
NB
he he @ Mr. Head
So, a guy takes his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. She sits and watches the game, quiet and confused...
After the game, her boyfriend asked her how she enjoyed it.
She said, "I liked it okay enough. I'm just confused... I mean, they flipped a quarter at the beginning of the game and spent the rest of it screaming to get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back! I mean, its just a quarter!!"
So, a guy takes his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. She sits and watches the game, quiet and confused...
After the game, her boyfriend asked her how she enjoyed it.
She said, "I liked it okay enough. I'm just confused... I mean, they flipped a quarter at the beginning of the game and spent the rest of it screaming to get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back! I mean, its just a quarter!!"
In the lawyer vein...
Q. Why do lawyers wear their shirts and ties so tight around their necks?
A. It keeps their foreskins from showing.
Q. What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
Q. Why do lawyers wear their shirts and ties so tight around their necks?
A. It keeps their foreskins from showing.
Q. What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
Well if RitaLee can do blonde jokes so can I:
[FONT=Verdana,]A blonde and a brunette are catching up after having not seen each other for a long while, w[/FONT][FONT=Verdana,]hen the brunette says to the blonde, Did you know that Im married to Billy now?
The blonde replies, "Isnt he the one who had the really bad dandruff?
Yeah, answered the brunette, but I fixed that, I gave him some Head and Shoulders.
The blonde looks really confused and after a few moments asks, How do you give shoulders?[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,]NB
[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,]A blonde and a brunette are catching up after having not seen each other for a long while, w[/FONT][FONT=Verdana,]hen the brunette says to the blonde, Did you know that Im married to Billy now?
The blonde replies, "Isnt he the one who had the really bad dandruff?
Yeah, answered the brunette, but I fixed that, I gave him some Head and Shoulders.
The blonde looks really confused and after a few moments asks, How do you give shoulders?[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,]NB
[/FONT]
So this lady is at the doctors for advice
"is .... sex safe?"
Yes, as long as it is not too rough, it is harmless. as long as you enjoy it, then do it. are you planning a family?"
"no we're not, why do you ask?"
"well, you'll want to use birth control if you're not planning for a family"
"you can get pregnat from .... sex?"
"yes! where do you think lawyers come from?"
"is .... sex safe?"
Yes, as long as it is not too rough, it is harmless. as long as you enjoy it, then do it. are you planning a family?"
"no we're not, why do you ask?"
"well, you'll want to use birth control if you're not planning for a family"
"you can get pregnat from .... sex?"
"yes! where do you think lawyers come from?"
Ok, lets combine lawyers and blondes in a twofer:
A blonde and lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, very tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over toward the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists (as lawyers are wont to do) and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00 and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to the torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and Library of Congress, still no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, all to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches in her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
NB
A blonde and lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, very tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over toward the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists (as lawyers are wont to do) and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00 and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to the torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and Library of Congress, still no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, all to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches in her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
NB
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