I 100% agree with consequences for kids (within a similarly sane parenting structure). I will also add that parenting can be tough becase of ONE parent, not the other. I did a pretty good job with my kiddo, and if he hadn't already been attached to his bio dad, well, I might have cut off contact when I got full custody. Unfortunately, I've seen the results of that, the kid continues to idolize the "absent" parent, and then petitions the courts, the minute they turn 16, to go live with the absent parent. Most of my kid's antisocial tendencies were caused my ex (nature and nurture.) One more reason to not have a kid with your dealer, but I was faced with two very unpleasant circumstances, including my ex telling my kid not to "inform" us that he was being beaten and neglected or he would send "minions" to go kill me and my husband. Alas, at 12, he really thought it could happen, and never in my wildest dreams did I imagine my ex would do that.
Took a few more summers of suffering before my kiddo informed me, and well, such was his life.
I merely cite this as one of MANY reasons society is kind of a mess. I mean... It's easy to attack parenting from the outside, or point out all the things parents do wrong.
I really found that even the most ANTI-social of parents I worked with, being empathic an understanding their difficulties was more helpful than starting out with "I am going to blame YOU and your kid for this outcome."
It's fairly rare (although not totally uncommon) to find a parent with 0% of concern about their kids, the parents may also be tired, single parents, uneducated about discipline and how to make their relationship with their kid better or stronger. I've worked with some fairly rough kids too, and I'd say maybe 5% or less of the parents didn't
care. They either didn't know what to do, or didn't have the energy to do it due to life circumstances or whatnot.
My kiddo turned out as well as he did because I spent tens of thousands of dollars on reparative therapy, legal cost, oh a host of things. I didn't regret a single penny-- my thoughts were, "Well, Anna, you PUT the kid in the situation he was in, so freaking
suffer to make it right. But I was also lucky enough to find an awesome stepdad for the kid. Not all parents are so lucky.
Anti-sociality is one of the hardest behaviors to deal with. TRUE anti social teens will probably wind up criminalized at some point, regardless. What they do with that is up to them, but "prisons" really swell and increase anti social behavior, it is THE arena where if a kid is going to one direction or another, well, the possibility of that happening worries me more (whether it's justified, or not) than juuling.
And do not get me wrong what my kid did to enter the system was in NO way comparative to Juuling. He's pretty lucky he didn't die or kill someone else. Since he'd never encountered "crime and its consequences" before, well, he's not really dumb nor is he a hardened criminal, but it sure beat any traces of anti social out of him, because if he's anything, he isn't DUMB, and he quickly realized it was not a life he cared to live. I do think those who need to encounter this, well, at least, let them be grown up enough to suffer the consequences.
With that said, if you are running around shooting people, you should get locked up, whatever your age.
With drug/addiction type things, there is MORE than enough evidence that harm reduction works better than criminalization. It just does. PERIOD.
Wanna take 16 hits of acid, kid? Fine, you just go do that to your brain. Take 16 hits of acid and DRIVE, you deserve some legal consequences.
Every country that has decriminalize drugs HAS benefitted, in comparison to criminalization. So, if a kid's sucking on a juul, action should be taken, and sometimes even more DRASTIC action. I've worked in a (locked) residential center for teens, and honestly, I've never met a set of more (potentially) anti social kiddos. My supervisor told me upfront that anything I did or said to a kid would not "sink in" for up to fifteen years probably, but that I still needed to do it.
One of my clients there kept up with my whereabouts (work wise) and would send me letters from time to time. She was headed down the criminal trail, but her first missive was a thank you letter, including a picture of her and her dad, about to go to her high school prom. If just ONE kiddo I worked with had such an outcome (although I'm quite certain others did, down the line, well it was worth it) and while, the environment was at times somewhat dire, it was NOTHNG like Juvenile Lockup around here, that is for certain. Our JV is actually a lot more empty than it used to be. I am more than glad.
Anna
