This just in: FDA bans Chill Pills. Under pressure from makers of Xanax, Prozac, and other anti-anxiety drugs, the FDA has banned Chill Pills and they will no longer be available for sale in the US. FDA spokeswoman Eva Frank said, "We've heard rumors of these pills being in circulation for quite some time. We've never seen them ourselves, but we know they must be dangerous to the health of Americans everywhere. As soon as we come across one, we will begin a rigorous battery of tests that we are confident will confirm what we think we already know." The FDA has also expressed concern that Chill Pills are being marketed to children under the name of Chilly Willies. "This is devastating," remarked Bill Cummings, of Fort Worth, Texas. "Someone told me just the other day to take a Chill Pill and I can't even find them at Walgreens. My only recourse now will be to order them direct from China. Or wherever the hell they make these things."
